To be pissed off at BIL's and SIL's money issues?

[DSM]

Lets's begin this with the story - this is about DP's Brother and his wife.

DP and I are both low earners (both

I think the OP's final comment on her first post has come back and bitten her on the arse. Her BIL and SIL might not be very sensitive when talking about their finances but they are their finances.

It's not a great judge of audience to post extremely personal and identifiable details about someone else on a public forum when you have no idea who your audience might be.

YANBU. These people are pains. It doesn't seem to matter how little or how much money some folk have they are always moaning about money. Just say I'm sure a lot of people would like your problems and your salary. Or don't bother with them as much.

OP, I haven't read the whole thread, but I sympathise. I have the same in my family.

Next time they say they can't afford something, tell them you can't afford it either, and don't engage any further.

OP if you're close, I don't see why you can't just say (politely) that given the disparity in your circumstances you find it galling when they complain about money to you, and suggest that you're not the best people for that particular moan.

Op, I'd give up defending yourself. People are missing the point and are being very rude to you.

I don't think you are jealous. You just want some common courtesy for your feelings which is not unreasonable. As you say choose your audience. A bit of mutual moaning is ok, going on about it with no regard to your even worse circumstances is not on.

YANBU, they are being extremely tactless and crass. The trouble is, you can't choose your family.

I have a friend who occasionally likes to have a whinge about being broke. I always stay completely silent and I can physically see her checking herself and changing the subject - because of course she then remembers she is much better off financially than me. The difference is that I am a glass half full person and never moan about what I don't have, so it it easy for her to forget how much smaller my income is.

Some people like to whinge about being poor and there is no correlation between the whinging & the income level. It is not an attractive trait, but what can you do? I sympathise, and suggest next time they start up, start pretending to play a teeny violin - try and pick them up on it in a jokey way, so they know you don't take their grumbling seriously.

I think when you are genuinely up against it you are grateful for what you have.

Some people who have more money and therefore more choices moan because they know they COULD afford it, if they gave up something else. By asking you to supply wine etc for THEIR dinner party they can have the dinner without going over budget with the weekly food shop.

I suspect that over the years my DP and I have had a far higher income than my DB and DSIL. For private reasons they have obviously suspected the same. However, I have NO idea what they earn and I see no reason why they would know exactly what we earn.

I find your detailed knowledge of your in-laws' incomes a little odd.

I would never complain about a lack of money to my DB and his wife, so I agree your DBIL and wife shouldn't to you either, if they know you are poor.

I would not consider driving 100 miles and a hotel stay just for a family dinner party. I would think it financial madness. Perhaps they think your income is higher than it is because you could afford the journey and hotel?

In reality they asked you to take two bottles of wine (£12) instead of one (£6). Not the end of the world.

To be honest you do sound a bit jealous of their position. You have mentioned that your PIL paid for the higher education of both of their children but in some of your posts you seem to insinuate that your DBIL was favoured.

I know what all 3 of my siblings earn because they've told me or I've been told by my DM, who they've told. They don't know what I earn because it's less than half what the next 'poorest' earns. But they can guess as I'm in a much less prestigious industry not prestigious in the slightest, possibly quite the reverse! If any of them whinged to me about being poor whilst my DH is in full time education earning nowt and I'm on ML returning to work next year on just over half previous hours then I would be pretty peed off that it was me they were whinging to. Whinge to their other siblings on similar salaries but don't whinge to me on much much less. OP YANBU.