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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refer to a black man as a black man

574 replies

ShakeRattleNRoll · 03/10/2013 23:55

The other day i was talking about this black man who lives down the road to a neighbour and she said it was politically incorrect of me to say 'you know that black man who lives there' after I had said it.I thought well i never.What's wrong with calling him a black man when he is a black man? How should have I described him? TYIA

OP posts:
notquiteruralbliss · 05/10/2013 13:55

I think someone might say 'the black man' if that was the obvious distinguishing feature of a neighbour to someone who didn't know him. Which it would be if he was the only black man in the street. At her inner city school, my daughter was often described as 'the white girl' by her Somali / Pakistani / Indian / West Indian friends if they were talking to someone who didn't know her well because it made it clear who they meant. I think she was one of 2 white kids in her class, the other one being a boy.

MistressDeeCee · 05/10/2013 14:16

YellowDinosaur - I dont particularly care. You are just one of those white women with a sense of entitlement that you are able to define a racist comment to a black person, and also tell her how she SHOULD feel about it and deal with it. I cant be bothered with that. Go and address the OP, who further down the line has commented about his 'big chopper' or another poster I saw before I hit my bed last night, had gone on about black men having big dicks. You probably conveniently glossed over that, in your haste to tell me how I should think and feel. Im not interested, there are 1000 of you out there all singing the same dry song. Id rather focus on the sensible posters on this thread.

Anyway, in general - personally, I dont care if say Im standing across a room, someone wants to point me out as the black woman. Yes, if theres a white person in a roomful of black people I DO say 'its the white woman over there' if I want to distinguish her to someone else. Its an automatic thing with me. I dont take, or give offence we tend to go for what is the most obvious. I can understand some black people wont like it, as people focusing on our colour has different implications for us; but in a standard situation like that, Im not fussed.

Essentially people are people. No labels needed. All the fuss about 'person of colour' 'oh dont say blackboard' is the stuff we laugh at..we dont make up these things..NEVER have I met a black person who will jump up with offence when they hear 'blackboard?!' I get on best with people who arent offensive, just call it how they see it. Nuthin at all wrong with that.

BeCool · 05/10/2013 14:27

we are ALL people of colour!!

Black, white, light brown, pink, dark brown, cream, beige, yellow, tan, alabaster, ebony - all colours.

MistressDeeCee · 05/10/2013 15:07

BeCool - nice sentiments. But this world isn't an equal playing field in terms of colour and race. Some will attempt to limit your life opportunities, thought processes, access etc due to colour. For those who implement this, it doesn't matter that we are all a colour - its the particular colour that does matter.

YellowDinosaur · 05/10/2013 15:16

MistressDeeCee no sense of entitlement here thanks nor telling you what you should feel, just expressing a different opinion. Or is that not allowed either?

MistressDeeCee · 05/10/2013 15:44

I'm not here with any sense of entitlement which causes me to feel I'm 'allowed?!'to dampen down expression of opinion. You spoke in patronising terms regarding my interpretation of racist, derogatory stereotypes. I simply replied. I live it - you do not. There are ways of having a perfectly decent discussion about racism, without attempting to jump from a great height on those whose life experiences are different for a particularly relevant and obvious reason here. Its hardly my issue that you disliked my response to comments you aimed at me. My interest is discussion in general

YellowDinosaur · 05/10/2013 16:05

So my comments would be ok if I was black would they? Hmm

YellowDinosaur · 05/10/2013 16:09

Oh the irony that you have come out with one of the few racist comments on the thread...

You are just one of those white women with a sense of entitlement

nicename · 05/10/2013 16:15

I have to say, no good sentence ever starts 'you're just one of those XXX women/people...'.

curlew · 05/10/2013 16:16

No good sentence ever starts "I don't see colour..." either......

headinhands · 05/10/2013 16:23

Had this sort of situation when a friend of a friend came up in conversation. 'Oh you know Sue, married to Gary, with 2 girls Gail and Fiona?' I just wanted to 'she's black' bit was worried about using that to identify her. It seemed so silly. A while ago I had another similar convo and used their ethnicity as well as other features

curlew · 05/10/2013 16:29

But why would you want to add "she's black"? How many Sues married to Garys do you know? Why did you need any more identifiers?

curlew · 05/10/2013 16:32

"Do you know that lovely woman who works in accounts- Oh, I can't remember her name.....she' s black and usually wears a dark suit...."

Now that would be absolutely fine.

Serendipity30 · 05/10/2013 16:37

I saw a documentary with the 'Black Farmer' he called his brand that because of the racism he has experienced there.

Serendipity30 · 05/10/2013 16:38

They showed him going to market and people would stop and stare at him, i kid you not.

KatyPutTheCuttleOn · 05/10/2013 16:41

I used to work with a guy who was black. He had a poster by his desk which went along the lines of "you feel sick, you go green, you are cold, you go blue, you are hot, you go red, and you have the nerve to call me coloured?"

He preferred to be called black not coloured. Personally I would not tend to describe somebody down the road as the black man, I'd just say the man at number 14 or whatever, or the man with ginger hair, the man who is black or whatever other distinguishing feature they had. If it helps to identify a stranger then I think it's OK if it is not done in an insulting way.

Not so long ago I had agreed to give a friend of a friend some books, they were collecting them from my house and so I was told to expect an Irish man; when he turned up he was Asian and so I didn't expect him to be the person for the books - until he spoke to me! if I'd been told he was an Asian man I'd have expected to hand over the books instead of him having to explain why he was there Blush

headinhands · 05/10/2013 16:44

I was adding more detail every time she shook her head. Whereas she would have known who I meant if I'd included her ethnicity because we live in an area that is largely populated with white heritage. It felt silly that I felt I couldn't use her ethnicity as if it were something one should be ashamed off. I don't get the 'you wouldn't have said 'he's white' about a white guy'. Well no you wouldn't because you're using identifiers that narrow the possibilities down within that given area and that's when it's appropriate.

headinhands · 05/10/2013 16:46

As for 'I can't be racist cos I gave him a present' Wink

curlew · 05/10/2013 17:01

"It felt silly that I felt I couldn't use her ethnicity as if it were something one should be ashamed of"

Well, under those circumstances, why didn't you?

ArmyDad · 05/10/2013 17:48

"Well, under those circumstances, why didn't you?"

Because it can be tough to distinguish which particular circumstances it is and isn't ok. We don't all have your level of tact apparently

curlew · 05/10/2013 17:53

What social minefields you do walk through! Why not just rely on good manners? It's honestly not difficult- unless you are deliberately making it difficult for some reason!

ArmyDad · 05/10/2013 18:05

I don't walk through social minefields. I'm lucky enough that I don't find myself surrounded by the easily offended. But you in the other hand have decided that we must not refer to "Sue and Gary" by their skin colour but the girl who wears the dark suit can be.

unlucky83 · 05/10/2013 18:27

Being ashamed of your skin
I used to work with a guy with most striking skin - very very dark- think like Masai- almost black, really smooth, clear -I thought it was really beautiful skin.
One day we were comparing burn scars on our arms (we were chefs) - he had absolutely nothing positive to say about his skin...everything was negative - it made me really sad and really angry...
And as far as I am concerned it isn't only white people that have made him feel like that...
I am not saying racism doesn't exist but I think seeing racism where there isn't any is damaging children - kids grow up expecting to experience racism, thinking if anyone is negative towards them it is solely because of the colour of their skin, not thinking they have any kind of fair chance in life ...not seeing anything positive in the colour of their skin ...

donnie · 05/10/2013 19:01

why not just refer to him as 'a man'.

thud.

curlew · 05/10/2013 19:26

"I don't walk through social minefields. I'm lucky enough that I don't find myself surrounded by the easily offended. But you in the other hand have decided that we must not refer to "Sue and Gary" by their skin colour but the girl who wears the dark suit can be."

Because we know Sue and Gary's names. So we don't need any other identifier. If there were two couples, both called Sue and Gary, one couple white and the other black, then using skin colour could be a useful identifier. As with the woman in th dark suit whose name you do not know.

iT'S NOT DIFFICULT!!!!!!!!!!!

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