to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

[YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo]

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

'she' meaning mother of child, not the OP!

She doesn't sound like she's got much maternal instinct. What exactly are her family doing about this? Can one of them fly out with her if that's what she's going to do?

Any news OP?

There are many comments filled with good advice. I agree with wobblyweebles and Acrossthepond55 - she should not go to the USA yet at least. Take a deep breath, get expert advice and do not get bullied by the threat of legal action. BD can threaten all he wants, but he has to go through the legal system and that takes some time. If your friend does what she can on this end to establish her rights and hopefully full custody, it will takes months and months for things to work their way through the system. The longer her baby resides with the mother here, the stronger her position is.

Of course, as you've stated throughout this thread, your friend is not very sensible or realistic. Ask her, does she mind losing custody of her child? She will, without a doubt unless she takes action now. Ask her how she will feel not seeing her baby for 6 months at a time (supposing the BD honors that arrangement in any case).

I actually think there should be some kind of a shared custody arrangement at some point in the best interests of the child, after all the father does have some rights here and he obviously wants to be involved. Currently however, his intent appears to be untrustworthy based upon the OP's reported behaviors/comments made by the BD.

I must say, this whole thing is just bizarre. Random hook-up results in pregnancy, father goes to extreme and costly lengths to have baby born in USA, even marries the woman to access military free healthcare only to divorce within a few months. You can't make this stuff up!

I know I wonder why her and not some random in his his country, that would've been easier,

Only just seen this thread and whilst reading it I realised she actually went through with this!
Very alarming and I hope that in the end things work out well for her.
I hope this thread is a lesson to those who are thinking of doing similar

Any update?

Did you go over?

Any update OP?

Argh - one of those threads where we'll never know

I've been doing some Facebook stalking. The stupid cow is now stateside. I'll text Yoni in the morning see if we can have more info.

I admire your loyalty Opyonis but maybe now is the time to step back for your sake.

She has shown an absolute disregard for everybody but herself and her warped sense of what a relationship is. She has placed her son at risk too- at risk of being motherless in an extremely dysfunctional environment, miles from 50% of his extended family.

Sometimes the only way a person will start to act is when others step back. Tough love.

Good luck and I am sorry it came to this. You have been an amazing friend.

Oh my god. She is going to pay such a horrifically high price for being so incredibly dense, naive and delusional, not to mention very, very selfish (that poor baby) So sad and frustrating. I genuinely thought she couldn't be so dumb as to go back this time having been told the harsh reality of the situation.

Poor child and mother people can be so cruel x

She's stupid. Not naive, not dense. Pure stupid. It's time to take a step back and do nothing OP. She won't listen, probably doesn't care. She will lose her son and that's that. Selfish.

This is terrible. :( I'll be in VA in September, I can go...do...something? :(

I think the general feeling is bugger her, she won't be helped. It's not all doom and gloom though. She seems to have made friends with quite a few other mums over there, so she's not totally isolated.
Maybe she will emigrate permanently and they'll find a reasonable way to co-parent.

Really? But how?

That would be a fantastic thing to happen but everyone knows that there is no way that this is gna end happily ever after.

I cant believe that she actually went back.

Oh dear lord! Is this still ongoing?!?!