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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spoken sharply to this child?

227 replies

pictish · 01/10/2013 09:53

Sitting on a bench in the playground at school this morning, chatting to a friend, with my daughter sitting on my knee.

A 5 yr old boy playing close by (like three feet away) suddenly boots his football, and it comes right for us, just skiffing the top of my daughters hair.

I exclaimed "Be careful! You almost hit her in the head!"

Next thing I know, the mother is looming over me telling me "Don't speak to my son like that! If you've got a problem then come and speak to me!"

I just looked at her aghast and then said "There was no need - it was a fairly minor incident."

She said "Well he's upset now, so next time speak to me!" and then turned heel and stalked off shaking her head.

I see this woman every single day, so I need to know....should I have spoken to her first? I really just reacted without thinking, and my manner was firm, although I certainly didn't shout.
I would have done the same no matter WHO had kicked that ball. Is that wrong?

OP posts:
Elfhame · 01/10/2013 18:02

If that were my kid I would have no issue with him being told off.

CloverkissSparklecheeks · 01/10/2013 18:02

I have a 5 YO DS and he is quite old enough to know not to play with a ball near others, he would also say sorry if he nearly hit someone by accident. I think at 5 this should be expected, they are not babies.

If he didn't say sorry I would have no problem with someone telling him to be careful, nowhere has Pictish said she yelled at him. If she had yelled then I may have commented saying that there was no need to shout especially if he had apologised. If he hadn't then I would have asked him to say sorry.

5madthings · 01/10/2013 18:05

She didn't deliberately make the kid cry, she told him to be careful.

Pictish you don't need to give a fuck, you were entirely in the right and if this woman can't see that and decides to hold a grudge or be petty about she isn't worth knowing anyway. As I said I would have tried to clear the air with her, just to be polite etc but mentally would have kept a note of ...slightly precious mother...

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 18:09

Making him cry was OTT?
How do you know? Were you there?

My son who is the same age as the lad (and in the same class) would cry under the same circumstances for sure...and that would be the consequence of being so silly!

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YouTheCat · 01/10/2013 18:36

Oh god! Is there a new mandate and kids aren't allowed to cry any more? I know an 8 year old who blubs every time he is told off for something (often, he is a bit of a bully to the younger children at school). Should he never be told off because it might make him cry?

Bizarre. Hmm

froken · 01/10/2013 18:47

Have you spoken to the teachers? I think that it is more an issue that sitting people and small children with footballs in a (I imagine) crowded playground are not a good mix.

If your dd had been hit in the face with a ball at luchtime would you go and find the child and "spoken sharply" to them? I think you need to leave responsibility of speaking to a child about their actions to the people responsible for them (unless they are doing something that is hurting another child and you need to tell them to STOP!)

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 18:48

Omg Pixi and platinum are you serious, your little Tarquinius and cressidas are going to be in for a shock in the big bad horrid world.

Omg op so he was trying to kck balls over your head andit narrowly missed you, bloody hell I would ave given the boy a telling off, he should not be doing tat. Where the hell was his helicopter mother to correct him! She only showed up when her little Tarquin was eing corrected, she is at ault op not you, don't apologise, tat boy should not have been trying to kick balls over your head!

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 18:52

It was not my intention to make him cry, I would rather he hadn't, but I wasn't vicious or OTT. He is a self assured scallywag, who was grinning his head off. My intention was to stop him from doing it again. His mum was nowhere to be seen at the time, so someone had to tell him.

Oh well.

OP posts:
MissStrawberry · 01/10/2013 18:58

Why do you feel you need to smooth things over? If you are sure you weren't being unreasonable then there is nothing to smooth over.

She is being all silly to my mind.

Scurrying off to her mates. I suspect she has exaggerated the trauma her son when through and she is needing to feel big with her friends.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 01/10/2013 18:59

I agree with you pictish

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 19:06

I agree you the cat, these are the precious mothers whose little darlings can do no wrong

everlong · 01/10/2013 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettyBotter · 01/10/2013 19:06

Oh god, how depressing that we live in a society where we can't even tell other people's children to be careful any more. Sad

everlong · 01/10/2013 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoundandRebound · 01/10/2013 19:10

This woman is going to avoid you from now on, but she was a total overprotective idiot if you ask me

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 19:12

Because it's a friendly school, very sociable, and I have no desire for an enemy, having so far accrued none - that's why I wanted to smooth it over.

People around at the time supported me and said 'there was no need for that!' regarding the way the mother spoke to me, regarding the incident.

The unexpected confrontation left me a little shaken and doubting myself that's all. In the after glow of dinner, hours later, I think I did ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 19:14

The school is very small btw. About 80 pupils in all.

OP posts:
FeckOffCup · 01/10/2013 19:15

You were not unreasonable. I spoke a bit more sharply to someone else's child this morning than I had intended when I noticed one of the older toddlers at mums and toddlers trying to put one of the dollys' dummies into the mouth of a real baby playing on the playmat, but it was more of a panicked "NO don't do that" than a telling off as I thought the baby was going to choke on it. Luckily the toddler's mum didn't take offence.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 19:17

I agree everlong, I would say the same thing

everlong · 01/10/2013 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 01/10/2013 19:19

YANBU, completely, totally and utterly NBU. Honestly, some people don't live in the real world. Your reaction is about what I'd expect from a teacher if he did that in the playground. Does this loon woman think her PFB never gets told off in school?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 01/10/2013 19:20

I would probably smooth over. If only to find out whether she really is a silly fusspot of it was a lapse

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 01/10/2013 19:20

or if it was lapse

KatyPutTheCuttleOn · 01/10/2013 19:26

I wouldn't say it was wrong but it might not do any harm to explain you said it on the spur of the moment as you were shocked. If you did of course!

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 20:02

Very spur of the moment, yes.

Was just discussing this with my family and eldest son (nearly 12) said "Oh yes...I know xxxx (the lad). He was in the park a while ago, throwing bark in people's faces. Xxxx (ds's friend) told his mum and asked her to stop him because his wee sister got it in her eye. 5 minutes later...still throwing bark. He's a wee radge."

I shall sleep tonight. Wink Grin

OP posts: