To not buy off THE list, and tell list Bitch to piss off.

[ShadeofViolet]

Last year DD was invited to the party, and with the invite came an Amazon gift list of all the things the girl wanted. I though I found the exact thing on the list cheaper elsewhere, so I got it elsewhere.

About a week later, the Mum comes up to me in the playground and asks if I have the receipt because the item wasn't correct and she didn't think I had got it off the precious list.

Yesterday DD had an invited from the same girl and a list. On the list in red crayon is written 'Please buy Jane any of these things but only these, thank you, LB'.

After last years rudeness I want to buy something else and then 'lose' my receipt so she cant return it.

AIBU?

Have skipped to end, so sorry if I'm repeating, but dare I interject that a wish list is quite 'green'.

My kids get such a myriad of shite when they have their parties that I'm starting to wonder about charity donations to Cancer Research instead coz that's where the majority of the presents end up.

It is better to spend a fiver on something the child actually wants than a tenner (or twenty) on some crap that'll not be played with or that they already have, that's just throwing money away IMO.

I'd be delighted to get a wish list, saves me asking the parent or child what they actually want coz I'm not going to turn up empty handed and a tenner in a card is a bit of a cop out (although preferable to another crap, probably recycled and re-gifted from their own child's party, pointless present)!

Sleep I agree that only giving gifts that are wanted (and not duplicated) is quite green, but I think you missed the post where OP explained that most of the gifts on the list are £12+ where accepted MN wisdom is that party gift budget is £5-10.

The cheapest thing was £5.99, though, Sleep.

"She was not only crass enough to distribute a gift list, but took you to task for daring to purchase your gift elsewhere??
Is she on commission?"

No, she's on glue

When children live between two houses, parents can need to be more organised about their toys, and the things they are given.

Perhaps that's what this mum is doing, just trying to exert some control over what things her DD has and where they go.

I think her way of doing it us a little heavy handed, but if you've only spoken to her a few times in the play ground, and your DDs are such good mates, why not spend done time getting to really know her before you call her a bitch and publicly abuse her?

Not read all responses, but I would give her a lovely set of glitter ... think of all the hours of pleasure this would provide.

Sorry but she is a bitch. Last year the OP picked up something that was on the list but not from Amazon so this year is has been stated that it must come from Amazon, then picks really expensive stuff, far more than I spend on a present. Also she asks for the receipt, who does this! Rude cow!

Drum or really really really loud tambourine?

She may be returning the stuff in return for cash if she's using Amazon.

She must be, why on earth would she be annoyed that the OP had bought the same thing but from somewhere else.

She claimed it wasn't the same thing though. I'm not au fait with the toy in question but I gather it's like putting vet Barbie on the list and OP giving doctor Barbie, or something.

I like the idea of all invitees getting the £5.99 thing from places other than amazon and no receipt.

Hope you'll give the mother a list of suggestions instructions of what to put in the party bags

That is truly disgusting!

Suck on that Listzilla!

When is the party OP? Please update with her response to the book token!

YANBU. I would NEVER ask for a specific item from anyone for my children, not even my parents! I will tell people what they are into if they ask, nothing specific though just 'in the night garden', 'ben and holly' or toy cars/soft toys etc. You can get themed things in poundland and wilkinsons and other cheap places, would never do a list as not only do I not want spoilt bratty children but I wouldn't want to put off people who didn't have enough money to buy from the list from coming to my child's party! He would be more upset if his friends didn't turn up than by not getting particular presents!

Buy everything on the list. Wait until everyone else has bought an alternative present. Then return the gift list stuff to Amazon.

I can see why some people would think YANBU but I find it makes my jjob easier when buying presents. Maybe I'm lazy though.

She has a cheek! [sceptical]
To check the item, and then pull you up for not buying it on Amazon and ticking the box!

I would tell my DS to ask Jane what SHE wants from her BF, and ignore the sodding list. Also, give the pressie to Jane that morning, before the party. And maybe try to schedule your visits to co-incide with Daddy access?

You're absolutely right to have bought a book token, OP.

But I'm a bit sad you didn't get her one of these - not only is the noise bloody infuriating, there is also the chance you could take someone's eye out with it. What's not to like?

I can see why you would be irritated OP, but to be honest I would just have bought the cheapest thing on her list. It's your kid who will hear the snarky comments at the party, and it's her friendship that could get damaged. To me it's a pick your battles thing.

But you have balls to go with a book token

Blimey! I'd hate to make another parent feel grotty cos they couldn't afford a "list" item - what a selfish cow!

I've only ever asked for and been given guidelines NOT orders iykwim about what to get for kids with SN's.

Due to my own financial position I tend to get a box set from the book people, and then split the books as and when parties come up. I just don't HAVE £15-20 to spend on Amazon at a moment's notice, & I suspect neither do many parents with high childcare bills/low paid jobs/on benefits etc.

Quite often I make the flippin' gift. For a year or two I was asked for and was happy to make sock monkeys after DS started a bit of a playground craze for the darn things. Thanks to "Primarni" they were cheap enough to make, but no-one got a thrill out of conspicuous consumption.

DS is now 9 and looking forward to making bath bombs and shower "jelly" aka Lush this year for gifts. I want him to learn that gift giving can be fun and about more than just money iykwim.

What I won't do is encourage "entitlement" in a 5 year old. It's totally wrong and setting the kid up for a life of misery as the "gimme gimme" attitude never made anyone happy as an adult. There's grace in receiving as well as giving gifts - a lesson this Mum has never learned.

Wanna bet this is a Mum who doesn't "do" thank you notes?

Wasn't the cheapest thing on the list £5.99?

I think it's a bit mad to be taking it all so to heart tbh!

Do let us know if there is any overt remark on the book token

Bochead - i dont do thank you notes. In my opinion they are a waste of time and money because i always make sure my dd says thank you when she receives a gift.

There is no way I am like this mother. There is no way I am bringing my dd up to be spolit and entitled. I want my dd to invite her friends to enjoy a party with her. I do not want my dd inviting people to a party just to get gifts.

I do not see where the connection you have made comes from.