to really hate this couple?

[Reality]

This is just a rant, really. They were in my dream last night so I've been stewing on it this morning.

I thought they were friends of ours, his wife was (I thought) my best friend but with hindsight they were just users, they used to come here for dinner and drinks almost every weekend and leave their DD here, for example, the favour was never returned.

When we were planning our wedding, they asked me if their DD could be a bridesmaid and if he could be our photographer (he isn't a professional, just a hobbyist), a few months down the line they said, oh as payment for being your photographer you can pay for our room at the hotel. I have no idea why I went along with this but I think I genuinely thought they had our best interests at heart and were doing us a favour. The room was about £250 I think, a family room for them and their DD. We also invited her parents (and paid for a meal etc) as they asked us to.

So, the wedding photos were predictably awful, we had a list of family shots we wanted and none of them happened, I have no photos of my sisters at my wedding, for example, and loads of photos of his wife and DD.

He spent a good ten minutes staging a shot that made it look like DH was snogging my mother (with the camera angle), and fucking PHOTOSHOPPED one of DH and my mum dancing to move DH's hand onto my mum's arse. These were the shots he was most proud of and plastered them all over Facebook.

We had to wait about six months for any copies of our photos, and he charged us a fortune for some framed shots, it's only now I work for a print company that I realise how much he ripped us off on those. We asked him literally every weekend for a good six months about the photos before he eventually gave us a disc with them on, and arranged the framed prints at the same time. He charged us £100 for each print, they were framed in plastic frames from Wilkos.

So as not to dripfeed, this is the man who broke into my house and assaulted me while I slept, a couple of years after the wedding. We obviously dont' see him any more and he was arrested for it although not charged. She hasn't spoken to me since and 'can't forgive me' for calling the police. She blanks me at school and Scouts although still has a cheery hello for DH.

So obviously I have that context to it. But I am fixating on the wedding stuff this morning. I am really fucking angry about it and need to have a big old AIBU rant.

They are cunts, aren't they? Or is it me?

[Naughtyculture]

This thread has made me so angry and upset on your behalf, Reality. Why do people like the couple you knew always end up smelling of roses even though they behave like utter cunts? It's sickening. I think they must be incredibly manipulative, far more manipulative than a normal, decent human being could ever be even if they tried.

We knew a couple who, although didn't seem to be quite as psycho as your ex-friends, certainly turned out to be total shits, and had been saying things about us behind our backs and generally shit stirring. The woman wormed her way into some of my friendships and gradually edged me out of them, and the man did the same to DH, taking up the same hobby as him and arranging days doing the hobby with the blokes DH normally does it with but excluding DH. Crunch came when we weren't invited to DH's close friend's wedding, and we found out after the wedding that this couple had told the groom that we had said we wouldn't go even if we were invited (this couple, of course, went to the wedding). It was almost as if they wanted to totally edge us out of our own lives. Weird!

[Naughtyculture]

Also, I agree with the poster that said it's always a good idea to look back on experiences like that and try to work out how you could prevent yourself from being used again by arseholes. I certainly found it useful to do that after mine and DH's experience.

Just things like in future not introducing new friends to all my other friends until I'm totally sure that the new friend is a totally sound person, and also that I will back off from any potential new friendships at the slightest hint of psycho-ness/nastiness.

About a year before we cottoned on to what the couple were truly like, there was a small incident where the bloke snapped nastily at me over something that I was trying to help him with. I put it down to him being stressed but looking back it was a total red flag and we should have backed out of the friendship there and then. It certainly would have saved us a lot of hassle.

[LeGavrOrf]

Reality, you bloody angel. I do t know how you cope.

Your mum and dad being chummy with them? Of fucking COUESE it's not hard for your father to stop being friendly with the fucker who assaulted his daughter. They are bloody wrong not to support you. You do know that deep down. But god knows it is hard to face up to the fact your family dynamics are screwed. I don't speak to any of my fuckers. They can get strertcjed.

And the utter cheeky fuckers about the photos.

You are RIGHT to be angry.

Btw is the photo which BOF took the one of you and your DH which looks like something out of Martha Stewart weddings? The one you posted on mumsnet when you were first married? You look beautiful in that.

Darling don't think you need to get over this, you are righteously angry. He fucking came into your house and assaulted you and somehow these cunts have made you look the bad guy.

[LeGavrOrf]

I won a scholarship to a private school as well, my school entered me for it and my gran refused to let me go, would have got above myself apparently.

That burned for years.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

I remember your thread about the assault. Gave me chills. A truly scary man.

They are proper cunts.

Hope you are ok reality

[pantsonbackwards]

What would make a man be friendly to the bloke who had assaulted his daughter?!

Did you tell him how you feel about that and why its wrong?

Maybe point out to him how that makes it all look to other people?

[claudedebussy]

there are some real weirdos in this world.

i do think you need closure on this. how you get it i really don't know.

all i can say is that you've had your share of shitters, may the rest of your life be shit-free.

[bottleofbeer]

Do you need a degree in stupidity to work for the CPS? I saw a case come to court last week and had enough reasonable doubt planted within ten minutes. I just sat there wondering how the fuck it got past the CPS. Yet when a case really should be heard they "haven't got enough evidence".

Mad.

[mistlethrush]

Yes, they both are the lowest of the low.

I'm really not surprised this is coming back to haunt you - its all mixed in together and its not the sort of thing that's easy to 'get over'.

You need to do something to help work through it - whether its writing as BoF suggested or something else, I can't advise.

What a lovely indication of what true friends are like though - BoF's pictures sound lovely.

[BellaVita]

Sweet Jesus Reality, they are utter nob wankers

[frumpet]

I am always amazed at people's ability to value staus over common human decency , because as sure as tomorrow is Tuesday , that woman knows that what you say her husband did is true . Long may she enjoy that fucked up relationship !

[Naughtyculture]

Well said, frumpet

[frumpet]

And keep talking about it , till you are blue in the face if necessary , your real friends will understand .

[Trills]

Fuckers.

That is all.

There's enough wisdom on this thread already, I can't add anything better.

[LeGavrOrf]

What would happen reality if you said to your parents 'how do you think it makes me feel that you both speak to the man who assaulted me out of some misguided English sense of politeness?'

Or is that a fuxkjng stupid question and they will shake their heads and walk out of the room hurt at the sheer effrontery of the fact you have raised the uncomfortable aubject again. Because it was probably all a misunderstanding and you overreacted? And do t speak to me like that. And all those lovely chestnuts.

[frumpet]

I like the idea of having a recreation of your wedding day so you can get nice pictures that are not tainted , what a lovely thing that would be to plan . Also i would make sure that as many people as you can , realise the reason you are doing it is because Mr deviant scout leader is actually totally shit at his prefered hobby , because i bet that will hurt him and his twisted ego a hell of a lot more than you ringing the police ever did .

[frumpet]

You can always get someone to photoshop your parents into a few photos if required

[cjel]

is it possible to get some more photos done? the bigger fuss the better.I also think you need to call your parents on this and not keep quiet all the time. He has more to be afraid of than youxx

[swampytiggaa]

Just read this pretty horror struck! So glad you have some lovely friends x

regarding scouts - might be worth reporting this centrally. I am a beaver scout leader and there are lots of ways to report suspicions. There will be an area leader who you could email or if not the safeguarding department might be worth getting in touch with.

Try the scouting website x or if you want a more direct approach i am seeing our district commissioner tomorrow and can ask her advice.

Thinking of you x

[propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS]

My my days. These people put the C in Cunts. Awful behaviour on their part.

[LeGavrOrf]

Anyway, if you think it is worth it please do have this conversation with your parents. I know how terribly difficult it is. I had The Conversation with my mother in 2008, we haven't spoken since. And then I wrote her a letter, which I regret posting (it wasn't rude or spiteful, I just wish I hadn't told her how upset and lost I was).

Oh anyway I don't know what I am rambling on about as this has no relevance, but what happened to you was awful, and people's reactions should be like that of your husband - protective and supportive of you. It must crucify you that your parents have whitewashed the whole affair and still bloody SPEAK to them. You should be their number one concern. What do they think of it, 'oh it was only a drunken fumble, Cedric didn't know what he was doing, calling the police was Reality just getting arsey'

I know I am projecting my own crrap family experiences, I'm sorry. I just wish that they supported you. I can't think what goes through their head that they won't.

I remember that thread and how deeply distressed and confused you were by it, and we were all horrified on your behalf.

I don't know whether it would be easier for you to just try and accept that they won't change, that these are the parents that you have and you just have to find a way to accept it and learn how to manage your reaction to them, or confront them (which is what I did and every bridge was burned. Not that I ever regret it mind, not now anyway).

I agree with posters wiser than me that some degree of therapy I think would be really useful.

Anyway I hope you're all right, you lovely bugger.

[Reality]

Oh thank you all again for you wonderful posts. I'm really a bit overwhelmed by all of this.

LeGav, how are you? I saw your thread yesterday but coudln't reply as I was at work.

My parents have been great, honestly, I think I've misrepresented them a bit. They went to a weddingr ecently where they were sat at the same table as cunty couple. My Mum blanked them, my Dad didn't, and my Mum didn't speak to my Dad for a week.

My Dad is very involved in Scouts, and without going into too much detail, them and their families are very high up in Scouting. In an ideal world my Dad would make the choice between me and Scouts, but he is a very mild man and so he has taken the easy route which is to maintain a polite relationship, for the most part (he was chummy at the wedding though after a drink which pissed my mum off).

My Mum is great in her own way. She supported me 100% in going to the police. I'm not sure how supportive she woudl be now if I told her I wasn't coping more than a year after the event, I think she would very much expect me to be over it by now.

I am making a gp appt to ask for some counselling, I'll happily pay for it if it's not available on the NHS. I do feel a bit broken headed at the moment.

[Tabby1963]

Reality you and your family have been through a terrible ordeal with this couple and no wonder you are dwelling on it, what with having to see them regularly and having to act normally.

I think you've have a fab bit of counselling courtesy of your mn friends :). It sometimes helps enormously just to vent to sympathetic audience in a safe place, helps to get things in perspective, get support, advice, just other posters telling their stories means you don't feel so alone because others 'get it'.

Those two are toxic, miserable, damaged people. Their past will catch up with them, hopefully in spectacular style, because you can be sure that they have another family in their sights to abuse and use.