For followers of the swimsuit stealing MIL...

[fairy1303]

I have worked so hard to get things back on track - to be pleasant but firm.
Things have got better. She has been here a couple of times as a guest only and has not been upstairs.

She invited herself to slimming world.
She has been told by doc to slim as she is borderline diabetic.

We got there - she was incensed that the leader could not put her in touch with a diabetic expert. Literally fuming.
Leader offered to put her in touch with another member following SW diabetics plan.

MIL fuming, been told bad advice etc etc.
I said 'if you can't follow this diet, there is no point you paying, it would be a waste of your money' MIL stews some more.

'No, I don't think i will follow it'

I had to speak to the leader anyway so I told MIL not to worry, I'll have a quick word with Leader and explain that plan is not for MIl.

We leave.

MIL tells me that nobody is fucking taking her fucking seriously and this is a massive life change - I say that I understand how serious it is and am trying to be supportive but no point paying for sw if she can't follow it (doc Han told her to avoid carbs, not eat too much fruit, etc).

I tell her there's no need to get upset, it's not an issue, we will find another way, and anyway, she is doing well on own.

To this I get told I'm an interfering bitch, why do I have to always get involved?!

I tell her to calm down.

I get told she 'always puts up with my moods (being told not to steal my children's clothes), bites her tongue, I'm a rude bitch and a horrible horrible person.' She then kicks me out of her car and tries to drive off with the baby in it. I have to chase after car (massive scene outside sainsburys) and get baby and stuff out.

I was so upset I was nearly sick.

I've just walked the hour home in the rain.

I don't know what to do. DH wants to speak to her but I don't want to exacerbate the situation but honestly I don't even want to see her again - big rows and scenes like that are just not me.

So WIBU to cut her out now for good and just let DH take children round to see her?

DH does not want DSD to miss swimming - he is leaving work early to take her himself and has spoken to FIL (MIL gone out as too upset to be at home) and said any smiley words at all and she will have to leave.

That sounds like a good plan for tonight.

Longer term I have a look out for other things your DSD might like to try instead of swimming. It can't hurt to through a few alternative suggestions out there.

I don't believe she actually has diabetes. I reckon she's been told to lose weight as she could be heading towards diabetes.

I would also tell her 'if you drive off with my baby again, I WILL call the police'.

p.s. well done by the way, but don't let it become all about the swimming and conveniently (for her) brushing aside the kidnapping of an infant.

Actually, that's a great solution, as she has to recognise DSD's own father's authority, and any discussions about "D"GM's "not being herself" are better begun by him, anyway; it had just appeared you were going to have to say something first, due to the timing of swimming before he was due home from work.

Yy I think DH should also tell FIL how concerning her erratic and dangerous behaviour is, making sure he knows about the driving off incident.

BTW, I had no idea diabetes had such wide-ranging and horrible effects! "MN Academy," indeed!

yy to what mamaslatts said.

swimming hysterics overshadowed by driving. off leaving you sobbing by roadside.
how on earth does your dh feel about that.

She's not been told she is diabetic

She is not diabetic then and really wouldn't be expecting changes in her behavior linked to blood sugar levels yet.

At minute her bodies not as good as glucose regulation as it should/could be - and if she doesn't change diet lose weight she'll tip over into diabetes and have to go one a more restrictive diet and take tablets. At that point DVLA need to be informed - I think.

Basically she been given a warning a frequent one associated with ageing - when glucose control gets poorer anyway and excess weight exacerbates it. It's not an uncommon warning.

If she loses weight she'll put of developing diabetes till later - which means she'd have it less time and thus be at less risk of developing the longer term complications.

Good grief this woman is unhinged. Poor DSD too, she's going to be used as a pawn by MIL in all this for her whole childhood.

OP, you are doing so well and you must now disengage: ignore, ignore, ignore.

Rant here if you need to.

I reckon she's been told to lose weight as she could be heading towards diabetes.

I could see that as well - age and weight increase risk of diabetes doesn't mean a particular person will develop it.

I also don't get why she would need to see anyone special at SS - it's not till you have to monitor blood glucose levels daily when you actually have diabetes that you'd need to be very careful with dieting. Otherwise it's lose weight and reduce one risk factor.

It sounds like more drama.

Yeah, I'm with YoutheCat, she'll have been told to alter her diet and lose weight or she could become a diabetic.

I'm glad you DH has had words with his dad, but I'd be worried that MIL is to upset to be at home. Most people want to be at home when upset. Do you think FIL has had words with her? or is it possible she is determined to pick dsd up from school and has already headed out there?

www.gov.uk/diabetes-driving

Type II diabetes is usually diet controlled or diet and tablet controlled - though it can be so bad as with my relative that it cans then lead to needing insulin injections.

I don't think the restrictions it places on licenses actually affect many people - and I think the GP wanting stable blood sugar are being cautious.

She probably has prediabetes, which just means poor glucose control that could lead to diabetes if unchecked, but even then she would be several stages away from needing medication or these type of mood swings. This is not a big deal, she needs to lose weight (and it doesn't matter too much how she does it except not high carbs/sugars, but normal eating would probably do it).

For your info - my mum developed type 2 diabetes in her mid 70's. She is now 80 (sorry Mum for giving your age away on the internet ). Her diabetes is controlled by her diet and even when her blood sugars were dangerously high, she wasn't spouting the type of stuff that your MIL is going on with.

I wouldn't think that the diabetes has any correlation with her current behaviour to be honest. I think she is making an excuse of her behaviour by putting the blame on her health. Perhaps if she wasn't such an angry woman, the stress of all that pent up aggression would diminish and her health would improve - just a thought.

I'm sure you heaved a huge sigh of relief when you were able to sort out the school & who could collect your DSD.

You're doing brilliantly by the way! Keep going!!!

Hopefully MIL has not gone out and the 'drops by' school to pick up DSD when school finishes.

well done for finally standing your ground with her!

Do not, under any circumstances, back down now, and do not let her try to do it through your DH, be equally firm with him too.

Medical issues or no, the sheer fact alone of her attempting to drive off in a rage with your baby in the car is enough for limited contact, if any at all.

You are absolutely right, don't let her try to railroad you or your DH into getting sucked into any more of her awful, awful behaviour.

Oh, good point wheredid, and hopefully she will be escorted of site and told she has no business being there!

(NB Rhetorical question alert. Please don't feel you need to answer this !)

Do I remember rightly that MIL was primary carer for DSD for a few years and now you and dh are? I wonder how you feel the attachment and bonding is going between you and dsd?

I ask because when children are formally moved from the primary care of one person to another e.g. if they are moved from a foster carer to adoption by a new family, it is generally recognised as best practice to severely reduce or stop face to face contact altogether with the previous carer for a period of time in order to enable them to attach and develop a bond with their new carer. (Obviously the length of time depends on the dc, their age, understanding, needs etc). It is vital that the dc is allowed to transfer their attachment and primary bond or they'll have intense confusion and potentially be more disturbed ( Who really is my main carer ? Am I going to go back with her? Am I being disloyal to X if I rely on Y? If she can leave me here have I done something wrong?) . Although this reducing of conatct can be painful and traumatic for all concerned (especially the dc of course) if the previous carer is still popping in and out of their life it can stir up more feelings of loss, abandonment, confusion.

I know in a family situation it's different and I'm not wanting to question your bond with dsd. I'm just trying to point out that full ongoing contact with MIL the previous carer is not always in a dc's best interests. However much DSD loves her grandma it needs to be you she calls out to in the night, you she turns to if she's scared or hurt and you that feeds, bathes and clothes her.

If you do decide to reduce dsd's contact with MIL you are not necessarily doing a bad thing to dsd and sorry, but MILs feelings here are of zero import.

Betty - that is an interesting viewpoint, it wasn't quite as clear cut as living with them then living with us but she did spend a lot of time with them, (DH lived there too, he just worked ) I had always been keen to keep up contact for both of them because of this, now wondering if I should have done the opposite?

Fairy have you spoken to your DH yet? I would recommend that you call him now even though he is at work. He needs to hear what happened today and how you handled it before your MIL gets a chance to gaslight you to him expressing her concern about you being "unhinged".

Get him onside.

Well done for dealing with her that was a disgusting thing to kick you out of the car an hour from home and then try to drive off with your child.

I had another cunning thought, depending on how passive aggressive you want to be: she says she didn't say those awful things to you, so call her memory into question - suggest you're concerned that she might be getting Alzheimer's if she can't remember what happened only a few hours previously, and maybe she should ask her doc about tests for it...

Jobs had long discussion with friend - I am seriously considering calling FIL/GP and getting her to seek medical help - I think she has mental health issues, she has had depression in the past and this behaviour isn't normal.

I am seriously considering calling FIL/GP and getting her to seek medical help - I think she has mental health issues, she has had depression in the past and this behaviour isn't normal.

Not your problem!! If she finds out you've done that, the shit will really hit the fan.

If anyone has to do it, it must be your DH. Keep out!

I agree with mumsy blouse. She doesn't have diabetes yet by the sounds of things and may avoid developing it if she loses weight. It's not clear why you went to slimming world with her and it does sound as though you got over involved in her strop there. Now she has told you to be less involved so i would disengage. She isn't your mother, let your husband deal with her. Don't call people about her possible depression etc that's more getting overinvolved.
Step back, alot. Disengage.

Rebecca - I already go to SW, she invited herself along.

Ok, I thought it might be overstepping the mark so will forget that, I'm just so bloody angry, still.