To be outraged by children's centre

[quertas]

I've just received a letter from my local children's centre congratulating me in the birth of my baby (well he was born 3 months ago so thanks but the moment for congrats has rather passed) and stating that 'an appointment has been made' for next tues (letter arrived today) for someone to come and visit me at home to tell me about the services at the children's centre. Aibu to see this as a bloody liberty and to wonder where the actual fuck this person gets off inviting herself into my home?

Sorry - that was to Ilove.

I though months was getting off lightly ;)

I am much better than I was, constant improvement even if slow :)

Are you me???

Mine relates to being out with the children as well. I was terrified that they were going to be hurt. by myself was no problem. So I was having panic attacks taking DD1 to nursery with DD2 as a baby - 10 mins walk up the road, but merrily skipped off to an exam in central london in a place I'd never been before and felt really comfortable and fine.

We are getting way off topic here! It's nice to "meet" you though

Nicetabard. How would you advocate as a suitable approach. For many the booking of a home visit is the best solution.

But people do not want their medical records passé to non medical people. Should it just be a simple do not contact with no reason from the local HA?

This is getting a bit freaky - perhaps I have developed a personality disorder and I am you as well as me... or you are me and I don't exist!

I travel 2 hours on public transport on my own each way to uni every day - not a hitch - I still feel sick and get black spots if I have to pick them up from afterschool club (apparently my brain doesn't recognise that this is still just picking them up from school ffs!)

Yes, very nice to meet you too!

Sorry for the total highjack OP!

I don't want to pry but If it started when you were pg / just had children, I can tell you that mine has subsided as they have got older. The little one has just started primary school, and I have the "thoughts" infrequently now. I can walk them to school no probs. So maybe when you complete your family and they are all a bit older it will retreat a bit.

Having said that other factors have changed - I am getting more sleep as they are bigger and lack of sleep seems to really affect me. Also I am working full time so actually I am doing a lot less of the having to take them places stuff which has helped. I know that I do less with them - by a long way - in terms of taking them out by myself - than my friends do with theirs - and that I am still quite abnormal in that respect. Still. They are happy, and it works for us, so fine, I say

Baby dubs. Thanks for sharing that. I think I missed some of your points earlier. Apologies if some of my comments were a little harsh earlier. I understand as someone whose partner has been under the care of the local MH team before she was pregnant but also as someone that has always had a positive experience of cc's hence my support of the fantastic work I have seen from them.

I hope you find the answers and support you deserve.

Wow that is odd babydubs.

Maybe this is a common thing?

I think it's fair to say that motherhood has not suited me

I never had any probs working apart from when I was pg. It was when I was with the kids that I lost the plot. My best guess is it's like protectiveness gone wrong.

Did you have a MH diagnosis / problems before you got pg with your 1st child?

Mine started just after my first was born, he is now 6.. I must be a slow learner

I should say that periodically I do test my self with the DC - Dh and I go out together with them, he gets less hands on so I take more of an active roll - but too much and I black out and wander off on auto pilot, walk into people, walls, in front of traffic... I cant trust myself to not leave them somewhere, so I cant risk it solo until they are older.
I am getting better, its a slow process. We make it work.

DH suffers more than anyone and I hate that, but he seems to not mind at all bless him.

You don't have to say obv!

Just that I didn't and we sound very similar.

xposts

Sounds like yours is very similar to mine. With me they said it sounded due to pg hormones kicking it off.

Bothers me that you have been diagnosed bipolar when maybe there is a "pregnancy small children bonkers" diagnosis which would be more appropriate? I couldn't leave the house without DH for ages either. Hopefully when your children are bigger it will taper off as well. I can now do stuff - although tend to choose not to

sorry, cross post!

I actually know quite a few people like it, anxiousness when out and about with the DC but total earth mother at home! varying levels - some more snappy than they would be at home - some so overwhelmed they can barely engage - that used to be me, I have come a long way from leaving my new born in Boots! (thank god DH was about!)

I come from a long line of nutters unfortunately, of varying degrees, but mine was quite hidden, even from myself until I fell pregnant and my 'live to excess' lifestyle stopped - being a raving club bunny was quite good at covering up the excessive highs and lows of bipolar in retrospect.

One of my consultants is conducting research about the spike in hormone levels in pregnancy setting off certain types of mental illness that are semi dormant in women... bipolar is one of those.

Cross again

2 thirds of my family have been diagnosed with bipolar - independently of each other... as in without prior knowledge of it existing in the family.

I am starting to wonder if I really have set up an account called NiceTabard...

Hmm
Live to excess... Sounds familiar!

I didn't go nuts until I got pregnant though. I don't think they understand all of the brain stuff / hormones and what-have-you.

Very pleased to hear that there are studies being done into what the massive hormonal changes do / can do to the brain in pregnancy/birth/post-natal.

Aha it's OK.

You're not me.

Me family are all very sensible.

Well apart from the ones who aren't.

Mine who aren't tend to be alcoholics with a tendency towards Jesus sandals.

That's not the same surely

no, not the same!
Perhaps that's why I am a slow learner for recovery then - too much mental in my family!

Its his personal research at the moment - I find it fascinating, we have built up a good relationship over the years so we do get chatting about things. Very clever man, and has a sense of humour too - unusual for psych docs!

You say you are a "slow learner for recovery".

That sounds like a kind of a thing, I've not heard that phrase before. I'm not keen on it! Recovery can be slow, and stall, and go backwards. As well as forwards. That's all fine surely. Just how it is. You are who you are, you react how you do. It's not like having a broken leg or something (6 weeks generally).

You know how you are and what triggers you and what doesn't. You are getting help. Your children are well looked after clean and happy. You are doing a great job. Going outside is over-rated as a goal when it causes more harm than good. IMO.

Am so pleased you have a nice doc. I think with baby/mother situations the MH services are pretty good. I was treated really well by MH types. They gave me choices and treated me as an adult person which was good. They were much better than others eg midwife etc

Yes definitely relate to that - midwives looked scared sometimes, annoyed other times. My psych consultant actually came to the ward to get me a private room last time round as I was stressing out so much. He's great! Midwives didn't like that though - stepping on toes I think!
I will do it again if necessary though

One of the children centers here went for an appointment approach - though I had to go there otherwise I wouldn't be told what services they had.

Went - there was nothing I could go to. Well technically I could go to one thing if I had outside childcare for the other DC which I didn't. I also couldn't access the bf advice service they had for similar reason.

They did make me fill in forms before telling me this so I assume we were counted for something without being able to access anything.

The other children centers went for leaflet approach - could tell you their service via phone, leaflets or e-mail inquiries or their websites or eventually the HV and MW knowing and directing parents there.

Ilovemyself

Chipping. You really are in need of sleep and coffee Yes, no arguements there, precisely why I wrote it :)

And you are down right rude and wrong to talk About staff at children's centres in the way you have Really? What have I said that makes me 'rude' and what 'way' have I spoken about them that has offended you? Exactly?

Non medical doesn't mean that they are not trained in how to deal with the issues they face They don't 'face' any issue if I have a still birth or miscarriage. Medical records are 'medical' private & personal. I don't care what training the staff at a CC have, I do not want them told about any miscarriages or still births, that is MY personal information to share with people I choose.

They are under paid, poorly funded, and have to put up with arseholes like you spouting nonsense Charming content aside, the fact that they are (or aren't!?) underpaid is not at all relevant to this conversation. If they are 'poor funded' they should use that money wisely. Making 'appointments' that people haven't asked for and don't want is a waste of money so I'm failing to see what your point is.

You just bury your head in the sand about what happens on a regular basis. Or are you just one of those who doesn't care because you know better than everyone else I don't bury my head in the sand. I and other posters have merely pointed out the fact that CC making to go to peoples homes without consulting them is intrusive and unwanted. We also disagree that this is in any way a solution to the problem of children being neglected and murdered by their parents.

If anyone would like to know what information hospitals pass on to other health professionals at Children's Centres or anyone else as part of the patient pathway, after your baby is born, I believe they can make an application under the freedom of information act to find out. I'm guessing you can ask for your own personal records as well.

Chipping. It seems from my experience that the appointments are unwanted by a (vocal) minority.

As I said previously most of the people I know would have been far happier for them to make a non compulsory appointment than having to find out where the local children's centre is and then booking themselves.

And sorry, but if a person from a cc sees something concerning during a home visit they will pass it to the correct person to deal with. It's not their reason for being there but they would still pass it on. It is not a solution but it certainly does help.

You obviously have a chip on your shoulder about them when their sole purpose is to assist parents. Perhaps you feel you don't need their help ( or you possibly feel you are above it - that's just a guess though) but many people gain access to many fantastic groups and services because of them. Just because YOU don't want their help,why should others be denied the easy way they get to find out about them.

No, Tabard.

I said this telling them she was overseas for a bit might stop unwanted callers from services she doesn't want to use and who have invited themselves around and are pestering.

I did not suggest her travelling overseas. FFS.

Food for thought...It's not just CC workers and HV who can report you to SS after visiting your home.

I overheard a phone conversation the other day. A housing association builder (working on my neighbours flat) Was on the phone to his boss about a situation he'd witnessed at another property. Young teenager looking after younger siblings during school hours. No adult in the property when the builder came. I guess HA builders get safeguarding training too.

Well said MrsDevere. I do disagree on the letters- I think they are great. But otherwise I agree