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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hovering somewhere between livid & terrified (DH gone AWOL!)

163 replies

BleedinEck · 30/09/2013 20:26

I called DH this afternoon to remind him I'm out on a course tonight & ask him to put DC's dinner in the oven as he was due home first. Mid conversation his phone cuts out but as I'd said everything I needed to I just assumed he was with a customer & didn't call back. I arrived home at 7pm with starving & tired DC to find the house in darkness & raw chicken sat in the fridge Confused

He's still not answering his phone or replying to texts, my course started an hour ago & kids had to have beans on toast.

DH does have form for disappearing (50% of the time to the pub the other 50% work related) so my initial reaction is to be fucking furious but as time goes on I'm starting to get worried that something awful has happened. Should I start ringing his mates/work colleagues or sit it out a bit longer!?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 30/09/2013 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FacebookWanker · 30/09/2013 21:29

He is really selfish Angry

Wishfulmakeupping · 30/09/2013 21:30

Selfish bastard. You need to seriously sort him out OP he can't get away with carrying on like that- dont let it go make sure you tell him exactly how selfish his actions were- make him listen

ImpatientOne · 30/09/2013 21:31

Angry on your behalf OP

Lj8893 · 30/09/2013 21:32

What a fucking prick!!!!

I agree with others, sorry just isn't good enough.

CaptainSweatPants · 30/09/2013 21:32

That's awful op :(

Turniptwirl · 30/09/2013 21:33

I'm glad he's ok but sorry he's such a wanker!

DC having beans on toast won't hurt, but you missing a course you'd told him about so he could go to the pub is atrocious behaviour and shows he has issues with priorities (especially since he had form). What if it wasn't a course? What if it was picking up another DC from an afte school activity after younger sib was in bed? Or visiting an ill elderly relative?

Have serious words with him OP, this is not acceptable at all

BettyBotter · 30/09/2013 21:33

Sounds like he has a drinking problem to me.

When drinking takes priority over other things and starts messing up people's lives, it's a serious problem.

FavoriteThings · 30/09/2013 21:40

I guessed that that was were he would be.
Glad he is sorry. But I dont think he is going to change his behaviour any time soon is he?
Does he have money worries or other worries?

FavoriteThings · 30/09/2013 21:41

Personally I would have scooped up the kids, and gone to the pub looking for him. Yes he would have been embarassed, but he would think more than twice about doing it next time.

eggyweggies · 30/09/2013 21:41

I don't think you can rely and depend on this man in any way whatsoever.

I'm so sorry OP.

ArbitraryUsername · 30/09/2013 21:44

Is there some reason that he objects to you going on your course?

PractialJoke · 30/09/2013 21:46

So, do you think he really hung up on you when the phone cut out. Did he never have any intention of being there when you needed him? You say he has form, him often? How on earth is he trying to justify this?

LovesBeingOnHoliday · 30/09/2013 21:50
Shock
ILoveAnyFucker · 30/09/2013 21:53

DFather is an alcoholic and did this so many times when we were kids. This is triggering me like stink and I could cry tears of sheer impotent rage on your behalf. If he has form, and sorry to turn all LTB on you, but do consider what it's doing to your self esteem and your kids to live like this.

5madthings · 30/09/2013 21:58

Omg what an arsehole, so he knew you had a course and he had to be home and he fucked off to the pub!!!

I bet his phone didn't cut out, he hung up when you called to remind him because he didn't want to come home, selfish arshole, sorry but this kind off behaviour would be a deal breaker for her.

5madthings · 30/09/2013 21:59

..for me...

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 30/09/2013 22:01

Jesus what an intolerable arsehole

You know this won't ever stop, don't you?

TigOldBitties · 30/09/2013 22:09

As an individual event not that bigger deal, I meanwde all had beans on toast by choice tonight.

I would be vey annoyed about missing the course though.

However as a repeat offence then yes totally unacceptable.

I'd get him sorted with an iphone or similar so you can track him down and keep him up to date with events like your course so that there's really no excuse.

LayMeDown · 30/09/2013 22:11

Let me get this straight. He hung up on you when you rang to remind him about your course and the fact he would have to get dinner on for the kids. Then instead of doing what was needed of him as a father and a supportive partner he fucked off to the pub? Leaving his children hungry and you to miss your course? And to make it even fucking worse he didn't answer his phone therefore causing you untold stress and anxiety?
What an arsehole. Fucking hell I can't even imagine what sort of person behaves like this. Certainly not the sort of person I would want to married to that's for sure. He has form you say? So not a once off?
The only way back from this for me would be if he gave up drinking immediately and permanently, otherwise he could fuck right off.

Finola1step · 30/09/2013 22:15

Laymedown has got it spot on.

OneStepCloser · 30/09/2013 22:18

My dear, leave (or make him leave) or you will be putting up with this forever, he will not change, I`m sorry but you and your dcs are worth more Thanks

Original poster
BleedinEck · 30/09/2013 22:19

Can't sleep Hmm He doesn't have a drink problem - he might have a pint sometimes just a half but not every time & certainly not daily. It's just the social aspect of popping into his 'local' & so many cronies do literally go in all night every night so no doubt he feels virtuous for just popping in for a quick drink a few times a week & if I had to guess I'd say once or twice a month he overstays or doesn't come straight home from work despite me constantly saying I don't mind you going out but come home, see me/the DC first then go out as by 6pm I could do with a hand.

We've had a massive row (in the garden so the kids won't hear - no near neighbours Wink) & I've made it crystal clear he either gets his act together & puts his family first or leaves. He starts crying says he's swamped/overwhelmed by work & drowning in paperwork (this is probably true as he has a good business but is dire at admin) & has a vat/tax (?) deadline looming and has been going to the pub as a way of hiding from the work..... yardy fucking yardy. It might be true but it all just sounds like bollocks excuses for being a selfish prickAngry
Honestly we've never rowed like this before & it's just horrible but I can't live a life wondering if/when he might turn up when he says he will Hmm . I've had to nip out for an hour to help a friend so hopefully a bit of space will help & we can discuss things a bit more rationally when I get back.

OP posts:
Original poster
BleedinEck · 30/09/2013 22:22

Oh & his phone died mid-conversation & he left it on charge in the car whilst he was at the pub which does make sense. I'm not saying it makes the disappearing act any better but hanging up on me or ignoring my calls really isn't his style.

OP posts:
Cornishpasty2 · 30/09/2013 22:23

Hope all ok but if it is he'd better have a bloody good excuse!! x