in thinking asking for money instead of a present is rude?

[matrix11]

That is it really, DS has come out of school today, with a party invite, to a party, in a few weeks and on the back the parent has wrote a blooming poem, saying how they want to choose their own gifts, so can we please give money, between £5 and £10 please, children from both classes have been invited, apparently not all, but about 40!
What is the matter with people[shocked] or am I out of touch these days...please let me know

[Bahhhhhumbug]

I hate this, my SS and his wife put such a poem on their wedding invites. I know for a fact his dad for one put a lot more in than we would have spent on a present (or I would have chosen it probably) because the thing that's distasteful is that they know exactly how much you have spent on them so as others have said what if you're skint or wanted to recycle a bottle or something.
Don't get me wrong it was his sons wedding and we wouldn't have got them cheap tat but just wouldn't have spent as much if it wasn't so 'visible'. The fact we knew it was his WTB's idea too went down equally well not same as the rest of her bridezilla antics and endless rows she has caused in family since (whole other thread).
Plus it thwarts my little game that l know many others do.
I buy stuff in closing down sales/seasonal sales and put them away for presents. I always think when l got a crystal vase for example that should have been £50 but cost £25 what difference does that make to the recipient who had clear glass vases on her wedding list? I once bought a variety of beautiful clutch evening bags in a clearance sale - should have been £25 and they were £5. Gave them to various friends/family for birthdays etc and they loved them and l still see them use them on occasion. But this new trend stops all that [sulks]

[HorryIsUpduffed]

Books usually cost between £5 and £10, don't disintegrate on touch, and store without fuss. They are now my go-to for children's parties.

[Threalamandaclarke]

Maybe it would be less awful if they set a £5 limit.

But you're right suburban there is no way to ask without sounding materialistic.

[YouHaveAGoodPoint]

I think it would be fine with a £5 limit

That would actually be a clever way to do it if you wanted a big party but didn't want a mountain of tat. You could say

no presents required if you are not sure what to buy hint, hint then cash present would be welcomed up to a maximium of £5


That doesn't sound half as grabby and you would still end up with mostly cash presents plus you wouldn't have pissed everyone off.

[Tavv]

I know as a child I'd have been delighted to open presents, however small. I would have been bored stiff opening £5 after £5, and trawling round the shops.

[expatinscotland]

'just reading through a lot of these comments - why would you rather a buy a present for someone knowing it is likely to be something they wouldn't have chosen for themselves ? Isn't that a waste of your hard earned cash ?

Why woudn't you rather give them the money and let them choose ? Is it because you don't want them to know exactly how much you choose to spend ? Or does it make you feel awkward trying to judge how much looks ok - too little looks stingy, too much looks extravagant.'

It's dictating to your guests what you find acceptable as a present and assuming they are too tacky and stupid to give a gift you'd find appropriate, and also that you threw the party with gifts in mind. I don't throw parties for gifts but to celebrate an occasion. I don't want my guests, who may be struggling financially, to feel they have to give me or my child anything and if they do, that it has to be money or nothing.

That's fucking tacky.

[TooMuchCaffeine]

It is a bit direct, but I don't think it was meant to be rude though. What i do think is wrong is that they asked for a specific amount - now that I DO think is a bit rude and presumptuous.

But I have to stick my neck above the parapet here and say that last year for DS 8th birthday I said in the invitation words along the line that it was more important that the kids came and enjoy the party - and told parents not to get into a tizz looking for a gift but IF they wanted to get a gift that DS would be happy with a voucher or book token.

This was said from the perspective of someone who finds it hard looking for a gift for children I don't know, and receiving duplicated gifts of things DS already has, etc, and not wanting to inconvenience people ....

I did not think that was rude at the time,and did indeed receive a mixture of vouchers, tokens and gifts. We had a small party of 6 children though not 40 peeps.

[YouHaveAGoodPoint]

TooMuchCaffine. I think your invites were nothing like the one the OP received. Your were polite and not grabby.

[ilovebabytv]

I dont think there is anything that bad about it. Imo a gift should be for the benefit of the receiver, so if they want money (and I assume it would be to pool together to buy something more expensive) then if that is what they have asked for, then that's is what they should get. Buying something that the receiver neither needs nor wants, just to satisfy yourself just rings of superiority/smugness/weirdness.

[ilovebabytv]

Stating an amount was a slightly grabby, but it was such a low amount they maybe thought they were being helpful. TBH if you cant afford a fiver in a card, then any present is almost likely to be cheap shit for less than a fiver (imo).

[Nanny0gg]

£10 a low amount for a non-close friend/non-relative?

Not in my world.

[Tavv]

I think choosing, giving and receiving of surprise presents is supposed to be a pleasure.

When it gets overly practical or mercenary, it takes away from that somewhat.

You might as well say that all these celebrations and presents for various occasions and people eventually cancel each other out financially, so let's never have any of them!

[HorryIsUpduffed]

ILove - you don't get fivers on buy-one-get-one-free but you definitely get toys and books that way.

[PTFsWife]

That is rude. That said, when it was my DS's birthday, several parents asked me what he would prefer to get/what he was into. I said that he was trying to save up for an ipad so would probably prefer money but would be happy with anything.

I never put it on an invitation though and was a pains to say that if they did choose to give him money to please only give a small amount. I think most of them were relieved to not have to make a visit to the toy shop. And they money he received ranged from £5 to £20! (which I thought was craziness and made me feel bad as I would certainly be closer to the £5 mark, possibly £10 for a close friend).

[mercibucket]

its rude to say it in writing, but we all give cash after age 7 or 8 round here, and the kids can buy an xbox or nintendo game for instance

sometimes people give a football or clothes, but thats about all

[Johnny5needsinput]

My budget for a primary child in the same class at school was at most, a fiver. Almost all the presents in my box were bogofs or reduced and worth around that. But some were worth less.

I know have a sense that for some of those on here, they were worthless.

Any that makes me really very sad.

[ViciousVampireGuineaPig]

Specific young the cost is U.

Asking for money politely- they're saving up and would love to add a few pounds to their fund for x, y and z, but if you give anything it would be amazing- that's fine. Giving/asking for money isn't wrong, in a poem/specifying the amount is. It's probably a lot nicer for the child who doesn't get tat or small things and gets something they actually really, really wants. If you can't afford it (I can't afford a £5 per birthday!) then a physical gift should be accepted and thanked, as all,presents should be, and it's only if that's not happening when the person becomes a twat.

[magicstars]

Oh wow that is so rude.

please do as Lynette suggested!

[Tavv]

There's no polite way to ask for money. If I asked for ideas for what to get someone for their birthday, then it means I'd like to give them a present they can open and I don't expect to get "money" as a reply.

[phantomnamechanger]

I can only wonder whether the parents are hoping to use the guests contributions to help buy their main (expensive) gift for the DC or pay off their debts

it is rude rude rude

no wonder we have some of the entitled bridezilla threads we do

[SirChenjin]

I don't have a problem with people (politely) asking for cash or vouchers - I would much, much rather give something that I know can go towards something that is really wanted.

In this case though the fact that an amount has been specified would annoy me.

[Ponyo73]

I always ask the parent of party child, "is there anything, so and so would, like/need for her birthday?" I am rubbish at present buying and am happy when I am given a little guidance as I don't want to waste Wonga on tat on something they don't want or like.

[Tavv]

Without going over the top, isn't receiving the occasional present you're not too keen on just something that happens in life?

[SirChenjin]

When so much plastic crap goes to landfill why not make sure that your money is spent on something that is actually wanted?