To be pissed off at BIL's and SIL's money issues?

[DSM]

Lets's begin this with the story - this is about DP's Brother and his wife.

DP and I are both low earners (both

I think it is insensitive to moan about being poor to people you know have a lot less than you, which the OP has said they do, so YANBU.

I hope that you and your DH will soon earn more money though. You can't be working full time, right? Because your salary would be less than minimum wage if it was, wouldn't it? I know it's not that easy just suddenly to get a better paid job but I would certainly be trying to work towards that in your position. Please don't think I'm being patronising I don't mean to be!

I work full time, yes. 28 (paid) hours a week, 33 hours in total. Minimum wage, and yes I would love a better paid job, I've been applying for jobs for about 2 years but I have no qualifications so it's nigh on impossible.

Obviously this is something we want to work towards, but it's not that easy. And it doesn't make listening to people who have already achieved that any easier.

Ideally I would go into further education, but I would be looking at 2 years of college, then 4 years of uni then an entry level job. And we simply can't afford that.

I agree that he sounds as though he is going to be offered a partnership in one of the professional firms.

However if he says he will be paid £20k for 4 consults per month then that is almost certainly what the partnership will be paid by its clients rather than his personally. The partnership will then have to pay its own costs (rent, rates, salary costs of its employees, etc etc). He will get considerably less than £80k per month.

To put it into context, the partners at my firm invoice their clients an average of around £2.5m per annum, and personally earn around £600k each.

I feel for you OP. Are you giving this employer who's exploiting you 5 free hours a week? Or am I being unfair is it something like a charity or voluntary.

I wouldn't have thought you would need 6 years more education to improve on those earnings. I think you could work as an unqualified house cleaner and earn more than that.

Maybe someone on here can give you some advice?

No, I am there for 33 hours but we have to take an hour unpaid lunch every day.

People moan about stupid shit all the time, bugster. DSM, I hear ya! Reality is that it is not always possible to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and 'train'/get a better-paying job, but of course, stating this means you are defeatist and making excuses. Sure.

YANBU. Again, I wouldn't have been able to buy more wine and would have just had to answer, 'No money. Have a bottle. It will have to serve.'

Yes, actually one bottle of wine is enough for 4 people, especially if everyone is broke!

One bottle of wine isn't even 4 glasses!

It would be 4 small glasses, which is a bit shit for a dinner party.

I'd be mortified if someone came to my house for dinner and I couldn't offer them more than one small glass of wine.

Yeah, but they could in all likelihood have afforded the wine. They just wanted you to pay for it.

Agree. I don't believe that they didn't have enough money for a bottle of wine.

Actually, if they genuinely didn't have a spare £6, then they shouldn't be inviting people for dinner in the first place.

Well, quite.
Do bear in mind that sometimes when people do this they are actually softening you up for a bit of freeloading. You've heard them bang on about being short of money so many times that when they get you to subsidise them you think 'Well, they are a bit short instead of Hang on, if you want it you jolly well pay for it'.

First off, how do you know what they actually earn?

Secondly, two houses and a car on one salary of £50K sounds unfeasible, unless they inherited one? It sounds crap but it is just a fact that £50k is not what it was, regardless of how much more it is than your income.

Thirdly, people's finances are always complicated by history and circumstance and it's presumptuous to think you can judge.

Fourthly, a job which goes from 10 years' training on £50k to £900k after training? I think you have been had, or misunderstood.

And lastly, you may say you aren't bitter but you do sound extraordinarily bothered by what they have and what they will have. Is it not a bit more dignified to assume that your SIL feels she can have a bit of a moan because you are family, put it down to her being tactless or whatever, then let it go? The rest is just not your business. It sounds like they've had some luck somewhere along the way, and BIL has chosen his future career carefully and worked at it. It doesn't really reflect on you or your life at all.

A bottle is 6 glasses...ok those would be small 125 ml glasses and I appreciate you might want more than one and a half of those over the course of an evening, but if everyone really is moaning about the expense, it would suffice!

Personally that much wine would be enough for me

But we're getting off the topic!

As you say Treguez finances are complicated by history, it's perfectly possible to have those things and have a salary of £50k at the moment, I think the BIL earned a lot more in the past? You can just get windfalls/ inheritances/ returns on investments anyway

treaguez because they talk about it all the time.
And I see from the rest of your comments that you haven't read past the OP so I will leave it until you have!

bugster if I went to someone's house for dinner! and they gave me 125ml of wine to last 5 hours (that's how long we were there) then I would be mightily pissed off.

I keep adding exclamation marks instead of commas, apologies. Something to do with this new ios7 I suspect.

I have actually.
It's crass to talk about money all the time, but then it's a bit crass too to get involved in nitpicking at other people's finances because regardless of what you hear, you're unlikely to know the full story.
Just reserve a bit of pity for SIL because she's clearly not aware she's crass. And if she continues to bother you, say outright: we earn Xk because we have made different choices, for our own reasons. BUT LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT MONEY, IT'S CRASS. and hope she gets the hint.

I do not work and my Dh works earning

I wouldn't be pissed off about being given a small quantity of wine, if the hosts had cash flow problems.

I would be glad to have been invited for a meal.

I know what you mean, but we travelled over 100 miles, and paid for a night in a hotel just to come over for dinner. So I was pissed off at being asked to provide the wine for everyone.

But that's really not the issue!

Treaguez - if you've read the whole thread then your questions don't make sense? Most of them have been answered or discussed already.

Idol now the full story. I do know their history and background. These aren't friends or acquaintances, it's DP's brother.

It not about what they have. I am not bitter or jealous! It's about them rubbing that in my face with their moaning about finances when we have nothing.

You're right about one thing though - she is bloody crass.

I doesnt really matter who earns what, but when you know someone is not that well off you dont invite them to dinner and then ask them to bring the drinks for the evening. Thats Crass!

I crassed post with you there OP

Wow, that was a big effort you made to see them.

Not only should they have provided the wine, they should have put you up in their house, instead of making you stay in a hotel. Yes they are indeed crass.

They have no space for us to stay, as the children don't like sharing a room and it disrupts their morning routine if we are in the living room. Apparently.