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AIBU?

DD living in sh1thole - of her making

131 replies

MessedupMommy · 02/10/2013 21:14

Ok, its not my home, I get that.

Problem - its filthy, smelly, flea ridden and is also home to my 8m old grandson! If I say anything she gets in a strop. I helped her tidy most of it a few weeks ago but next time I visited it was getting as bad again. I'm worried the social will come around (she has pnd) and do something. The little one is dirty and has no clean clothes. She doesn't work (neither does her fella) and hardy ever gets out of her onsie. She's loads of time to keep a lovely house or even a clean but untidy house but says shes too tired. The baby is amazing and sleeps 14 hours a night! I don't know what to do!

OP posts:

Report

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 04/10/2013 13:32

BurberryQ
That social worker was massively overstepping the mark in that case, as no social worker has the authority to remove children on the spot without a court order or police applying their powers. It would be massively incompetent of a social worker to say that they would remove someone's children 'immediately' and any social worker who said that would have been pretty much talking out of their arse.

Birdsgottafly · 04/10/2013 13:33

SS have to justify a Care Order (under any section of the Children Act) to a judge, children are removed by SS but they remain in Foster Care under a court order.

The judge will want a family member to be first choice for care in every situation, so it doesn't matter if a SW is "over zealous", they don't hold the power to place a child in LA Foster Care, or keep them their.

If a child is under CP then legal aid is still awarded without question.

It doesn't matter if a SW says " they would have removed then", the court would over rule it and any child with attachment will stay within the family.

Birdsgottafly · 04/10/2013 13:35

X post with Eric.

We always have a spate of " an SW said...." Posts on these threads, but no actual removal.

If after gaining legal help, a court decides that the child does not return home, then there are grounds for this.

BurberryQ · 04/10/2013 13:35

i suspected that at the time Ehric, the SW talking out of their arse i mean, but it was scary, very scary.

FavoriteThings · 04/10/2013 13:37

littlewhitebad says she is currently a sw. She says that the child may be taken away, and returned later.

op, are you up to helping her out even more? Is it going to put your own health in danger in any way?
Your DD is ill and not coping, and you say that your DGS is in a dangerous situation, so something needs to change, doesnt it.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 04/10/2013 13:38

I can believe it Burberry.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 04/10/2013 13:41

Sure, but realistically, it's unlikely that the children would be removed for home conditions unless they were seriously hazardous (dog shit, sharps accessible etc). If the home conditions are part of a pattern of neglect that includes failing to feed properly, leaving in dirty nappies etc then that's also more concerning. A child that is basically, if poorly cared for, living in a dirty but generally not unsafe home will not be removed, unless things show no signs of improvement over time.

FavoriteThings · 04/10/2013 13:41

That is what I thought Bird. There are not that many homes to place children, so very few are actually taken away.

Oceansurf · 04/10/2013 13:42

How old is your daughter and her partner?

I think it's very sad that your grandson is living in these conditions. If it were me, I'd be taking him to my house and telling my daughter he was only coming home when she cleared the shithole up! Neither of them work??? Depressed or not (and yes, i've recently been suffering from PND) there is no excuse to live in a shithole when you have a baby.

They both sound like they need to grow up and take responsibility for another human being. Even if she was beyond doing the basics, what the bloody hell is the partner doing???!

And yes, I would ring SS.

BurberryQ · 04/10/2013 13:43

well an extraordinary amount of my children's acquaintances are in foster care

Birdsgottafly · 04/10/2013 13:45

If the OP was to inform SS then she needs to be present when the arrive and have decided upon the amount of help that she is wiling to give.

They will have the child's home flea bombed , if the family are on benefits and will help with the practicalities of a clean up (skip etc).

The child will not be removed from Mums care if the OP is willing to accommodate them, Foster care is a last resort.

SoleSource · 04/10/2013 13:48

Could you afford to pay a cleaner for a few hours per week? If you could be there at the same time as cleaner and also clean that is double the effort/hours.

Might help, I'd try that if I was able to before SS and her GP.

Birdsgottafly · 04/10/2013 13:48

"well an extraordinary amount of my children's acquaintances are in foster care"

Most of the population isn't, or even those children whose Mums have struggled through PND, depending on where you met your friends, there may be a correlation between the two.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 04/10/2013 13:48

Burberry
What does that prove exactly?

classifiedinformation · 04/10/2013 13:48

I have to say when I developed pnd and panic disorder after the birth of DS, my mum took us in and helped by taking DD to school for me.

However, no matter how sick I was or how I neglected myself I always took care of DS. We didn't get out much, but he was washed, clean, fed and always had clean clothes.

Maybe OP needs to help with the housework and laundry if she has time, but the baby should be cared for (as much as possible) by mum. The only thing that kept me going was taking care of my kids basic needs, if I hadn't had that responsibility I'd have got a hell of alot worse!

BurberryQ · 04/10/2013 13:50

it is an observation Ehric - and birds, i am not talking about people that I know, btw,
it is simply a fact that round here, SW are feared and an extraordinary amount of children are removed from their parents.

Birdsgottafly · 04/10/2013 13:52

A cleaner isn't the answer because for some yet disclosed reason, Dad has decided it's ok for his child to be neglected and put at risk if harm by living in an unsuitable environment.

I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't part of the problem, or at least their relationship. mum should be returning from a weekend in Nan's to a sparkly house.

pantsonbackwards · 04/10/2013 13:57

BurberryQ. That's awful. I do have a friend who appears to have encountered an unprofessional sw who has told my very young friend (who then believed it) that she HAD to allow contact to her abusive ex after him having not seen the dc for years or attempting to. He hadn't taken it to court or anything, just charmed the sw it would seem. She left my young friend with the impression that if she didn't allow her children to go to him they might be able to take them away from her

The sw felt that now that he had a job that meant he
was a changed man.

Is it possible to make complaints about social workers?

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 04/10/2013 13:59

Pantson
Yes certainly. She should look on the website for her local authority and she will find contact details on there.

littlewhitebag · 04/10/2013 14:09

As i said earlier i have removed children because of the state of their homes. Sometimes by going to the court for an order and sometimes on a voluntary basis if the parent agrees. It can depend on the age of the children, the state of the house and other mitigating factors (drugs/alcohol misuse, MH issues, DV etc) Sometimes we ask that family members take the children on an ad hoc basis if things just merely need a good clean. SW really don't like removing children from their parents/family unless they have to. As none of us know exactly what this house is like then it is hard to say what might happen if SS were involved.

BurberryQ · 04/10/2013 14:13

oh that is bad pants - I told the SW why i left my ex (DV) she phoned him and he denied it, and she wrote in the report
'Burberry has accused MrEx of violence however he has assured me that this is not true'
and it was on fucking police record.
yes you can complain, they should leave a leaflet telling you how to do it.

FavoriteThings · 04/10/2013 14:24

littlewhitebag. So children wouldn't be removed purely on the state of the home would they? Juat wanting clarity, because it did sound like it from your post of 06.52am this morning and your first sentence of your last post.
But in essence, you are saying that that is just 1 of the factors that is taken into consideration?

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FavoriteThings · 04/10/2013 14:27

BurberryQ. I am wondering if there is an overzealous sw team in your area? That is possible. Or else that you are in an area that happens to have parents who, for whatever reason, are not parenting well.

BurberryQ · 04/10/2013 14:30

well certainly the area is relatively economically depressed.....which i guess doesnt help the parents....
on the other hand the fostering allowance is rather generous...
sorry i should actually leave this thread cos i am just so very cynical.

pantsonbackwards · 04/10/2013 14:33

BurberryQ. How long ago was that? Did you complain about that?

The way she phrased it sounded like his say so that it hadn't happened was good enough

I recently complained about some counselling i had more than a year ago. I felt silly complaining after so long but so glad i did now.

(regrets not complaining about a shit midwife too!)

Wow i used the word complain a lot there.

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