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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be outraged by children's centre

263 replies

quertas · 04/10/2013 20:25

I've just received a letter from my local children's centre congratulating me in the birth of my baby (well he was born 3 months ago so thanks but the moment for congrats has rather passed) and stating that 'an appointment has been made' for next tues (letter arrived today) for someone to come and visit me at home to tell me about the services at the children's centre. Aibu to see this as a bloody liberty and to wonder where the actual fuck this person gets off inviting herself into my home?

OP posts:

NiceTabard · 05/10/2013 21:52

FGS she can't leave the house by herself, she is ill, why on earth would you say something like that???

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/10/2013 21:53

My psych has offered to write a letter to stick on my front door for all unannounced visitors - along the lines of highly dangerous mental patient within do not enter until restraints in place - he is quite funny for a doctor bless him!

Thank you NICE, Yes I was honestly enraged about the inference of Domestic Abuse - my DH works himself into the ground looking after me, full time job, all kids appointments and social life etc.. though I understand it - I was still pissed off - You are right, balance is the key!

NiceTabard · 05/10/2013 21:55

YY I know what you mean. Sounds like we have similar DH

PeppiNephrine · 05/10/2013 21:56

Sounds like you need a visit from someone, anyway.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/10/2013 21:58

Who is that directed at Peppi?

BoffinMum · 05/10/2013 22:00

so they fuck off and stop trying to visit?

PeppiNephrine · 05/10/2013 22:03

OP.

NiceTabard · 05/10/2013 22:05

Boffinmum you are seriously saying that, in your position with children's centre management?

That if someone with mental health problems, and 3 children and a Dh with a job, doesn't want people from the CC ignoring her DH's phone calls, turning up un-announced, hassling her etc, she and her family should leave the country, while she is expecting a baby, and is under the care of professionals in the UK for both her pregnancy and mental health?

Is this attitude common in the children's centre world?

Seriously, just WTF?

hettienne · 05/10/2013 22:07

Tell them she's leaving the country, not actually move abroad.

southeastastra · 05/10/2013 22:08

children's centres were always a bit of a white elephant ime, taking away much needed resourced local authorities already ran

my own job was cut (5-12s in local authority) and i do find it short sighted that so much was changed to enable these places to exist

i am struggling to keep running my service (on a very much smaller scale) as I really do see the worth in it. people do not want intrusive meetings when they haven't asked for it.

money was concentrated on the under 5s and the older kids are just left to schools to sort out.

Ilovemyself · 05/10/2013 22:09

Is it ironic that on a website "by parents for parents" that people are "outraged" by the fact that an agency designed to help them as parents is doing their job.

As I said earlier, professional outrage is all the rage these days ........

NiceTabard · 05/10/2013 22:13

That's not what was said.

Anyway, even if it was. She can't talk to them herself anyway and they wouldn't listen to her DH. Also surely a person who was not "engaging" and then wouldn't talk on the phone and then had someone else phone up and saying they were leaving the country would trigger intervention? Given that they have already voiced concerns of domestic abuse.

So really poor advice. If she wants them to leave her alone, then lying to them is probably not the best way to go about it.

Also question the appropriateness of giving bizarre advice to someone with MHPs about something that hopefully won't prove to be a problem this time around.

southeastastra · 05/10/2013 22:15

it's an interesting thread to me

outraged is just a descriptive word op used, probably in the heat of the moment, like people posting on here to complain about the perdantics

also for the record calling people 'unhinged' is surely a personal attack ?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/10/2013 22:15

Why should I have to tell anyone I have moved countries! I never asked them to come in the first place!

TBH this woman turned up at my house with a file on my health, details of the services i am under - cpn & psych teams etc, new I owned my home, that I was married, the way my DC were born, that I had PND with my first, that i was a student, everything - I think they could find out if I had moved the country a week after giving birth!

NiceTabard · 05/10/2013 22:15

Babydubs can you ask the midwife / your consultant to contact the CC and get a note next to you saying no contact, is under care of X consultant at X hospital, does not need CC assistance or advice?

That might prevent a repeat this time around. your consultant sounds helpful so would probably be happy to do that.

Ilovemyself · 05/10/2013 22:20

Nicetabard. You beat me to it. OP. Why the outrage when they are only there to help.

Having a partner call could set off alarm bells - abuse by the partner is one. If you really are struggling I an sure your Dr or consultant would ask them to stop contact.

I understand your particular situation, but why should many many others miss out because of your one case. Especially when the simple answer is to speak to the person whose care you are under.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/10/2013 22:20

Thanks Nice, I will be doing just that this time round. It is unnerving though - I know I am ill... I know not engaging with services is seen as a bad thing - I cant help but transfer that to other things. I never lie about anything - I see no reason to, I am a great mom imo there are no, and never have been any concerns there. But that's not how they made me feel. For someone in my position its actually a bit scary to tell people connected with children that I am not interested.. I hope that makes sense?

I had the HV popping in unannounced last week as I don't take my toddler to baby clinic, he has been for all his jabs but with his dad - which is odd apparently - who knew Dads were such an alien species eh!

NiceTabard · 05/10/2013 22:25

I don't lie either if someone asks me a question I tell them the answer. Just how I am. Yes it is scary telling people that as it can easily be taken the "wrong way". You have some HCPs on "your side" though so hopefully if they wield a little weight it will take that pressure off your family. The CC ought to "listen" to the hosp consultant as he is kind of a "higher power" IYKWIM.

Our children when young had dad take them to many appts for jabs and I rarely got them weighed etc. Surely it can't be that unusual.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/10/2013 22:26

Ilove - as I said, I wa spissed off with their visit, but understood it, I was pissed off with their incorrect conclusions regarding my DH, but I understood it.

What I don't understand is why this woman came to my house with a file full of my medical info - telling her all about my bipolar, etc and didn't bother to think perhaps if I am going to see this woman to offer help I should know a little about this illness? I should take someone who knows about the illness? I should at least not cast disparaging remarks about the womans ineptitude to take her children to a massage class or about her DH abusing her before I have confirmed that actually social phobia is quite fuckin common for bipolar patients! If they want to target people like me - and as I said I understand that they would - then they need to consider to the people they will be engaging with and whether they are actually able to do so on a professional level - my experience says that they are not!

NiceTabard · 05/10/2013 22:26

Way too many "" in that post

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/10/2013 22:27

I am sorry you have been through the same Nice, but glad you also have a supportive DH to make everything easier :) We are lucky :)

Ilovemyself · 05/10/2013 22:29

Babydubs. Sorry if I have missed something in a previous post but do you not feel you could be missing out on something that is available to help you by not engaging with them?

As you are already under the care of others that must put you in a stronger position as you already have those that know you inside out on your side.

NiceTabard · 05/10/2013 22:38

Thanks babydubs, yes we are very lucky
I am not perfect but working full time now and those months when I was so ill feel a long way away. I hope that you recover / improve find a treatment that assists you. I am pleased that you have such a good consultant, that is very valuable.

Balance, isn't it. What is right for one person is not right for another. And lots of women with young children have mental health issues. It should be recognised that of those who are under care, maybe aggressive marketing of CC services is inappropriate.

NiceTabard · 05/10/2013 22:39

months when I was so ill - erm that should read years! Whoops.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/10/2013 22:43

Well my social phobia is quite extreme and related mainly to my children - I have never taken them anywhere without my DH - though I can now do the school run without passing out/being sick - that's what happened twice a day for the first year my DS was at school - the school is 2 mins walk from my house. My Dh takes time off for appointments they needs etc - taking Wednesday mornings off for baby massage seemed a little extreme

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