To not buy off THE list, and tell list Bitch to piss off.

[ShadeofViolet]

Last year DD was invited to the party, and with the invite came an Amazon gift list of all the things the girl wanted. I though I found the exact thing on the list cheaper elsewhere, so I got it elsewhere.

About a week later, the Mum comes up to me in the playground and asks if I have the receipt because the item wasn't correct and she didn't think I had got it off the precious list.

Yesterday DD had an invited from the same girl and a list. On the list in red crayon is written 'Please buy Jane any of these things but only these, thank you, LB'.

After last years rudeness I want to buy something else and then 'lose' my receipt so she cant return it.

AIBU?

Get your dd to choose something she thinks Jane would like- after all the present is from her to her friend. Then if the mum asks for the receipt say 'oh no, dd will be horrified that Jane didn't like the present she spent soooooo long choosing'.

I have no problem at all with wish lists (and a wedding without a list scares me!), but they shouldn't be demands. If you don't want endless tat just say 'no presents'.

it all sounds very controlling to me.

I think I would pick up a little something in the shops and ignore the list. Don't get something expensive, she may insist on taking it back.

Wow, do not buy off the list! This is the height of rudeness.

Last year did you give her the receipt op? I hope you didn't! I can't believe her gall.

If I could afford it I would buy an item from the list and give the receipt directly to the DM, in the company of other adults (but preferably not in front of the DCs)
If it was too expensive I would just not take a gift and say why.

Send a card with 'i'm sorry that we haven't been able to give you a present. We don't buy from Amazon on principle. We would love to have Jane for tea at our house on X date when we will shower her with little gifts from shops which pay tax/don't stock violent porn in their kindle store/aren't damaging the post office* delete as appropriate ' :-).

Incredibly rude and grabby.

Jesus do people actually do this?!

List or nothing? . Staggering rudeness.

Though, you could smilingly accede to her request and send nothing but a 3D card lovingly made by DD out of cardboard and lots of glitter. Jane will love it and it will be on her windowledge for months

I'd buy the £5.99 thing while it's available and draw a line under it. It does sound the mum is trying to build up a nice Lego collection for her DD rather than getting loads of bits of tat. I can actually see the benefit of that and I'm guessing the most expensive items are probably intended for grandparents and aunties rather than school pals. It's still rudely worded but given your description of the list I have more sympathy with the mum than I did initially.

Especially a book token. People grabby cows like these hate book tokens because "wot vey wan a facking book for? I can't facking put vat on ebay".

That's a direct quote from a mother of DD's class mate, then in Y3. Also noted for organising vanbanging trips whenever offenders against children were tried locally.

Ha ha ha ha.... first the thread about the kids party were the grabby parents requested cash instead of a present and they specified an amount of £5-£10 now a grabby mother that sends a list out insisting you get it from Amazone and no where else even if its the same toy..... Lets not forget a few months back the grabby mother that had a gift list for her DC christening but the list consisted of lots of pampering gift ideas for her facials etc. Ha ha ha ha ha. God I wonder what's next? Ha ha ha ha

Op YANBU.. This would drive me to purposely find a present from the list elsewhere and lose the receipt....

I wouldn't care if the mum is trying to build up a nice collection of lego for her daughter. If people ask then fine...otherwise you graciously accept what people choose to give...you don't boss other people into paying for it!

Oh stand up to this woman and get the book token, really. Someone has to fight the good fight, OP, and this week it's you!

I see Ghoul's point about the mum wanting to avoid 'under the bed presents' and build up a lovely Lego collection but it's still rude to assume that presents from other children would be tat rather than carefully chosen presents. Also, if I want my children to have a nice collection of an expensive toy line then I assume I'll be building that collection myself (yes, maybe with additions from grandparents if they ask for present suggestions). I wouldn't assume other parents could spend £10-20 on my child's gift. I also wouldn't be stipulating on the list that gifts must come from here and nowhere else.

Somebody I know had a similar problem. one of the Dads added his own checkbox at the bottom of the list wrote 'Cheap and Cheerful' and ticked that! . Not being Unreasonable at all I wouldn't dream of putting a gift list in the DC's Invites! Nor have we ever received such lists come to think of it!

Exactly Sukebind.

momb is a genius. Great solution and impossible to argue with.

Bloody hell! No way. I think if you capitulate this time, you will feel obliged every year. I would ask your daughter/Jane what to get and go with that.

If she really must she could have included the list as 'inspiration/ideas' for presents...but to insist the list is used and nothing else. Who the hell does she think she is?? Poor kid. Lucky XH.

I love momb's reply.

I can't believe people really supply a gift list for kid's parties. Such bad manners.

Please please please get her this

I have never had my kids make a list of what they wanted for birthdays to be given out with invitations. It would just never have occurred to me

Very rude. If someone whose child was invited to the party asked me for guidance on what sort of thing to buy then I would offer up a few suggestions (inexpensive ones), but that is as far as I would go down that route.

@ Fuzzpig

I always give hints about the kind of things my DC's like by giving out invitations with a theme. I would never dream of doing a list because to me it is grabby.

I wasn't going to say what I got last year but I will now. It was a set of 4 La La Loopsy dolls. £15 on amazon but £15 in the entertainer so I got them there, but apparently I got the wrong set.

£10 in the entertainer.