DD living in sh1thole - of her making

[MessedupMommy]

Ok, its not my home, I get that.

Problem - its filthy, smelly, flea ridden and is also home to my 8m old grandson! If I say anything she gets in a strop. I helped her tidy most of it a few weeks ago but next time I visited it was getting as bad again. I'm worried the social will come around (she has pnd) and do something. The little one is dirty and has no clean clothes. She doesn't work (neither does her fella) and hardy ever gets out of her onsie. She's loads of time to keep a lovely house or even a clean but untidy house but says shes too tired. The baby is amazing and sleeps 14 hours a night! I don't know what to do!

[HandMini]

Could you set up a regular weekly visit at which you tackle the house together. Just two hours a week, starting one room at a time.

[Salmotrutta]

I'm with you usual - I'd move hell and high water to get my DD, SIL and grandkids to move in back here if it was a choice between that and social services.

Thankfully I haven't had to think about that as they are fine BUT we did have a "wobble" back in the day (when things were hard) and it might have been done. Don't want to elaborate.

[TotemPole]

usualsuspect, I think SS would get her the help she needs. The OP could still keep an eye on things.

[AmberLeaf]

Would people really report their own daughter to social services?

She has PND, OP go and help her and keep on helping her.

[AnyFucker]

If the baby is at risk, yes I would.

[AmberLeaf]

If my grandchild was at risk, Id get off my arse and do something myself before I called in social services.

[usualsuspect]

Me too,Amber.

[AnyFucker]

Perhaps you have your own FT job, no other young children, perhaps you live the other end of the country, have elderly parents to care for, have health problems of your own... etc

it isn't always possible to put your own life on hold to help your offspring full time. Sometimes the best person to help you is not the closest one to you. If a baby is being neglected, professional assistance is required, IMO

[AnyFucker]

sorry, I meant you have other young children

[cansu]

FGS go round and help her. Help her get house clean and wash dc's clothes. I can't believe people are suggesting social services instead of helping yourself.

[AnyFucker]

I don't think people are suggesting SS instead of helping. I am certainly not.

[AmberLeaf]

I know my parents would do anything they could to help me if I were in a bad way, SS is beyond the last resort, it just wouldn't happen.

It sounds like she needs daily help and support making sure her PND is being treated, do you really think SS would do that?

This is what families are meant to do to help each other.

[Hissy]

Throughout ALL the crap i've lived through over the last 30 years, the depression, suicide attempt, abusive relationship, fallout from same, my mother's been there...

..Telling all her friends and any bugger who'll listen how worried she was, making up stories about all she's done.

But all the while doing FA to actually help, or support. Not even asking how I was.

So dear OP... what ARE you actually going to DO to support your ILL daughter? have you asked how she is? How YOU can help? Hmm?

If her accommodation is as bad as you say and you're not just judging her, then offer them space while it's fumigated.

[AmberLeaf]

Yeah that crossed my mind too AnyFucker.

[miffybun73]

I agree with AnyFucker Wed 02-Oct-13 22:15:14

[Salmotrutta]

Hmm.

I find myself in agreement with AF and Amber...

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

agreed anyfucker

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

Perhaps we should stop troll hunting incase this is a genuine post? Surely it would be better to advise the op so that if there is a woman out there struggling with pnd, her mum might step up to the plate and help her out.

Op I think you should help your dd yourself rather than involve ss. Make sure she is getting treatment for her pnd and get hands on with helping her sort her home out. She is going to need a lot of help.

If you genuinely cannot commit to helping her consistently and frequently, then contact ss if you are seriously concerned for the welfare of your dgc. I think you, as her mother, will be able to better support her though, and help her become well.

[usualsuspect]

Oops

[Salmotrutta]

[FortyDoorsToNowhere]

I know the mother has a MH problem but the father is living there, so IMO there is another parent there 24/7 and still a baby is being neglected.

This family needs a lot of help and support.

[AnyFucker]

I have put helpful messages on here. Shall leave it now.