DD living in sh1thole - of her making

[MessedupMommy]

Ok, its not my home, I get that.

Problem - its filthy, smelly, flea ridden and is also home to my 8m old grandson! If I say anything she gets in a strop. I helped her tidy most of it a few weeks ago but next time I visited it was getting as bad again. I'm worried the social will come around (she has pnd) and do something. The little one is dirty and has no clean clothes. She doesn't work (neither does her fella) and hardy ever gets out of her onsie. She's loads of time to keep a lovely house or even a clean but untidy house but says shes too tired. The baby is amazing and sleeps 14 hours a night! I don't know what to do!

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

on the other hand the fostering allowance is rather generous...

Really? Are you implying that social workers remove children to feed a greedy foster care industry? That's ridiculous. There is an excess of children to foster placements everywhere in the UK and if your area had an excess of carers (impossible) they would be used by other local authorities who had a shortage (everywhere).

I also take exception to the insinuation that social workers are such terrible people that they would deliberately collude in a system that removes children from caring parents in order for people to make money from. Bollocks. I take that personally.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

There is a significant lack on knowledge and understanding of DV amongst social services in general. It should be covered in much more depth on the training.

[randomAXEofkindness]

It certainly would be incredibly difficult for your dd to maintain everything as well as somebody without a mh problem, but she has to make the decision to do it anyway for your dgs sake.

It's extremely concerning that you say the baby is 'dirty'. Can you elaborate on this. What is dirty? Do they always change his nappy (does he have a rash or anything). Are his clothes ever wet (or have they been wet at some point and then dried?). What about the flies - have they got a pet currently? What are they doing about the problem? What is his growth/weight like - has your dd plotted them? (if not, sneak the info, put it on here and somebody with a red book will tell you). Anything else...

I think we really need to know every detail or hunch you've got about your dgs before we can give you any useful advice. My initial reaction was that if that was my dd I would move her back in and look after them all myself until she was well, but you say your dd is resistant to this. I'd be incredibly uncomfortable about leaving your dgs in this situation until it is clear that your dd is capable of caring for him properly. Even taking into account what has been said about attachment (something I'm always very conscious of), it may well be that your dgs would be better off with you.

After reading the most recent serious case reviews, I would say it would be a terrible idea to discourage you from calling the ss if you feel it would be beneficial in ANY way. I'm really surprised that anyone here is giving any impression otherwise.

[littlewhitebag]

favouritethings The state of the house is usually just one of a number of things which would cause us to remove a child. By 'remove' i might ask a gran or aunt to take a child for a few nights so the family can get the house to a decent state. If bad enough and coupled with other things i might go and get an order. One of the worst houses i ever went into the child went to stay with her older sister for a period on a voluntary basis. She was eventually returned to her mother. Alcohol was a massive factor in that case.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

The pejorative language is not helping here. It's not about the OP "reporting her DD" but rather, engaging services on the behalf of the child in question who cannot voice his concern due to being a baby. Child protection is everyone's business.

[BurberryQ]

BurberryQ. How long ago was that? Did you complain about that?
The way she phrased it sounded like his say so that it hadn't happened was good enough
I spoke up in objection to it at a meeting, ofc, but tbh at that time (1-2 years ago) I felt beaten by the system and did not put in an official complaint.