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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

802 replies

YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo · 17/10/2013 22:16

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

OP posts:
thanksamillion · 10/04/2014 11:41

I thought that she couldn't go back so soon because of the visa. Is that not the case? Let's hope that if she is determined to settle over there she can make it work.

Sharaluck · 10/04/2014 11:56

I agree it is a hopeless situation. :(

Has she had any legal/immigration advice?

Friends won't be able to help her as her potenitial problems are huge! And she seems to be an ignorant ostrich. That poor baby Angry

paddyclampo · 10/04/2014 16:23

I'm amazed they let her back into the country! Are you sure your friend isn't making this up OP?

Aeroflotgirl · 11/04/2014 22:39

I agree I would step back and let her get on with it. You have trie, let her make her mistakes and hope this shows her reality.

NatashaBee · 12/04/2014 02:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LibraryMum8 · 12/04/2014 04:14

Something is amiss here. I'm in the USA and if he has no interest in her - how in earth is he going to pay all her expenses? She's not a spouse, or partner for that matter, and without insurance that birth is going to cost him thousands! And why is his mother keen on it?

I don't want to sound dramatic but something is really wrong here. Is he extremely wealthy that thus is going to come out of his pocket? And if he has no interest in her why does he even want to do this? I'd think if he was feeling responsible he'd be just giving her money for her care there in the UK. Does all expenses paid mean, but we'll make you give over the baby?!

I wouldn't care if I lost a friend over this, she needs to be told something is not right. At the very least she needs to find out his motivation and seek legal counsel. He is the father - doesn't he still have a responsibility financially for the child? All sounds very off and fishy to me.

LibraryMum8 · 12/04/2014 05:41

Sorry obviously I read the post and not the 32 pages!!

mathanxiety · 12/04/2014 06:41

TAKE THEIR PASSPORTS

What sort of visa did she go to the US with the time she went over to get married?

If it looks to USCIS as if she secretly entered the US with the visitor visa in order to get married and bypass the normal finace/e visa requirement, with the aim of staying in the US on the basis of marriage then she can be accused of visa fraud. She has the double whammy of looking as if she got herself pregnant (so to speak) on holiday and sought to have an anchor child born in the US.

THe US party can claim he saw through her devious plans and filed for divorce straight away but let her stay to have the baby which he paid for, blah blah. He looks irreproachable all the way. He walks away with the baby. She looks like a crook and is deported. SHe never gets to see her baby again because she will never again be able to enter the US.

The visa situation may well be used against her by her H as a way to manipulate her into signing over rights or that cruel custody arrangement, or allowing him to just simply abuse her any way he wants. SHe is in a very vulnerable situation.

She needs to know she can go to a local women's shelter for help regardless of her immigration/visa status, and she can take her baby too. From there she can contact Reunite.org and it's possible a shelter would refer her to a lawyer (who will be crap because you get what you pay for).

What a fucking idiot she is.

mathanxiety · 12/04/2014 06:50

And if she tries to apply for a green card on the basis of marriage or the baby, and by some chance USCIS believes the true love fairy tale, she will have to stay in the US for as long as it takes for the green card to be issued. So she stands the chance of being marooned there for a good while

THe green card process takes lengthy interviews, with long waits (months) between appointments.

The H would have to cooperate fully for her to get this far he would be interviewed too, and their answers to detailed questions about their relationship, each others' families, lives, etc. would need to match so this prospect is unlikely, because if granted a green card she would have some legal standing in the US as a resident and as the mother of her child, whereas on a visitor visa she has absolutely none and he would have a lot of leverage over her. She might even be too afraid of jeopardising her residence in the US by gong to the police no matter what he did to her or to the baby due to her visa status.

paddyclampo · 13/04/2014 23:06

As a previous poster has mentioned, if the USCIS find anything fishy going on she will be banned from entering the US for at least 10 years. Such a sad, scary story :/

lazypepper · 16/04/2014 08:03

oh, just seen the updates.

I am worried about the consequences for the mother.

She'd be so much better staying in the UK with the baby - so much is at stake once it all gets into the hands of US immigration.

):

Sleepyhoglet · 16/04/2014 21:55

Does she mind that she is now going to be a divorcee and in a custody battle? It is dire.

FrancesNiadova · 19/05/2014 11:56

Yoni, have you heard from your friend, did she go back to the USA, how did things work out?

SaggyAndLucy · 22/05/2014 21:47

Oh yes. Any news?

HexBramble · 01/06/2014 01:07

....

NatashaBee · 01/06/2014 01:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 03:50

We call them anchor babies over here. When the baby is old enough he can allow the mother to become a US citizen, and she can stay with the baby without a visa (or more accurately, they can't deport her because of the child).

But, if you don't want the man to be part of your life, don't do it. Once it's a US citizen they can fight for custody and they can take the baby and kick her (the illegal citizen) back to the UK. You really don't want an international custody case.

lbsjob87 · 01/06/2014 04:14

I have a friend who moved to America to meet a guy she met on the Internet.
A few months later, she's pregnant with his child, playing Happy Families.
Baby arrives, turns out
a) he's married to someone else, but has left his wife and 3 kids with no forwarding address
b) he is some hotshot legal bod who has a high powered cocaine addiction that he pays for by dealing the stuff and is basically a total wanker, and who ended up in jail because of it
c) because my friend got pregnant quite quickly her visa ran out when she was about 32 weeks. She was advised not to fly home before the birth, so had her son there.
He's now a US citizen, she is technically an illegal immigrant because her visa expired. The ex took her to court and the long and short is, if she leaves, she can't go back, and if she takes her son she is technically abducting him as his dad managed to get an injunction on him leaving the country before he's 18, I think it is.
He's 12 at the mo.
He hasn't seen his dad since he was three, but even so, the injunction stands.
Because of her overstaying her visa but having a US citizen for a kid, she has various rules to follow, isn't allowed certain jobs or welfare payments.
She was only allowed to stay at all because the dad was classed as unfit, or she'd have been deported without her son.
Essentially, it's a bloody great big mess.
And by the sounds of it, your friend is heading the same way.

You have to tell her these stories on this thread. If he was so desperate to help he wouldn't want her flying anyway and would come to her.

He wants the baby to himself, no doubt about it. If she goes, she has to be prepared to come home without it. He's effectively buying it off her.

lbsjob87 · 01/06/2014 04:19

Oh, just realised this thread is 7 months old. Does anyone know the outcome??

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 04:19

Whoops. Too late. She did it... and she married him. Oh dear. Shock

Well, I can promise the courts are likely going to tear him a new one for marrying her to get on his health care and then divorcing her to get the child, especially if he's the one that served the papers. They'll see through that. They won't take the child if she's breast feeding, even if she's not courts typically favor the moms.

This may not work out well for him. He may well end up having to pay her alimony, child support, and help her become a US citizen. It's very rare that the US will deport a mother, but they may not let the baby leave which goes back to him paying and supporting her.

What a mess.

They're both stupid.

lbsjob87 · 01/06/2014 04:24

Well, that's that then.
It's the baby I feel sorry for - there's no happy solution here.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 04:29

She might get lucky. He fucked it up big time by marrying her. If he wanted her baby, he should have let her have it on her visa.

fifi669 · 01/06/2014 11:41

Any updates OP?

TheEponymousGrub · 03/06/2014 12:51

Hello OP. You should at least be comforted that you did what you could. Maybe you don't want to update any more, because, well, when would you stop? But I would so love to hear that she didn't go back to US...

Itsfab · 03/07/2014 18:44

Is your friend and her baby safely back in the UK?

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