to be upset that they googled the price of the bottle of wine I bought to the Mum's social?

[LovelyVerity]

DS has just started primary school. As I work full-time, I've never had much opportunity to meet other local mums, though I know some of them to nod to. Last Friday, one of the mothers organised a social (bring a bottle) at her house and invited all the P1 mums.

It wasn't the best evening for me - I only had 5 minutes to change as I was late back from work, and felt a bit of a mess. Everyone seemed to know each other and made no effort to include me, and one woman had this pointed conversation about how easy one child was - I don't find it easy :( I bought a bottle with me (obviously) - just grabbed quickly from the rack at home. I was given a glass of something I didn't like much - but obviously I didn't say that!! I was driving, so I only had the 1 glass.

Anyway, one of the mums I know slightly through work told me that after I had left a few of the mums there were pretty smashed and googled how much my wine cost. Apparently they have been posting silly comments about it on facebook all week - and it is "the" in-joke of the moment.

Is this normal behaviour? Am I being silly to feel so upset about this? DS seems to have settled well into school, but I can't help think that maybe it was a mistake to send him there if this is how the MOTHERS behave!

Bis I'm in scotland, plenty nannies on the school run here

That isn't the OP's fault Kithulu.

If she had arrived announcing her expensive bottle that would be one thing, but no malice was intended.

They won't ALL be mean I promise...there will be one...and two or three of her hangers-on who did this to you Verity

Ignore, ignore...go about your business and chat to those who give good vibes.

I agree page, totally, how come those doing well are game because they are well off. Kithulu tat wine could have been given to op, not bought by her, anyway there is no need to make fun of and ridicule her, jst because you are not well off des not mean you have to be nasty. Igloo ingathertts what op meant. No San person would talk about these things to a group of people they do not know!

I don't think the OP is at fault either but she seemed to be asking why these women were so mean and have been laughing at her and the answer is because you work, because you're demonstrably well off and because they've seen the nanny more than you. None of that's fair at all but as we're all told (at school) life isn't fair. Ot works at both ends of the social spectrum - if you're not working and take cheap wine to a social with a room full of middleclass professional wohms you'll have the same problem. The issue is being different from the norm there, whatever that is. You either take it to heart or ignore it. I would ignore it.

you should have rocked up with a six pack of stella and a porkpie

It does not matter if it's a state school or a private school.

The other mums took the piss out of you and that is never ever good.

Would you like to be friends with them?

If you would I'm sure there is lots of advice here re becoming friends with 'them'

It can be hard at times but it is more than possible

I agree northern, just ignore them and move on

Igloo maybe it's a Scottish thing then

I think I'm with Pagwatch. Maybe I'm an idiot but I can't believe that most people are horrible, or most women, or most mothers.

I can imagine you're a bit of a mystery (remember what Cher said to thingy in "Clueless": "You have the one thing none of the rest of us has" Thingy: "Oh no, I'm not a virgin." Cher: "Nooo! I mean mystery."

You're exciting and new. You turn up with nice wine. Googling the wine you brought is probably the moder-day equivalent of sneaking upstairs at your house and going through your medicine cabinet. (I know, I know - Jilly cooper wrote in an article that she loved doing that. ).

I doubt it was done in a spirit of outright bitchery. I wonder if it was more drunken stupid-ness and nosiness - about you - but displaced onto the wine.

They are probably thrilled that there is someone new on the horizon.

However, if I am way off the mark with this, and they do turn out to be awful, well, they are the group to avoid at the school. Best forewarned. And Pag is also right that very bitchy groups spend all their time falling out with each other.

Happily I am a lower class rich person.

Best of both worlds, a bottle of Grange or a bottle of Lambrusco, it is all good.

Shake them off OP, don't worry about it, you didn't do anything wrong.

You're lucky to find out right away. It's much worse when you think you've met a decent group of friends and then find out much later that some of them bitch about you because of your money/education/accent etc. Smile when required but don't engage with them socially again.

Agree with Pag and Morloth. Totally out of order to ridicule and gloat OP's offering whether it was a £3 or a £30 bottle. These women sound horrible and uncouth and you have no reason to feel awkward or embarrassed, OP.

Totally out of order to discuss OP's wine on Facebook - they should have been more discreet and just done it in person.

Whenever a new person joins a group of course they will be discussed. It's just polite to pretend that you're not discussing them.

This all sounds like reverse snobbery to me. I bet they've issues about you having a nanny, having nice things and obviously being successful. I would take this as a complement and have a little laugh about it.

I assumed they were laughing about you bringing a cheap bottle. The fact that they're making a big deal out of a mid-high priced bottle reeks of insecurity.

I don't know how much 'comedy' they can wring out of the fact that you took a decent bottle of wine to their get together - but it has clearly backfired, because you won't be going to any more meet ups and they'll be stuck drinking their cheap vinegar!

Tosh!!!
I said first off her bottle of wine was too expensive before she told us it was £29.
That is just rude on a mums night round a house.She can bring an overly expensive bottle but certainly needs to explain why (in a rush)otherwise she is showing off or putting others down.
No one brings a £30 bottle to a mums social unless you that is the price of wine you would normally drink.

I would be more embarrassed to take a cheap bottle (A few of the parents in my area own a French vineyard together and are quite intimidating on the subject of wine.)

And surely the height of rudeness is googling the retail price of someone's wine for the purposes of laughing at them behind their back?

So what if OP does normally drink £30 bottles of wine? Does that make it alright?

The idea of mums meeting up is that you are in in it together..The whole reading tree program, the first maths etc. You go in with "look how much money we have " even unintentionally goes against that.

If I were to randomly grab a bottle from my rack, it is more than likely to be worth more than 30 quid (or AUD$50).

There isn't actually anything wrong with that you know.

Can you imagine this thread if the OP had paid attention and deliberately picked up a cheaper bottle? The shit would really hit the fan then.

This is the 'buying a round' mind fuck all over again.

If you have lots of money and you buy all the drinks, you are a flash wanker.
If you have lots of money and you buy the same as everyone else, you are a tight wanker.

And yes, some people do have wine racks full of £30 wine.