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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to really hate this couple?

187 replies

Reality · 05/10/2013 09:54

This is just a rant, really. They were in my dream last night so I've been stewing on it this morning.

I thought they were friends of ours, his wife was (I thought) my best friend but with hindsight they were just users, they used to come here for dinner and drinks almost every weekend and leave their DD here, for example, the favour was never returned.

When we were planning our wedding, they asked me if their DD could be a bridesmaid and if he could be our photographer (he isn't a professional, just a hobbyist), a few months down the line they said, oh as payment for being your photographer you can pay for our room at the hotel. I have no idea why I went along with this but I think I genuinely thought they had our best interests at heart and were doing us a favour. The room was about £250 I think, a family room for them and their DD. We also invited her parents (and paid for a meal etc) as they asked us to.

So, the wedding photos were predictably awful, we had a list of family shots we wanted and none of them happened, I have no photos of my sisters at my wedding, for example, and loads of photos of his wife and DD.

He spent a good ten minutes staging a shot that made it look like DH was snogging my mother (with the camera angle), and fucking PHOTOSHOPPED one of DH and my mum dancing to move DH's hand onto my mum's arse. These were the shots he was most proud of and plastered them all over Facebook.

We had to wait about six months for any copies of our photos, and he charged us a fortune for some framed shots, it's only now I work for a print company that I realise how much he ripped us off on those. We asked him literally every weekend for a good six months about the photos before he eventually gave us a disc with them on, and arranged the framed prints at the same time. He charged us £100 for each print, they were framed in plastic frames from Wilkos.

So as not to dripfeed, this is the man who broke into my house and assaulted me while I slept, a couple of years after the wedding. We obviously dont' see him any more and he was arrested for it although not charged. She hasn't spoken to me since and 'can't forgive me' for calling the police. She blanks me at school and Scouts although still has a cheery hello for DH.

So obviously I have that context to it. But I am fixating on the wedding stuff this morning. I am really fucking angry about it and need to have a big old AIBU rant.

They are cunts, aren't they? Or is it me?

OP posts:

Hullygully · 05/10/2013 18:06

Fuck it

I'll kill them

where do they live?

ChasedByBees · 05/10/2013 18:07

Utter, utter fuckers. I remember your thread about him entering your house. Sorry to hear his sorry ass wasn't thrown into jail.

ExcuseTypos · 05/10/2013 18:08

for you. What a couple of cunty bastards.

I agree that you should go and talk to a therapist about it all. His actions have caused you a lot of heartache, its no wonder you're still thinking about it.

greenhill · 05/10/2013 18:14

I remember your assault thread, I was so angry on your behalf. It's such a shame that when it's one persons word against another it can't be taken further; but well done to that PC for believing you and trying to reopen the case against him. At least it means that there is a record of the assault, so if/when that vile man chances his luck again, there will be something on file. Think of it as something positive for the future.

I hate that it's tainted your wedding day photos too. At least you have genuine friends that stepped in and made something good from the botched job.

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat · 05/10/2013 18:37

Oh Reality I remember your thread from a while back. What a vile bastard. I wish the worst things to come his way. They sound like leeches to me, just be glad you had them surgically removed.

I definitely think that some counselling could be of some use. If nothing else, it's good to talk to someone who is not immediately involved and has a personal opinion on it, about it. I have had counselling before and was silly enough not to mention everything that happened with my ex partner.

I still have bad dreams about him too, so know how horrible dreams about people from the past can be.

Just think about how unhappy they must be deep down to do that to others. They may act like they trust each other but they don't. He doesn't want her, she doesn't believe in him so at the end of the day, they may put a smiley face on but I bet in their house fights happen quite regularly.

I just feel sorry for their daughter [plus yourself and your DH, of course].

So glad your family and friends are willing to stick up for you. It means the world to be stuck up for.

[Hugs]

Original poster

Reality · 05/10/2013 19:09

Thank you all so much for your lovely posts on this thread, it has helped immeasurably today.

Nest of vipers, indeed!

OP posts:

pootlebug · 05/10/2013 19:17

Bit late to the party but just wanted to confirm that they are indeed cunts. And I say this as someone who very seldom uses the C word, but in this case it is definitely the right word.

jonicomelately · 05/10/2013 19:19

The sense of justice never have been done must be agony to live with. You know how despicable these people are but seeing them carrying on as normal while you suffer must frustrate you so much.
I think you really need to investigate the possibility of counselling.
I wish I knew who they are so I could glare at them

mimitwo · 05/10/2013 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Reality · 05/10/2013 19:58

Oh hello! I'll pm you.

OP posts:

cjel · 05/10/2013 20:10

reality, thank goodness you know it is them not you and you have lovely Dh now. I'm not mad either and training to be a counsellor or do we have to be mad to do it - i'm not sure!!
I definitely go and have a chat with someone then you will get it all out for the final time and waste no more of your life on them!!

jonicomelately · 05/10/2013 20:12

To be honest Reality I think there may be more to be done here. I wouldn't want to give anyone false hope but so many sex offences are one oerson's word against another.
What did the Police say to you about the reasons for them not persuing the matter? Did they get advice from the CPS? Are you aware there are ways of appealing their decision?

Original poster

Reality · 05/10/2013 20:28

I think it was the cps that wouldn't pursue it, I'm not sure.

The police came back a few months after it all happened to take another statement and reopen it all, he was quite vague about the reasons why but I did get the impression they had something else on him, if that makes sense. It all went quiet again though.

OP posts:

RoomForASmallOne · 05/10/2013 20:29

I remember him assaulting you Reality
Your thread horrified me, well he horrified me.

I have a loosely similar situation that crops up every now and then and the fury at how powerless I am over it, is awful.
I won't express this properly but my feeling is.... Jesus, you got away with it (you cunts, in my situation and yours) so WHY on earth would you not feel lucky and keep your fucking heads down??

Some people are disgusting

The fact you are dreaming about them is a good sign, I'd say.
Like PPs have said...your brain is ready to trawl through it all.

jonicomelately · 05/10/2013 20:31

I'll PM you.

Hissy · 05/10/2013 20:46

Reality, you are thé author of the most famous thread on here. I myself have bumped the "Right, Listen Up Everybody' thread on occasion.

That thread is such a powerful message, reminding so many about how important we are, and how we're worth fighting for.

You love, are worth all that and more.

I would say that you ought to consider some therapy, you have been through so much, in your life, and in these hideous events you've described.

Your pain and suffering started way earlier than this though, and without examining it, and seeing it for what it is; the crappy actions and choices of others and most definitely NOT your fault, it's going to always lurk in thé background.

The dreams are your body crying out for you to deal with this. It's time.

You know you have lots of people that love you in RL, and you know you have lots of us that love you in MN.

How can you possibly fail to beat this? :)

AlistairSim · 05/10/2013 20:47

Injustice really boils my piss.

What a pair of cuntwhackers.

I'll help Hully.

facedontfit · 05/10/2013 20:49

We had a cunt couple in our lives who we thought were our friends.

I believe in karma. Reality have these x

Original poster

Reality · 05/10/2013 20:55

You lot are so lovely.

Thank you all so much.

OP posts:

mimitwo · 05/10/2013 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissDD1971 · 05/10/2013 21:01

so sorry you've had to deal with this.

my mum was assaulted by her friend's DH many years ago who perforated her ear drum. drunken behaviour of course and he apologised but she still has trouble hearing. they persuaded her not to call police.

glad you called police and sorry you couldn't make it stick. what complete and utter tossers.

MissDD1971 · 05/10/2013 21:01

and I believe in karma too and .

cjel · 05/10/2013 21:12

is there enough for everyone?

thecatfromjapan · 05/10/2013 21:44

How horrible, in so many ways

That "Listen Up" thread is inspirational. I do wish I could give something to you in the way that thread gave something to me.

I'm not surprised you're going over all of this, one little piece at a time: there is so much, and it is genuinely awful. Coming to terms with the betrayal of trust - and how long that went on for, and finding the strength, and then the words, to think again about a frightening and disturbing sexual assault - it will be hard.

It's horrible that there has been no public justice.

You are an amazingly worked-out person but this is unusually hard (I think). As a woman, I am disturbed, appalled, and angry. As someone who feels care, affection, and respect for you (you've given quite a lot to people like me on here) I am really sad - and angry.

I'm very glad that the good things in your life are outweighing the bad. I hopw those good things keep coming for you.

DameFellatioNelson · 07/10/2013 08:42

My wonderful friends, BoF and her DP, took some amazing photos, and BoF's DP (he is an artist) painted one of them for us, it's beautiful. I was so utterly blown away by that. He did it because he knew our photos were tainted.

Isn't that lovely? They are like the polar opposite to cunty couple, I adore them.

That is indeed lovely. A very special thing to do for a friend.

It's a mystery why some of us get swept along in the thrall of manipulative users and tossers, convincing ourselves that they are nice really, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. It's a about a need to be liked I think, and if they seem to really like us then we ignore our inner alarm bells and think we should be grateful for the attention. Sometimes it takes something big to happen before we can have that lightbulb moment and step back and see them for what they are.

I tend to put myself last.

Well there will be lots of us who can identify with that. We are programmed to please everyone else at the expense of ourselves, not make demands of others, not to be too high maintenance, but if you live by that mantra too much, for too long, eventually your brain explodes and everyone looks at you, this apparently well-balanced, easy going coper, and goes 'Huh? What the matter with her then?

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