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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have spoken sharply to this child?

227 replies

pictish · 01/10/2013 09:53

Sitting on a bench in the playground at school this morning, chatting to a friend, with my daughter sitting on my knee.

A 5 yr old boy playing close by (like three feet away) suddenly boots his football, and it comes right for us, just skiffing the top of my daughters hair.

I exclaimed "Be careful! You almost hit her in the head!"

Next thing I know, the mother is looming over me telling me "Don't speak to my son like that! If you've got a problem then come and speak to me!"

I just looked at her aghast and then said "There was no need - it was a fairly minor incident."

She said "Well he's upset now, so next time speak to me!" and then turned heel and stalked off shaking her head.

I see this woman every single day, so I need to know....should I have spoken to her first? I really just reacted without thinking, and my manner was firm, although I certainly didn't shout.
I would have done the same no matter WHO had kicked that ball. Is that wrong?

OP posts:

Devora · 01/10/2013 20:32

Children do cry if they're caught out doing something wrong, don't they? Doesn't mean the telling off was abusive.

My dd - just turned 4 - ran into a slightly older kid on her scooter the other day. I imagine it hurt him a fair bit - he cried. His mum and I reacted at the same time and both spoke to dd a bit sharply. She cried. That's ok - it was an accident, but she needs to learn to be careful (and I need to learn to keep a closer eye on her).

Next day I approached the mum to apologise again. She said the usual, it's fine, that's life, they all do it.

That's how normal people do it, isn't it? I'm amazed that there's a handful of people on this thread who seem to think otherwise. How long do you protect your children from other people's reasonable reactions?

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 20:42

In that case op no need to say anything, looks lie Tarquin gets away with a lot, and mum sits back and does nothing. You did him a favour

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 01/10/2013 21:24

Yanbu. Woman must have some issues.

pixiepotter · 02/10/2013 09:04

DEar AIBU

I took my DC who in in reception to the park as a treat after school.He is a lovely sociable little boy who everyone loves.He was playing with a football , he kicked the ball over the head of a mum and daughter sitting on the bench.I was just abiout to warn him to move further away incase he frightened them, when the mother yelled at my DS and made him cry. The ball didn't even touch them and the mother even admitted it was a minor incident.I very politely asked the mother to next time speak to me before overreacting and making my little one cry

5madthings · 02/10/2013 09:20

She didn't yell at him ffs. And Pictish has said the mother was no where to be seen so not just about to come over and deal with him.

ScarerAndFuck · 02/10/2013 09:26

And they were in the school playground before school started, not the park after school.

But I think Pixie was showing how the mother might be telling the story to her friends.

But since Pictish had a few people commenting about how there was no need for the mother to react the way she did, she doesn't have to worry too much.

It might be a small school but most of the parents will have a good idea of what went on and who was right or wrong.

pigletmania · 02/10/2013 09:36

Pixi I totally disagree, there is absolutely no reason why that boy should kick balls over people's heads who are sitting on benches designed to sit on! It was not a stray ball, he was standing teir kkbg balls purposely over people's ears which is not acceptable as people coud get hit on the head by them. Where was his mum to correct him! Too right op spoke to him sarply seems like he need to be told as he probably does not at home. Why should seak to his mum, he needs to learn te ways of t wrld, go elp him if being spoken to made him cry, mabey he will not do such a thing next time. It takes a whole community to raise a child type of thing!

pigletmania · 02/10/2013 09:41

Head not ears doh

pixiepotter · 02/10/2013 09:46

she said she exclaimed
and why would he be crying if she didn't raise her voice

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 02/10/2013 09:46

I'm glad you didn't apologise. She needs to have a word with herself - drama queen.

I'm liking 'wee radge' :) Might have to steal that!

pigletmania · 02/10/2013 09:50

Why wait until an accident before doing something, better to prevent it in te first place!

5madthings · 02/10/2013 09:51

Exclaimed isn't yelling,'its to do with tone.

And why would he cry if she didn't yell?!! Really you need an answer to that? Some kids cry if you so much as look at them. My ds3 will cry if I tell him off, no shouting or raising my voice, he just doesn't like being told off. He may have cried as he was upset at nearly hitting the girl, he probably knew he was in the wrong and maybe felt bad. Any number of reasons why he might cry.

You seem quite insistent that the op was in the wrong, are you the boys mum?

pigletmania · 02/10/2013 09:52

Pixi some Chidren cry even if you look at tem in a stern was. The boy nearly hit her dd head fgs, op is with her right to correct the boy. He should not have been kicking balls over people's heads in te first place don't you think!

pigletmania · 02/10/2013 09:53

Op was not Yelling she used a stern tone Pixi what the hell is wrong with tat after nearly being beheaded by a blooming football!

Original poster

pictish · 02/10/2013 10:07

Nice story Pixie. It's not even a remote approximation of what actually occured yesterday, but whatever.

Thanks all - a good few people asking me this morning if I was ok after what happened yesterday...which I am. I didn't realise it at the time, but we were the talk of the playground yesterday.
I have been assured that I did not step out of line, that my reaction was restrained if anything, ("you were very polite about it!") and that the woman was out of order to speak to me as she did.

We ignored each other this morning. I'm cool with that.

OP posts:

Original poster

pictish · 02/10/2013 10:13

And Pixie I know you're determined that I shouted at the lad, but I didn't. I made it clear that I didn't shout, so I'm not sure why you think I did. You will just have to take my word for that, seeing as I am the person who didn't shout, and you weren't there.

This lad is an overprotected little prince, who isn't used to being told off. That's why he cried.
And you'll just have to take my word for that as well.

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 02/10/2013 10:16

Pixie , do you not understand the different between yelling - which is driven by anger or frustration and exclaiming - which is driven by surprise or fright.

You seem to think they are the same. They are not.

CloverkissSparklecheeks · 02/10/2013 10:45

Pixie have you even read the other posts from Pictish. Obviously she didn't shout but also you have completely fabricated a story about the little boy being sociable and loved by all - clearly not the child the OP is decribing if you have read the other posts.

This is why there are so many children who have no idea how to behave, the parents are way to precious about them, refuse to discipline them and get all shirty when someone else dares to speak to them about anything.

This is also why my DS and his whole class are having trouble with one boy and have been for the last 3 years, a parent who refuses to deal with the child's behaviour and gets shitty when anyone dares to say anything, pisses me right off, there is always an excuse, he is only 5/6/7 or 'ah what do expect from boys' etc etc!

YouTheCat · 02/10/2013 11:53

Oh god is Pixie the other mother?

LemonLies · 02/10/2013 12:20

I don't think she is the other mother as the example she gave was at the park rather than a crowded playground. You'd have to be some sort of automaton to not exclaim when you and your daughter nearly got a ball kicked in the face at point blank range.

pigletmania · 02/10/2013 12:37

I agree clover, a totally made up story, By someone who does not know the boys personality, only op and those who know him! If he bursts into tears after being told to be careful god help him, as it's a tough old world out there!

pixiepotter · 02/10/2013 12:59

Life and soul of the playground. I reckon he'll go far actually.

and ,no I am not the other mother !!
I just think if she had come on here and worded her OP as above , she would have had lots of MNers saying what a witch the OP was
We weren't there , didn't know what toned she used, but lots of MNers wouldn't like their own child being spoken to in a way that made them cry, in front of them!

everlong · 02/10/2013 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugarHut · 02/10/2013 13:15

I wrote a post as if I were the other mother right at the beginning of the thread. I'm wondering why Pixie is getting a lot of grief when I did not? They read virtually the same. We are both just trying to show how the other mother may have perceived the situation. Especially if the other mother is a little precious by nature.

Maybe the boy isn't a wimpy type that can't be told off. Maybe OP did use a tone a lot sharper than she admits and really did upset him? Maybe the boy is a precious little prince and his mother is a buffoon? The end result was OP and DD nearly got pinged by a football and a 5yr old boy was in tears. It's not like he went skipping off laughing is it. The mothers snapped at each other. Done.

All sounds a little bit mountain out of a molehill to me, nothing actually happened to OP/DD and I'm sure the boy had gotten over it before registration even started.

LemonLies · 02/10/2013 13:16

Pixie hasn't been picked on, she's just been disagreed with and people have pointed out that her version isn't consistent with the OP's.

Here Pixie, have some just in case you feel picked on.

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