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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fall out with her over this and stop speaking to her

157 replies

Opalite · 20/10/2013 19:25

This woman who I met not too long ago but have been getting on well was round at my house, my DD, the woman and I were sitting outside and part of the conversation was my DD calling her dad and DSs dad 'useless twats' and a few other things. This is when the woman started saying you shouldnt speak about your dad like that, it's disrespectful and you wouldn't be here without him and loads of other crap. I was pissed off because firstly she was in our home telling my 16 year old DD what she should and shouldn't do and secondly because DD should be allowed to say her opinion about a person...
It made me feel really uncomfortable but I didn't shout at her or anything, I just said something like 'no, she can say what she wants and she's right etc.' then I said 'we should really get ready to go out now dd' and said to her that me and dd will be busy now, bye etc

We havent known each other for too long, I do have to see her very regularly though! I am wondering if I should just tell her I don't want to have much to do with her any more OR if I'm actually being unreasonable

OP posts:
tiredlady · 20/10/2013 20:47

MissBattleAxe - You say you would be shocked by the word.

Genuine question here, honestly not trying to goad. If you are shocked by the word twat, how do you cope being on mumsnet, or even watching telly?

appletarts · 20/10/2013 20:50

Just out of interest then, who is it ok to swear in front of?

usualsuspect · 20/10/2013 20:50

Some of you might live in Pollyanna world.

Some of us live in the real world though and to be quite honest calling the OP family a bit Jeremy Kyle makes you sound rather up yourself.

Original poster
Opalite · 20/10/2013 20:50

Thanks MissBattleaxe, I'd understand the 'airing family laundry' being uncomfortable for a visitor if it was out of the blue. My daughters comments were 100% relevant to the conversation though

OP posts:
perplexedpirate · 20/10/2013 20:52

If you honestly think you deserve to be spoken about 'respectfully' just for having a child, you are woefully misguided. Respect is earned, If the DD's father hasn't done anything to earn her respect, he won't get it.
I'm also highly amused by all the pearl clutching over the word twat.
I'm picturing you all collapsing onto chaise longue with a touch of the vapours and having to have your temples anointed with eau de cologne. Smile

everlong · 20/10/2013 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Opalite · 20/10/2013 20:53

The woman in the OP has been in contact since this, everlong

OP posts:
HopeS01 · 20/10/2013 20:56

Pirate hahahah me too! Hilarious! And I really hope that the especially judgy parents on here hear their children using some really offensive language one day! Angry

clemetteattlee · 20/10/2013 21:01

Not up myself - horrible abusive mother of my own and an extended family where children have no boundaries and are taught that swearing is acceptable from an early age. It was horrendous, has hampered the life chances of many of my cousins and has made me determined that my children will have a different experience.
OP admits she doesn't know the "twat" is less socially acceptable than "bloody." OP would you be happy if she described him as a "cunt"?

KepekCrumbs · 20/10/2013 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 20/10/2013 21:06

It wasn't even about the word twat,it was about the ops friend saying her DD shouldn't speak badly of her dad.

Well actually yes she should, if it was relevant to the conversation.

tiredlady · 20/10/2013 21:06

Surely that would depend if he is actually a cunt or not?

Lets suppose for a minute that the man in question was sexually abusive.
Would you honestly criticise a 16 yr old for describing him as such?
I repeat, she is 16 not 6

usualsuspect · 20/10/2013 21:09

Is she had said 'my dad's a silly sausage' you wouldn't get your prissy knickers half as twisted.

Writerwannabe83 · 20/10/2013 21:10

I'm 30 and I wouldn't use the word twat in front of my parents now! Shock Very rude and disrespectful! If I'd have spoken like that when I was 16, whether a visitor was present or not, I would have been crucified!

I'm not surprised your guest passed comment on it, I would have done too!

Original poster
Opalite · 20/10/2013 21:10

clemetteattlee, I think swearing depends on the situation, if she had said 'cunt' I'd personally have been shocked as I haven't heard her say it before I don't think BUT as she was only with me and the woman in the OP I honestly don't think it would have changed anything...
Again, what she said was relevant to our conversation (the conversation was between me, the woman and my daughter)

OP posts:
Original poster
Opalite · 20/10/2013 21:12

Writerwannabe, the comments weren't focused on the word 'twat' being used, they were more about the fact that my daughter was saying negative things about him

OP posts:
Spirulina · 20/10/2013 21:12

It's not the word that is wrong

It's be allowed to slag off another parent and a siblings parent. And her mother lets it happen, agrees and doesn't see any wrong in it.... This is 2 seperate men her dd is allowed to speak of in this way

Divorced parents encouraging children to get involved like this? Op, how old is your son? And 'he kind of agrees'? He is outnumbered with you and his sister.

usualsuspect · 20/10/2013 21:13

Her friend wasn't passing comment on the word twat.

Original poster
Opalite · 20/10/2013 21:15

Spirulina I wonder what you suggest? Should she not be allowed to voice her opinions or should we all pretend that they are good people and good fathers
Again, my DD is 16 she isn't a small child and is old enough to be aware of the facts and form her own opinion, in this case that her dad is a 'useless twat'
I didn't say he kind of agrees, he agrees, I said he words it differently.

OP posts:
tiredlady · 20/10/2013 21:17

Spirulina
The girl is 16 not 6
At what age is she allowed to use critical words to describe her dad?

Tiredmumno1 · 20/10/2013 21:21

For those who think it was disrespectful, I would like to see the answer to the question that tiredlady posted at 21.06.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 20/10/2013 21:23

After reading some of the posts on this thread I had to check I hadn't entered netmums by mistake Grin

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 20/10/2013 21:25

By the sounds of things in this instance twat isn't so much a swearword as a statement of fact.

Spirulina · 20/10/2013 21:27

So what have these men done op?

Spirulina · 20/10/2013 21:27

And how old is your ds?

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