Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refer to a black man as a black man

574 replies

ShakeRattleNRoll · 03/10/2013 23:55

The other day i was talking about this black man who lives down the road to a neighbour and she said it was politically incorrect of me to say 'you know that black man who lives there' after I had said it.I thought well i never.What's wrong with calling him a black man when he is a black man? How should have I described him? TYIA

OP posts:
curlew · 05/10/2013 08:19

"I cringe every time I hear the term "white person". I am not white. Only dead people are white."

How many black people do you know who are actually black?

digerd · 05/10/2013 08:25

Yes, that too. One man and one woman in UK, and one in Germany.

Thiscoukdbeme · 05/10/2013 08:25

DH is black. It's hysterical when people get themselves all tied up in knots trying to describe him.
'Oh,is you husband the, urm, tall one?'
'You know, he's got lots of hair'
If you're describing someone's physical appearance in order to point them out, then yes, using skin colour is perfectly acceptable!
(The cock thing is very offensive though)

marriedinwhiteisbackz · 05/10/2013 08:28

There's also nothing wrong with accepting that everyone is different and describing them as they are - always truthfully and never hurtfully. It is however a fact that some people are more sensitive than others and whilst we need to be mindful of that all we do and all we say and all our reactions should be proportionate. There is also a small minority that seems to focus on finding everything that others do vexatious, the minority that see discrimination or bullying in everything in the workplace and can't distinguish between that and reasonable instructions and being picked up when they haven't been followed.

There is also one of the last tabboos that no one dares mention but which I have seen increase persistently in recent years and that is black on white bullying in the workplace. But if that is mentioned it's a no go area but believe me it exists and I have seen groups of black women literally gang up on a white manager.

digerd · 05/10/2013 08:30

A woman was sued for £2000 for saying to a male work colleague" You are black, I bet you've got a big one".

ArmyDad · 05/10/2013 08:33

How about any uniformed service where everyone dresses the same? How would you describe somebody when everyone is dressed the same?

curlew · 05/10/2013 08:34

"A woman was sued for £2000 for saying to a male work colleague" You are black, I bet you've got a big one".

I'd like to see a report of this, but if it's true- good!

curlew · 05/10/2013 08:36

"How about any uniformed service where everyone dresses the same? How would you describe somebody when everyone is dressed the same?"

Under those circumstances, it would be entirely reasonable to say "the one with red hair" "the black guy" - whatever.

Why do people pretend to be stupid when this subject comes up?

YellowDinosaur · 05/10/2013 08:37

MistressDeeCee we'll have to agree to disagree. Of course I've heard the stereotype you're talking about but she was referring to firemen not black men and also saying maybe he had a big cock because of his size not his colour. But I understand why you've read it that way. Can't you see why I have to? As I said in my earlier post:

Now your background and experience of insidious racism is possibly what us making you read it like this just as my white middle class background (albeit with an adopted brother who is black) is making me take it at face value

I have had my eyes opened on this thread to be honest about the above. I don't think I realised quite how much subtle racism goes on all the time. That doesn't mean I don't think its ridiculous that someone can't be described by the colour of their skin when there is no other obvious differentiating factor. Sometimes there isn't and it doesn't mean you're reducing that person to just a colour.

curlew · 05/10/2013 08:39

"That doesn't mean I don't think its ridiculous that someone can't be described by the colour of their skin when there is no other obvious differentiating factor"

Yep, it is ridiculous. Point me to the person on this thread who says you can't do that , and I will personally tell them so.

ArmyDad · 05/10/2013 08:40

I'm not pretending to be stupid. I am trying to point out that when describing each other we will use the thing that stands out the most in that given situation

nicename · 05/10/2013 08:45

I'm late to the party but my reading is:

OP to neighbour - I just gave Phil a cool present
Neighbour - Phil who?
OP - Phil up the road. Lives opposite Mary.
N - Don't know him. Is he new then?
OP - He's lived here for years. Used to go out with Jane.
N - ??
OP - He drives that red car, always parked on the corner...
N - nope...
OP - Phil - big black guy
N - that's racist!

And the fireman's hose thing - I read it as a comment about firefighters. My DN is a firefighter and even she gets asked if she has 'a big pole' or balls of steel. We've all heard similar about black men too, but I read her comment at a fireman thing.

curlew · 05/10/2013 08:55

"I'm not pretending to be stupid. I am trying to point out that when describing each other we will use the thing that stands out the most in that given situation"

Using common sense and tact. Which means that if possible use something that isn't a physical characteristic. So if everyone is in the same uniform, it's perfectly reasonable to say "the black guy". And nobody is saying it isn't. And as that has been said about 50 times, I can only assume that for some reason you are choosing not to take that on board.

ArmyDad · 05/10/2013 09:03

313 posts I think most views have now been expressed.

curlew · 05/10/2013 09:18

"313 posts I think most views have now been expressed."

With the exception of the view that if there is no other sensible way of distinguishing someone you still can't say "the black guy".

Original poster
ShakeRattleNRoll · 05/10/2013 09:18

So I think the general consensus is that I am not being unreasonable even though I could most probably get done for it in a work place.In future I will refer to him the man with the 'big chopper' whilst I can't remember his name but rest assured I will be asking him again for his christian name as he is my friend now.

OP posts:
curlew · 05/10/2013 09:22

Laugh? I thought I'd never start.......

Original poster
ShakeRattleNRoll · 05/10/2013 09:24

I think in future I might start saying a person of colour Confused

OP posts:
KepekCrumbs · 05/10/2013 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nicename · 05/10/2013 09:47

I'm very pale with freckles. Am I a person of some colour?

Original poster
ShakeRattleNRoll · 05/10/2013 09:49

sorry nicename i'm Confused

OP posts:
nicename · 05/10/2013 10:05

You're yellow? Pleased to meet you. Ill introduce you to my son, olivey-medskin.

Colour is weird, isn't it?

greenfolder · 05/10/2013 12:09

Where I work, there are 400 staff-2 black men and maybe 5 people of asian decent. If someone said to me "who is Richard?" My answer would be "he is the black guy who sits round the corner"

giveitago · 05/10/2013 13:30

I think that ds's school encourage kids to describe not as black, asian or white etc but rather by skin tone like 'a bit dark', 'darker' etc

Confuses the shit out of me when he refered to his own gran as the "gran with the medium dark (not darkest though) skin" (Indian), as opposed to his other gran "with very light skin, lighter than mine" (Italian) .

Waste of words - I'm sitting there trying to figure out which granny he's talking about.

So to get around it he's given them different titles (finally) so we don't have go through this yawnsome crap.

curlew · 05/10/2013 13:35

"I think in future I might start saying a person of colour"

Why? Just be polite. Oh, and don't talk about black men having big dicks. You'll be fine.