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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking asking for money instead of a present is rude?

191 replies

matrix11 · 01/10/2013 21:15

That is it really, DS has come out of school today, with a party invite, to a party, in a few weeks and on the back the parent has wrote a blooming poem, saying how they want to choose their own gifts, so can we please give money, between £5 and £10 please, children from both classes have been invited, apparently not all, but about 40!
What is the matter with people[shocked] or am I out of touch these days...please let me knowSmile

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happydutchmummy · 01/10/2013 21:33

Wow.

Floggingmolly · 01/10/2013 21:35

He's hoping he can choose his own gifts???? Why on God's earth would you encourage this bloody nonsense by actually asking the birthday guests to indulge him?
Bet you anything if he manages to rake in a couple of hundred, a large portion of it will be diverted elsewhere by his mum.

thishouseisashittip · 01/10/2013 21:35

UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE Angry

You are so not being unreasonable!! (So much so it was worth writing the whole phrase)

Original poster
matrix11 · 01/10/2013 21:36

The thing is, I am happy to put money in a card, if for some reason we can't find anything nice or not had time to present shop but it is just the fact and the way they have asked has shocked me!

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cherrytomato40 · 01/10/2013 21:36

I think specifiying the amount is rude, however after a year of recycling the same bloody bead sets/craft sets/jigsaws/whatever toy is on special offer at Sainsburys at endless kids parties there is a small part of me that wishes I had the balls to say 'just give us a fiver in a homemade card!'

Tiredmumno1 · 01/10/2013 21:37

Shock Disgraceful

I would either hope my DC didn't want to attend, or buy a cheap gift. Surely the mum can't be as rude as to ask why you did it after she asked for money.

And if she is that rude then you have the perfect opportunity to tell her how rude she was in the first place.

Does that mean the child will end up with £200 - £400?

Johnny5needsinput · 01/10/2013 21:38

Cherry - there were some weeks I simply couldn't have given you a fiver in a home made card. So I would have had to recycle the bloody gift.

I feel like shit now I know what everyone thinks of that.

WipsGlitter · 01/10/2013 21:41

We got one like this last year specifying a particular set of toy or money. I can't remember what I did but I was a bit surprised.

LeoTheLateBloomer · 01/10/2013 21:42

If it were me and I wouldn't normally think twice about putting a fiver in a card I'd want to either buy a present or give nothing just on principle. I couldn't bring myself to appear like I was going along with their demand request.

LynetteScavo · 01/10/2013 21:42

It's beyond rude.

I'd stick £5 in a card, and send the RSVP with a little note saying my DC would like to choose their party bag, and hope it has XY and Z in it.

Not really, but I'd want to.

I actually might find myself doing something more fun with my DC that day. I bet the whole thing will be horrific.

What kind of party is it, anyway? [nosey]

purpleroses · 01/10/2013 21:43

Perfectly OK to choose to give money - especially to a child.

But staggeringly rude to ask for it!

Giving a present should be about the pleasure of choosing something you would like to share with the recipient. Eg my DD has been giving everyone copies of her favourite book series because she thinks they'll enjoy it as much as she has. You can't get any pleasure out of giving money.

I'd ignore it and give a gift anyway. Or not go.

LeoTheLateBloomer · 01/10/2013 21:43

Johnny there's nothing at all wrong with regifting.

BrokenSunglasses · 01/10/2013 21:44

Unbelievably rude. I'd Sellotape a pound coin into the card.

LynetteScavo · 01/10/2013 21:45

Or even better, give them this

cherrytomato40 · 01/10/2013 21:47

Johnny, no sorry I didn't mean it like that! I just meant in our circle of friends everyone seems to give pretty much the same few gifts that cost about a fiver and at DD's party I certainly squirreled away a few to pass on at other parties (and no doubt a few of hers were regifted), as well as a card that no doubt cost a couple of quid. Just seems a bit pointless sometimes. But it's what everyone does (including me!)

Original poster
matrix11 · 01/10/2013 21:47

No theme to the party.

The poem is written on the back, so I might just make out I have not seen it and buy a gift now out of principleGrin

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raisah · 01/10/2013 21:47

People are charging now to attend birthday parties. My friend got a softplay party invite & on it was a request for £12 for entrance & food on top of the present for the child. Needless to say she didnt go with her dd. In these harsh economic times, people are getting grabby & greedy. They still want things but expect others to pay for it instead. Read some of the posts on the wedding board about brides wanting to charge guests for the reception meal because they 'can't afford to feed everyone'. Really? But they can afford to spend 3k on a dress which will be worn for one day only. Mad!

Tiredmumno1 · 01/10/2013 21:49

Johnny I agree with Leo, you carry on doing what you want to do.

It's plain greedy, I would never have expected anyone to just give me money when I was a child. How times change and I'm not even that old. Whatever happened to be grateful for what you are given. Even just receiving a card should be good enough, after all it's the thought that counts.

Greedy, greedy, greedy

LessMissAbs · 01/10/2013 21:49

YANBU its a vile trend.

fuzzpig · 01/10/2013 21:49

Glaringly rude.

Aniseeda · 01/10/2013 21:51

Wow! That is really, really rude for a child's party. Yes, I used to inwardly sigh at the pile of stuff we had to find homes for, much of which would never be played with beyond the first day but you just have to get on with it. I was always delighted if someone did put a fiver in a card but would never have dreamed of asking!

If Granny asks what little Johnnie wants for Christmas, I think it's fine to suggest money or vouchers.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 01/10/2013 21:53

I ask parents what sort of things a child is into. For a recent party, the Mum said she was hoping to get a specific Polly Pocket thingy, not that expensive but more than a gift from us, so I did give money and wrote a note in the card.

My children have each received cash in a card from school friends, and have been grateful, but I would never ask. Equally, Johnny, they love to unwrap gifts and there is no logic as to the one which takes their fancy (and it is as likely to be the one from the pund shop as a swanky set of something). In DD1's class, there is an unspoken "about a fiver, no more" rule, which I occasionally go over for her closest friends; having just had DS1's, three weeks into Reception (and as a mother of 4) I was a little shocked at some of the gifts (and speculated that the children must be only or hoped they were re-gifts) as we could not spend that per child. Hummmm.

YANBU, it is rude and rather gauche (and I almost certainly would send a gift in this instance, except that my child might be embarrassed).

jellycake · 01/10/2013 22:00

The party will be cheerful and fun
And my son would be happy to come
But asking for cash is worthy of trash
And so stick the invite up your bum.

Tiredmumno1 · 01/10/2013 22:02

Jelly Grin

Original poster
matrix11 · 01/10/2013 22:06

Jelly that is greatGrin

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