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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hovering somewhere between livid & terrified (DH gone AWOL!)

163 replies

BleedinEck · 30/09/2013 20:26

I called DH this afternoon to remind him I'm out on a course tonight & ask him to put DC's dinner in the oven as he was due home first. Mid conversation his phone cuts out but as I'd said everything I needed to I just assumed he was with a customer & didn't call back. I arrived home at 7pm with starving & tired DC to find the house in darkness & raw chicken sat in the fridge Confused

He's still not answering his phone or replying to texts, my course started an hour ago & kids had to have beans on toast.

DH does have form for disappearing (50% of the time to the pub the other 50% work related) so my initial reaction is to be fucking furious but as time goes on I'm starting to get worried that something awful has happened. Should I start ringing his mates/work colleagues or sit it out a bit longer!?

OP posts:
Lilyloo · 30/09/2013 22:25

Dp staying in the pub and not putting dinner on , I would be mad but would work it out.
Dp making me miss a course because he was in the pub , I would be furious and would be questioning his respect of me and the way I contribute to the relationship.

FavoriteThings · 30/09/2013 22:25

The way you have been handling things and have handled things up to now seems ok to me.
But he does need to sort out his work issues somehow. Sounds like you will both work things out to me. Hope so.

QuintessentialShadows · 30/09/2013 22:28

What a tool.

So, he makes up for failing in his work by being incompetent as a husband and father too.

I would honestly send him packing. You dont need this.

It is end of quarter, so he will need to file a vat return. If he has no clue regards to income and outgoings in the last three months, he will be in trouble. Without the receipts he wont be able to reclaim vat, for his expenditure. It will skew his annual accounts as without receipts/invoices for expenses, his tax will be higher due to his profits appearing higher. He will be in a mess.

morethanpotatoprints · 30/09/2013 22:29

OP.
Ok what's done is done, but you can't let it happen again.
My dh was s/e now LTD company and swamped with admin, he too is not good at it.
Your dh isn't going to get better going to the pub after work.
Can you both do some paperwork once a week when dc have gone to bed? It's not too bad if you keep on top of it.

The rest of it you have to tell him exactly what you expect and what the deal breakers are, he sounds old fashioned which is fine if that's what you want, but even old fashioned blokes kept in touch even if they were arseholes. Up until now you have accepted his wandering off, I would be telling him next time will be his last. You work hard too and deserve to complete your course. The pub option should be there for both of you when the household responsibilities are done for the day.
I am so Angry and Shock on your behalf.

Fairenuff · 30/09/2013 22:31

Wait, that doesn't add up at all.

He knew he had to feed the children.

He knew that!

He left them hungry and went to the pub.

I honestly don't know how you can have him in the house after neglecting them like that.

QuintessentialShadows · 30/09/2013 22:32

How old are the children, and how long had he left them alone for?

LayMeDown · 30/09/2013 22:32

So he really is just a selfish prick who doesn't give a fuck about you? He doesn't even have the 'excuse' of being an addict. He would just rather please himself and so fucking what if that means letting you down.
Did his phone dying erase the memory from his head about your ourselves and the kids dinner? How can he even fucking charge a phone in the car while in the pub? Did he leave the car running? And if ignoring calls isn't his style then how has he done disappearing acts before? Does he regularly leave his phone charging in the car while he knows you'll be trying to contact him? Because that's the same as ignoring calls in my book.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2013 22:32

When he is in a grotty bedsit by himself, he will have plenty of time to drink with his fuckwit buddies sort out his paperwork, won't he ?

he really needs to know that prospect is on the table, or you are simply going to be waiting for this to happen again

just like it has before, and before that...right ?

QuintessentialShadows · 30/09/2013 22:33

"How can he even fucking charge a phone in the car while in the pub?" He hung up on you. And left the phone off in the car.
Did he drink drive home?

PractialJoke · 30/09/2013 22:34

So, he was in the pub not drinking and didn't come home to feed dc and allow you to go on your course. He doesn't even have the" excuse"that he was drunk?!

Sorry but I'm starting to think ow. Either that or serious mh issues.

LayMeDown · 30/09/2013 22:35

Your course not your ourselves.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/09/2013 22:35

Why on earth doesn't he use an accountant?

But what a selfish prat to not bother sorting some dinner out for his own DCs, what did he say about that? At some point he took the conscious decision to go and have a pint instead of cooking dinner for his young children. That is frankly disgusting.

sweetestcup · 30/09/2013 22:36

Right so being stressed at work (arent we all) is his excuse then, mmm.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/09/2013 22:37

LayMeDown our car has a 12 volt plug in the boot which runs off the battery even while the car is off and locked, so it is a very possible thing to do.

Original poster
BleedinEck · 30/09/2013 22:39

Fairenuff I was out with DC at their various activities DH was meant to put dinner in the oven he didn't leave them home alone.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 30/09/2013 22:46

Thank goodness he did not leave the kids home alone hungry!

pantsonbackwards · 30/09/2013 22:48

What's his excuse for making you miss your course?

Fairenuff · 30/09/2013 22:51

But he still knew that he had to cook their dinner.

And yes, how does he charge his phone in the car when he's in the pub?

His story gets fishier by the minute.

But your going to let him get away with it. Again. Sad

Ah well, it's your life and at least he's not hitching his cart to some other poor woman Smile

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 30/09/2013 22:56

This reply has been deleted

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CatAmongThePigeons · 30/09/2013 22:57

Please don't tell me he had driven under the influence.

Sallystyle · 30/09/2013 23:04

Well he sounds like an arse.

I would still wonder if he had a drink problem. You don't need to drink daily to have a drink problem.

Chippednailvarnish · 30/09/2013 23:08

If you think your DH is a wanker, it's because he is a wanker...

manticlimactic · 30/09/2013 23:09

Oh & his phone died mid-conversation & he left it on charge in the car whilst he was at the pub which does make sense

Bollocks. The phone will not charge unless he left the engine running Hmm

Ezio · 30/09/2013 23:09

And would finding a payphone and ringing you have been such a hard task?

No he'd just rather get pissed, let his kids get hungry, wife miss her course and worry her arse off.

What a dick.

humphryscorner · 30/09/2013 23:09

School girl error posting about dh while needing to vent in AIBU......... Anyone posting about their relationship on this side normally get told.....

  1. LTB is is an abuser
  2. he should leave you, you are an abuser.