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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking asking for money instead of a present is rude?

191 replies

matrix11 · 01/10/2013 21:15

That is it really, DS has come out of school today, with a party invite, to a party, in a few weeks and on the back the parent has wrote a blooming poem, saying how they want to choose their own gifts, so can we please give money, between £5 and £10 please, children from both classes have been invited, apparently not all, but about 40!
What is the matter with people[shocked] or am I out of touch these days...please let me knowSmile

OP posts:
PTFO · 02/10/2013 20:08

O.M.G

I love love love the Oxfam idea, that might get them thinking about how greedy and grabby they are and that there are kids that simply need the basics in life.

oh and stick a poem on it.

let us know what you decide!

Floggingmolly · 02/10/2013 20:08

Disney dvd's as christening gifts??? How random. Bit cheeky to be so certain you'll be inundated with Christening gifts as to dictate what's acceptable Disney dvd's?????

Sparklysilversequins · 02/10/2013 20:11

Yes it's rude but I wish it wasn't. Ds collects Hornby trains and is always saving for various sets. He'd far rather get £5 or £10 towards that than a present he won't use and I will recycle.

Catsize · 02/10/2013 20:32

What ever happened to a gift being a gift rather than a response to a request? [sceptical]
Disney DVDs for a Christening?! Confused
Have decided I am happy as an old-fashioned Catsize. Smile

Catsize · 02/10/2013 20:33

Hmm even. So bloody old-fashioned, I can't use emoticon thingies.

LittlePeaPod · 02/10/2013 20:34

Sorry I have not read all responses. OMG I am shocked they asked for money but then to top it off they specified an amount Grin. Brilliant! PMSL...

We once received a wedding invite which asked for money. I wish I still had it to share the poem. DH went mad at the cheek and point blank refused to give them any money. To say the list they got a present from us.

Just told DH about this post and his off ranting. Grin

Tavv · 02/10/2013 20:52

That's very rude!

However it's not the child's fault. I would give a wrapped gift as usual.

Tavv · 02/10/2013 20:54

when I've expressed the same opinion in relation to weddings, I've been shouted down

We must have been on different threads! I agree it's rude to ask for presents or money for any of these occasions, and have seen lots of MN-ers who think the same.

LeoTheLateBloomer · 02/10/2013 21:05

Sparkly why don't you buy the presents off him? Win-win Smile

PoshCat · 02/10/2013 21:15

Whilst I can see how it is bit cheeky, I'd rather give £5 than buy something the kid doesn't want of has in duplicate.

Sparklysilversequins · 02/10/2013 21:16

That's only fair actually Leo he would love you for suggesting that. By the way guess what his name is? Smile

HappyMummyOfOne · 02/10/2013 21:39

OMG how rude, even worse than charging an entry fee for a wedding translated as bride asking for cash as you cany be trusted to choose your own gift.

absoluteidiot · 02/10/2013 22:08

Kids' bday definitely rude. But I'm an old fart and think it is rude for anything - my niece demanded money on her wedding invite. So I took nothing. She would have got a present, but she was marrying a bloke who could pay a huge deposit on a country cottage - cash, and is only 23. I live in a council house. Sorry, money isn't going to happen, love.

noddingoff · 02/10/2013 22:55

"between £5 and £10 please" means "£5 or £10 note, but if it's the former we'll think you're a little bit cheap". I would put £7.49 in the card just to mess with their heads.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 02/10/2013 23:14

Jelly, love it!

cerealqueen · 02/10/2013 23:27

Half the excitement is the opening of the presents. These parents are bypassing that and going for the materialistic juggular. Ugh.

YellowDinosaur · 02/10/2013 23:52

what noddingoff said. Proper sniggering at them wondering why £7.49 :o

MichelleRouxJnr · 03/10/2013 00:49

Thanks for the invite to your birthday bash
I'd love to attend and I'll bring you some cash
But when it's over and you hand me my coat
Forget a shitty party bag - I'll have a ten pound note!

BillyBanter · 03/10/2013 01:00

I've brought you a fiver
for your birthday tea.
There's also an invoice
for my attendance fee.
Ten pounds.

Catsize · 03/10/2013 07:03

Love the poems.

Wondering if the child is VAT registered.

'Can't wait for the party. Is the admission fee inclusive of VAT?'.

Bunbaker · 03/10/2013 07:10

A friend of mine once asked for money instead of gifts for her 30th birthday. I know several people who were so offended by this they didn't even bother going to her party.

throckenholt · 03/10/2013 07:39

its weird isn't it ? - most of us hate all the tat you get at kids birthday parties (be honest you can't get anything much for £5-10), but somehow we are offended if someone puts into words the idea that it would be nicer to put all those contributions together to get something nicer. And then want to buy a present just to annoy them !

Personally I don't find it rude - I find it honest. But I guess I would prefer the no presents option instead. I hate the implication that the party is an excuse to get lots of extra presents (as if kids aren't already inundated with presents anyway). I wish we could get to the point that the party it the reward in itself - a chance to have fun with your friends and nothing more.

So glad mine are past this age and I don't have to jump through this hoop anymore :)

throckenholt · 03/10/2013 07:44

just reading through a lot of these comments - why would you rather a buy a present for someone knowing it is likely to be something they wouldn't have chosen for themselves ? Isn't that a waste of your hard earned cash ?

Why woudn't you rather give them the money and let them choose ? Is it because you don't want them to know exactly how much you choose to spend ? Or does it make you feel awkward trying to judge how much looks ok - too little looks stingy, too much looks extravagant.

Genuine questions. It has puzzled me for years - it is definitely a cultural norm in the UK.

Margetts · 03/10/2013 07:46

At our school we buy one joint present for the child. We usually put in £5 and the children have got some fantastic toys, usually lego or playmobil.
The system works well, as a parent you normally take a turn once a year to buy the present. If its your child's birthday they get a decent present and not all the little things which can bw fun but clutter up the house.

SuburbanRhonda · 03/10/2013 08:08

What a great idea, margetts.

I agree with posters who say it would be better to have the money to spend on what you what than a present you will never use.

But there is no polite to say this without sounding unbearably materialistic. And I think the thing that has shocked most posters is (a) the specification of the amount and (b) the fact that a small child will trouser around £300 minimum for his birthday. Just vulgar.