Men looking at my 13year old daughter

[marmitenot]

I went out with my 13 yr old dd yesterday and a couple of her friends. My daughter, although very pretty (doesn't get it from me!), is clearly a young teen and yet men (old and young) were leering over her and distinctly 'checking her out'.

The looks they were giving my daughter made me extremely uncomfortable and really cross.

AIBU to expect men to control themselves around children?

Starball, I can guarentee my 14 yr old daughter has total disinterest in much older men staring at her breasts and bottem. To make a comment like that implies woman are somehow unconsciously telegraphing their desire to be sexually harassed by men.

YANBU.

No I'm certainly not saying other women ask to be harnessed, I'm just speculating on why it just doesn't happen to me.

I'm an odd ball dyslexic who finds making friends and social conventions in central a total mystery. Used to get plenary of stick and light weight bullying at school. So I spent the first 18 years of my life not giving a fuck what people think of me, still don't care much. I just wonder if men sense it.

In general

I think these men who leer at women often sense when they can not get away with it even if it is not a conscious thought that is why they tend to do it too younger women

that is in no way blaming anyone apart from those that choose to make women and girls feel uncomfortable, it is not only about being attracted to someone but a sense of power they get too

should read attracted to what someone looks like, not attracted to them

I think it may be that bullies, of all kinds, learn about effective bullying through daily practice over years and years.

I hardly ever get street harassment of any kind. Every chugger going, however, does pick me out on the street. As do the Evangelicals, destroying the environment one leaflet at a time.

I didn't get street harassment in my teen years, either. But I believe all of you. For some reason, adult male misogynists don't pick on me. Why, I'm not sure. But the women, whom they do pick on, are not to blame for it. They don't attract it. They don't cause it. Misogynist leches go out looking for women to harass. The responsibility for being arseholes is theirs alone.

Bullies, chuggers and leafletting theists learn. That's all.

I don't get sexual street harassment.

I'm a devout atheist and most but not all bible bashes take the hint, chuggers and people with clip boards however, I do have to tell no. Leaflets I just take, I've done that job and it is shit.

YANBU OP I really really hate this.

My DSD is 10.
She is also 5 foot 3 1/2, has boobs and looks at least 13/14.

It's bloody horrible to have to give a child chats about what men can be like. FFS she is 10!

Horrible.
As others have said you would hope men and become more evolved. Sadly not though.

No I don't it's the fault of adult women who like attention that there are men who leer at young girls. It's also not the fault of women that there are men who harass women in the streets.
Remember there are men who try to show positive interest and then there are those whose aim is to intimidate.

Ummmm, I lived in Birmingham until two months ago, so 39 years.And it bloody does go on there.

Sorry Heartbrokenmum73 I wasn't trying to say it doesn't go on in Birmingham.

It was just at 19-22, which was past peak time for this behavior for me, I live in Manchester and then Birmingham but was regularly down London. I dressed the same acted the same and went to similar locations but in London I'd get a lot of sexual street harassment whereas in other two places I don't remember any.

I do think it a power thing – and I suspect my shyness is one reason why I might have experienced it more than others that and big breasts though Ive seen loud outgoing women get upset with comments as well.

I don't get what being bookish has to do with anything either as I have always been shy quiet studious person – though no glasses - and in teenage and early 20 tried to dress down my figure by wearing very loosed covering clothing – I honestly really don't think I have ever down anything to invite this type of behavior at all the exact opposite in fact.

Wonder if this is partly the reason some women are choosing to cover up more, especially those from countries where men can be quite aggressive in their harrassing. Maybe they are trying to protect themselves and appear anonymous.

Yes, all women have to do is dress modestly and it will all go away
Men can't possibly be expected to modify their behaviour, they're only men after all, what can you expect?

Actually I think men are getting less evolved and I fear my DDs may get the harassment, I've managed to escape.

There seems to be a lot more tollerence of low level unpleasantness in general as no one dare challenge teen/young persons behaviour. Also the definition of young seems to have slipped to anyone under 40 not out with their family, in some cases.

DD1 avoids our nearest city because she knows, if she meets certain elements from school they think nothing of making nasty remarks in a public street.

YANBU at all, OP. This thread has brought back unpleasant memories of unwanted attention from men during my teen years. Bus drivers, ice cream men, men on the street, men in cars, men on building sites, the flasher who blocked my path to the bus station so I had to cross a three-lane road to avoid him.... Vile. I feel sad that I'll have to protect DD from this as she grows up, but at least I can do my best to instill some respect in DS as he grows too.

It's my understanding that some of the most outrageous public harassment/casual assault happens in 'modest-dressing' countries.

It does, you only have to look at what is happening in Egypt, rape is endemic there.

From gulfnews.com, interesting research from the Egyptian Centre for Women's Rights (ECWR):

However, Abu Al Komsan said: "But what [our research showed] was something completely different from the stereotypes — sexual harassment occurring in crowded areas, even if the women were covered from head to toe."

Dr Hanaa Al Gohari, sociologist at Cairo University, told Weekend Review that the problem of sexual harassment in Egypt has to do with the mentality of the society. Today's Egypt is infected with two main diseases: religious extremism and patriarchy.

If Egyptian women's experience is saying so clearly that modesty doesn't work, I'm inclined to think it never will.

It's an interesting piece, worth reading in full.

I've travelled through Turkey and been to Egypt. As an unaccompanied young western woman the level of often aggressive harassment is awful. Known women try and protect themselves by wearing wedding rings and befriending other male travellers.