To be pissed off at BIL's and SIL's money issues?

[DSM]

Lets's begin this with the story - this is about DP's Brother and his wife.

DP and I are both low earners (both

to you both

but 50k if you pay hr tax on , ni and pension does come down considerably . If he has a 50k salary presumably plus the income from the rental and any investments then they will probably lose some CB , if not all, and probably from next year receive no tc. I understand your irritation if they appear to be rubbing it in but some of it seems a bit of sourgrapes on your part. So what if he can earn 900k in a few years , it hasn't happened yet and maybe they need to keep up a certain aspirational lifestyle in order to get there and that could be hard to afford on 50k. Maybe it is worth looking closer to home as to how your dh can improve his earning power (less than 20k as a graduate seems a bit limiting ) and you have a rethink whilst on ml to bring that house purchase a little closer.

DSM you're NBU to be unimpressed by their topic of conversation, and lots of folk are unfair to focus on the here and now and ignore the likely future.

But I also think you're being a little unreasonable, if they're that dull and rude hosts and companions, just stop spending time with them! Or ask them to shut up. You do sound jealous, not of their potential success exactly, but just feel that they should be not be justified in struggling (and tbh they shouldn't really be struggling and I suspect they are more because they're already trying to live the lifestyle they'll get in the future) So you should care less about their moaning, and if it really bothers you stop spending time with them and letting them - and say "sorry, we can't afford more wine, we're really short ourselves!" if you do.

Unless you ask them what their out goings are you don't know what their financial position is. I dont really understand what your issue is?

Are you annoyed that they asked you to bring wine? Or other things? Would you normally not bring wine to someone's house if they are hosting an evening?

You will only make yourself unhappy comparing yourselves to them - if they moan ignore/ change subjects/ moan louder to make a point / tell them to get over themselves - whatever but don't let jealousy get you - for your own sake

Sorry OP but there are some things in your assessment of their finances that just don't add up, so I am not sure you have a complete picture of their financial position.

For starters, no one in their right mind would have a mortgage-free Buy-to-let and a mortgage on their main home. I can bore you with the tax reasons for this, but you just wouldn't do it. You would remortgage the buy to let and use that to pay down the mortgage on the place you live in.

Secondly, I've been wracking my brains about what on earth job he could have that will see a pay jump from £50k-£900k and can't think of one. Is that a typo? Did you mean £90K?
Because not even the most successful or lucky banker would have that sort of pay jump, it just doesn't happen.

You also say he has had 8 years of hard slog to get to a position earning £50k. Did this require post-grad courses and study along the way? Because it is also entirely possible they have wracked up a debt to pay for that, and that is impacting on their disposable income.

But also, does BIL's wife work?

YABU.

You sound like you are either jealous, or you just don't like them.

Their money issues are as real to them as yours are to you, and if they can't be honest with their own sibling/sibling in law, then that's quite sad.

People that think that £50 is a lot of money are being short sighted. It really doesn't go that far when it has to support four people.

Well, LIZS - that was patronising! I am not on ML yet, and DP has a good job, he is a graduate but there were no graduate jobs in his field so he had to start from the bottom. He's progressing, slowly. But thanks for the tips

I can't stop spending time with them, FGS, they are DP's brother and SIL.

pigsmummy I see you haven't read the thread properly.

sparechange
They don't have a buy-to-let. They never had a buy-to-let. They bought a house, over 10 years ago, paid it off in full, and now they rent it out. They have one mortgage, and it is on their current home.

I can't tell you the job. I can only tell you it is basically consultancy work, and very, very specialist, and for very top end business. It is essentially self-employed, and he has been 'in training' for the past 18 months, for which he was paid by the firm for whom he now is associated with, a basic salary. So it't not a 'pay jump' as such - he is now doing the actual job, and will be paid for the work he does. He says he will be paid around £20k for the average job, and can average 4 in a month.

It involved 4 years of uni, post grad and then further vocational study for the next few years. All of which was entirely funded by PIL. Entirely - to the tune of about £30k, they said.

No, BIL's wife does not work.

Sorry if my post upset you but you do come across as a little self indulgent. Maybe he will earn 900k , although typically he won't if SE but on a contract basis nor is it easy to sustain a job that demanding without making other compromises. £400 means they only have a £200-250k mortgage which doesn't sound super luxurious, 2 cars probably on lease, nursery fees ? etc - it is easy to see where the money may go. Do you perhaps begrudge pil funding the qualifications which have got him this far ?

You don't have to engage if they annoy you. Take a bottle of budget wine if you feel obliged to go round and don't apologise for it. fwiw we rarely see sil's family.

Well, you need to either let it go over your head and stop letting it annoy you. Or you need to take the bull by the horns and say you don't want to talk any more about money issues, you'd rather it was all kept privately.

A lot of people like moan about not having enough money, wherever in your opinion, they do or don't.

Incidentally, if your Sil is on MN unless you have changes a lot of details,I think she might just recognise herself.

I would find them irritating as well. Although I agree that 50k isn't that high an income it is okay if your mortgage is covered by rental income.

If they are skint it's because they don't manage their money very well and they shouldn't expect sympathy from people who are considerably less well off than them. That is just inconsiderate.

OP - To be honest you sound bitter and jealous.

You have already admitted that they probably have similar disposable income to you. So, on a day to day basis they are not richer than you. Assets make no difference to whether they have got enough money to provide wine or not.

£50k earnings would not be getting tax credits, there is clearly something you are not aware of in the mix.

The fact that he is soon going to be earning such megabucks is actually irrelevant to now.

Life is all about choices and your BIL has chosen to study for several more years than most to get the job he is getting. (I must admit I am a bit sceptical about the level of earnings to start with though, but that's irrelevant). You and your DH have made your own choices, which impact on your lifestyle too. Whilst life it not all 'what you make of it' people do have choices and they do impact on life and money. Also on happiness, just because he's going to be earning loadsmoney doesn't mean they will actually be mega-happy.

I always tell DC that you can't tell how wealthy a person is, or not, by their house/car/watch etc. None of is know whether people (not your ILs) live in a 2 bed terraced with no mortgage or a massive mansion with 95% mortgage.

I know I have been harsh on you but I do think things aren't always what they seem (their situation not accusing you of lying OP). I do hope that when they get the megabucks though they don't moan then!

people who are a decent hard working family

with all the govt rhetoric we have to put up with I cant believe anyone can use that phrase

Go out and get a better paid job yourself if you are so jealous
yes go and get yourself a job that pays £50...they're so easily available why would you work for anything less

They wont get tax credits..maybe they used to but won't now

I find it rather sad that you would be so fixated on their income. I feel that for your sanity alone, you need to stop thinking about it. It is too easy to judge others on their perceived income and outgoings ( and I have been guilty of this in the past) without knowing everything. There is no reason why they can't have a moan-you can always moan back!

Oh, and I must say that I inferred from your first post that you both earnt under £20k and therefore potentially earning upwards of £35k or so each as you didn't exactly specify hence the first few posts. No need to get defensive about misunderstandings (and some of your posts have come across that way).

I think your point regarding 'know your audience' was reasonable but I still wouldn't get het up about it. I'm in South London and £50k between you wouldn't get squat.

people are idiots- a girl i work with posted a message on facebook excited about her brand new mini- followed by mentions of belt tightening, beans on toast for tea etc etc.

my dsis has a husband that earns £120k. she does not work- she was passionately moaning about the fact that their private health insurance (that they dont pay for) now has an excess of £100 per claim. i struggled to sympathise

£50k to £900K in a few months, hmm sure.

You now far too much about their earnings, I could guess my siblings and ils earnings as they ours but none of us know the exact amounts.

lessmissabs oh god, why didn't I think of that?!
Of course. I shall go tomorrow and get myself a better paid job. Thanks!

Honestly - you all seem to think I am ragingly bitter about their situation. I'm not, at all! I'm pleased for them.

I just don't need to hear them piss and moan about being poor when they aren't. And if they are, they won't be very soon. It's grating.

I'm not innocent about tax? no idea what that refers to. I pay tax. I understand tax. He is cleverer than me. That's fair, I shall agree.

But at suggesting if report them to the inland revenue. For what?! They are family, Jesus...

I think it might be a kind of bragging by the back door...a way of emphasizing the difference in financial situations without making a direct reference to it.

Assuming they know what your income is then the implication is that if they cant manage on theirs how on earth do you manage on your (much smaller) income

Another YANBU to cheer you up, DSM. There's one of these in my family, too, only they've already reached the stratospheric income. I just grit my teeth and try to remember everyone's problems are crucial to themselves. It doesn't help that this person sees poverty as a weakness and me as a scrounger

I do, however, say "I can't afford it" every single time they suggest a meet-up that will involve expense. They don't want to come to mine (probably too downmarket!) so, if they want to include me, they have to pay. I recommend practising "We can't afford that," until it comes out with ease!

When I was well-off, I took the view that the richer should pay for the poorer. Most people, I find, go along with that. Those who don't probably aren't worth seeing much of, anyway.

I pay tax. I understand tax

If your salary is £9k you shouldn't pay income tax.

I'm sorry but someone who thinks their salary will increase from £50k to £900k is talking out of their arse.

Yes, it might have happened for a select few but with no reputation and a penchant for moaning without any real cause, I really can't see how your BIL will earn that kind of salary.

There isn't a job where you go from 50k training to 900k.
Doesn't exist.

This entire thread is one big wind up. Firstly, £50k is a fucking huge salary in my book.DH & I can only dream of earning that combined (hopefully when I qualify!) Secondly, I do not for one minute believe your BIL will have such a massive jump in salary. Lastly, I do not believe they get tc. If they do, that is benefit fraud. Either they are bullshitters or this thread is BS.