Mother is refusing to bring DD (3) back from abroad as agreed!

[AbsolutelyBloodyFurious]

My mother and stepfather live abroad in an Asian country that is a 16 hour flight away. They are out there due to my stepfather's work.

DH and I visited with DD (aged 3) last month for 2 weeks and as we had been experiencing some marital difficulties (he let's me do everything-cleaning, shopping, paperwork, childcare drop offs etc even though I earn double what he does and I am sick of it), my mother suggested that DD stay on with them for 2 weeks extra (as they are flying back to the UK anyway) to give us some time together.

I was not happy and said no initially as I am quite an anxious person and it is just too far away but was made to feel like an idiot so I agreed.

DD was supposed to come back next Wednesday but my mother has just rung me and said that they are postponing coming back until next month due to problems with stepfather's work so DD will have been over there for almost 7 weeks in all without us.

I am beyond furious. I would never have left her if I had any suspicion that they would do this. I am already completely stressed out worrying about DD constantly. My mother will look after her OK but anything could happen right? I cannot cope with another 5 weeks of this. There is also the impact this will have on DD being away from us so long.

I can't afford another flight out there and would need at least another week off work which I won't get.

Mother has said she won't fly back on her own with DD. She has to wait for my stepfather (mother does not work out there).

I want to bloody scream!!

Where's the delete notice? It's going to be a doozy.

@ScarerStratton

Where's the delete notice? It's going to be a doozy.

We have no reason to delete this thread as yet but would like to take a moment to link to our talk guidelines in particular the points about troll hunting.

Thanks again

@BeerTricksPotter

The MNHQ post above is not an indication that any particular OP is trolling/begging.

They don't go in for coded messages, they just put that on any thread where there is a possibility posters may feel they could help by offering money or material goods.

Indeed.

I hope it's a troll. The thought that anyone would leave their toddler in a foreign country with people who are basically strangers to her for weeks in the first place is bad enough. To not be desperate to get her at any cost/inconvenience and just accept not seeing her for 2 months I can't understand at all. Poor kid.

op shall i just give you my paypal number direct and we can cut out all the bollocks
:)

True or not can I just point out that in lots of cultures children are bought up by their relatives whilst their parents go abroad to work . I've worked with plenty of nurses that have sent their children 'home' rather than put them into childcare . It wouldn't work for me but it seems to work for them .

OP - either you are furious in which case go get her or you aren't in which case chill out. But whatever, I think you need some sort of therapy to sort out your issues with your mother.

Whilst I'm sure she'll be 'looked after', despite being in the hands of , I presume when you left your daughter she knew she would be seeing mummy in 2 weeks time?
My 3 year old would be seriously affected by another 5 weeks going by, that's a bloody lifetime in 3 year old world.
I can't believe that this is even up for debate in your head, especially with your mother's penchant for bullying and controlling behaviour.
You can't take time off work? who are you Kofi Annan?

OP

You are upset, worried, annoyed, concerned enough to post for advice.

Most people think you need to get over there ASAP as your MOTHER Is refusing to bring your daughter back to you. She is already keeping her and not sending her back!

*being in the hands of a control freak who bullies people

Poor dd :(

Crazy. Go and get her.

I doubt 7 weeks will cause long term damage to a securely attached 3 year old, but I would be desperate to see any of my DCs by now. I would be on a plane, regardless of cost.

I knew someone, originally from Eastern Europe, who when she was pregnant with DC2, sent her 2 year old DS to stay with GPs in E Europe for a few weeks to 'give her a break'. Whilst he was over there, the little boy contracted meningitis and ended up in hospital over there.

I haven't kept in touch with her, but I sometimes wonder what emotional damage this did to her DS. She seemed to have no idea this could be a problem.

How often are you speaking / skyping with her? How does she seem when you speak to her?

.

Welcome to mumsnet, what an interesting first post etc...

I think anyone in their right mind in this unlikely scenario would be getting on the next flight out, not debating the possible psychological effects on the dd of not bothering to do so. Hth.

Assuming this is true, don't forget OP that you have the right to take a 'reasonable' amount of time off work to sort out emergency family issues. It is not something that you can be disciplined for either. This situation would most certainly be classed as such an emergency. If it were me, I would be getting on the next plane out there regardless of cost and when I got there I would be pretty blunt with my mother about how she can possibly think that this is acceptable behaviour.