Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fall out with her over this and stop speaking to her

157 replies

Opalite · 20/10/2013 19:25

This woman who I met not too long ago but have been getting on well was round at my house, my DD, the woman and I were sitting outside and part of the conversation was my DD calling her dad and DSs dad 'useless twats' and a few other things. This is when the woman started saying you shouldnt speak about your dad like that, it's disrespectful and you wouldn't be here without him and loads of other crap. I was pissed off because firstly she was in our home telling my 16 year old DD what she should and shouldn't do and secondly because DD should be allowed to say her opinion about a person...
It made me feel really uncomfortable but I didn't shout at her or anything, I just said something like 'no, she can say what she wants and she's right etc.' then I said 'we should really get ready to go out now dd' and said to her that me and dd will be busy now, bye etc

We havent known each other for too long, I do have to see her very regularly though! I am wondering if I should just tell her I don't want to have much to do with her any more OR if I'm actually being unreasonable

OP posts:
HopeS01 · 20/10/2013 20:00

Dorris if you're reffering to a woman's genitals I think there are worse words she could have chosen, one beginning in C and ending in T comes to mind...
Hmm

FWIW I think she used "Twat" as a stronger word for idiot or imbecile or something along those lines

(Sorry if this X posts but it's taken a while to send

HopeS01 · 20/10/2013 20:03

Spirulina ... WTAF Hmm

Viviennemary · 20/10/2013 20:05

I do think it's inappropriate and not very polite to correct teenage behaviour in front of their parents when you are a guest in their house.

BasilBabyEater · 20/10/2013 20:05

Oh FFS at all you po-faced twats who are shocked about a teenager using the word twat.

I don't know if yabu to fall out with the woman or not, it depends on what else she's going for her.

If she was anything like the cunts on here who are so outraged by a 16 year old using the word twat though, I'd fall out with her.

Grin
TheHouseCleaner · 20/10/2013 20:05

I find it a bit disappointing that some posters would rather come out in support of a non family member who feels it appropriate to tick a young woman off in her own home than they would back their own daughter when (if the OP is to be believed) the young woman has stated nothing but the truth and said it from the vantage point of personal experience.

zippey · 20/10/2013 20:07

I can understand why you are upset and I can understand why she pulled up your daughter on her nasty language. I think you're both right to feel the way you do. But I think you should persevere with your friend if she is a good person. Its always good to have someone there who isnt afraid to pull people up on their behaviour.

Although what your daughter said isnt nice, she probably has just cause to feel the way she does. She shouldn't be undermined in her own house. Equally, its not nice to hear swear words like "cunt/twat" when you are a visitor.

KirjavaTheCorpse · 20/10/2013 20:14

If it was only in objection to the fact she was talking about her father in a less-than-positive way, and not her language (which different people have different levels of tolerance for, and that's fine), then yanbu.

Either way I wouldn't have said anything if I were your friend, as just as much as she thinks it's inappropriate for a child to have an opinion about her father and voice it (God knows I voiced my opinions about my own parents, at a younger age even, and it wasn't pretty), it's doubly inappropriate for anyone to tell someone off in their own home.

HopeS01 · 20/10/2013 20:15

Zippey, would you say Twat was in the same "league of swear words" as Cunt!?

Coffeenowplease · 20/10/2013 20:15

Not language shocking at all really...

Coffeenowplease · 20/10/2013 20:16

Gah. Shocking language.

Madasabox · 20/10/2013 20:18

YABKOU - I would have thought a lot less of anyone I heard speaking in such an indiscriminate way about their parents in front of a relative stranger. I can see why she was shocked. At the same time, it really isn't her place to but in and tell your daughter off either. Especially if you were willing to condone her behaviour. It's a bit 50/50 I think.

Anyway, given she obviously thinks differently to you about manners and behaviour, it is likely she will avoid you now too so I wouldn't worry!

ImperialBlether · 20/10/2013 20:18

This reminds me of my friend's experience. It was her first year of teaching and a four year old in her Reception class told her to fuck off. My friend spoke to the child's mum after school and told her what her child had said, thinking her mum would want to know and to talk to her daughter about her language, where she'd heard words like that, etc. Instead the woman rolled up her sleeves and shouted at my friend, "What the fuck did you do to her to make her say that?"

Original poster
Opalite · 20/10/2013 20:20

Madasabox she's been in contact with me since this

I think I'm going to just..do nothing but if she does something similar again then I don't think I'd want much else to do with her

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 20/10/2013 20:20

The OPS DD is 16 ,not 4.

Original poster
Opalite · 20/10/2013 20:21

ImperialBlether I don't see many similarities between the two situations at all...

OP posts:
TheHouseCleaner · 20/10/2013 20:22

Grin @ ImperialBlether. Hey, you never know, the mum may have had a point! Grin Wink

The people who are saying that the

VeryStressedMum · 20/10/2013 20:22

I wouldn't be happy with someone telling my dd off, but then neither would I be happy about my dd talking that way in front of my friend....

clemetteattlee · 20/10/2013 20:23

I'm 39, I still don't say "twat" in company (although often mutter it in my head.) All a bit Jeremy Kyle OP.

usualsuspect · 20/10/2013 20:23

Neither do I,Opalite.

I think you are right, If you like her see how things pan out.

usualsuspect · 20/10/2013 20:24

I wouldn't call someone a bit Jeremy Kyle on MN either.

CoffeeTea103 · 20/10/2013 20:24

I'm glad at least one of the adults there spoke to the girl about respect. Regardless of what you or your dd think about her dad, it sounds disrespectful to hear it.

usualsuspect · 20/10/2013 20:25

Bloody hell when did MN get so sanctimonious.

HopeS01 · 20/10/2013 20:26

Imperial Grin oh gosh, your poor friend!

BrokenSunglasses · 20/10/2013 20:27

I don't think the word twat is particularly offensive, but I'd be really embarrassed if my 16yo spoke like that in front of an adult, especially one she didn't know very well.

It's just not very nice, and I'd prefer my children to be respectful with their language and use good manmers in from of adults. It's irrelevant that what she said is true.

ImperialBlether · 20/10/2013 20:28

Grin Yes, and that was in the first week of the Autumn term, so she knew she was in for a rough ride.