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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
pudseypie · 30/09/2013 20:14

I really think you shouldn't speak to him until you have spoken with cab tomorrow. Tell him its not convenient and you need him to stop pressuring you while you clear your head. You need a couple of days to sort out what you are going to do, please don't rush into anything just cos he and his family are pressuring you and being general arseholes.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 21:04

Should I go to CAB tomorrow, when I've had this advice from a. Solicitor today?

OP posts:
olgaga · 30/09/2013 21:10

I would tell him you're busy trying to sortvthongs out and will speak to hom when you're ready. If the tenancy is in your name I don't see why you can't get a locksmith in.

Neither he nor his mum & dad have the right to boot you out like that. They'll have to take proceedings against you.

I don't think you should waste a single moment worrying about any threats over your DD. It would look a bit silly with this in the background.

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/09/2013 21:22

Tbh the advice you have had today has come from a qualified solicitor who has had access to all the info you have given them you are not going to get any different or better advice from the CAB regarding that aspect,but they can help you with benefit claims ect so you may decide its worth going for that.

However you do not have to engage with your ex or his family now there is nothing wrong with saying I am not ready to discus this now I will deal with it in due course. If he pressures you then that's harassing you.

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/09/2013 21:23

Oh and if its solely in your name and you are not married you do not have to let him in and he has no right of entry.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 21:28

I do want to keep things as civil as possible, he's always going to be in my life because of DD.

I don't know what to do now. I know council isn't my only option but I don't have the savings to out down for a big bond and first months rent on a private house and I don't want to move private and in 6m or so get told I have to leave. I feel like if I get a council house somewhere I can decorate it and get me and add my settled and no it's always ours and know one can take it away from us? Have I made any sense?

I'm worried about being here and it stopping me from moving on I my head, and XP thinking he can come and go as he pleases. I think it would be best to stay he for DDs sake because she's settled, she has the space but I'm not sure if I'm mentally strong enough with everything that's going on, one minute I feel so weak and can't stop crying then the next I feel stronger but it's horrible

OP posts:
ohnoimnot · 30/09/2013 21:32

Oh Im so sorry to read this FOTR. Sending you hugs xx

Hissy · 30/09/2013 21:44

Forget civil, he's engineering to fling out and your DD on the street.

If he wants you out, he has to pay the 6m upfront deposit and rental for a new place, at the very least! And as long as you can secure an agreement and a new tenancy.

If not, then don't engage with him, don't leave, don't let him in, and refuse to budge.

Atm you have ALL the power in your hands. You leave with nothing you've lot it all.

As long as you're the sole tenant you have the law to protect you, and the courts. You have the council options for housing.

You do what he's telling you to do and you lose it all.

This is no time to be polite. He's about to make you and his DD homeless.

Please see this?

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/09/2013 21:55

So just tell him politely that your not able to sort stuff out now

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 30/09/2013 22:02

What ever you do DONT move out.

In fact where is the tenancy agreement kept, go and find it and store it somewhere else. Because I bet the bastards and wanking outlaws wouldn't hesitate in getting those legal documents and destroying them.

Protect yourself, stay put and ride it out to the bitter end.

pudseypie · 01/10/2013 09:47

yes agree with last post, in fact I think you should only keep a copy of the tenancy agreement in the home and give the original to a friend to look after. You should not have to move out, you are the tenant not him and your dd is the most important consideration here. Only move as and when you are ready and have something suitable. What kind of a man would throw his child and mother of his child out onto the street? You deserve so much better.

rosieposey78 · 01/10/2013 10:00

My worry op is will your name being on the tenancy agreement cause issues re homeless bit. Definitely get expert advice. Your ex and his parents are horrible and I agree you should get half.

rosieposey78 · 01/10/2013 10:01

Also agree that staying put might be a better move. Also advice re tenancy agreement good.

Mindmaps · 01/10/2013 10:28

I know it is hard but you need go grow some Armour quick for your daughters sake - you have been given spot on advice here - take it. Tell him and his parents to jog on, change the locks and look after your daughters best interests.

FrightRider · 01/10/2013 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

insomniac63 · 01/10/2013 12:00

i registered here just to talk to you.Iwent through similar about 10 yrs ago can't give any advice thats has been covered better than i could do it.Ijust want to say that you will get through it. I was so isolated then i wish there had been something like this available to me I would be in a better position now.Please take the support and advice available, forget that you love him, he will probably use that against you dont let them bully you.I don't know what else to say I'm new to this and this is the first thing i've ever posted. Know that you're not alone and that people care and will help you

Beastofburden · 01/10/2013 12:04

far take a step back.

You are grabbing at one-off ideas and then getting very scared if they don't immediately work out. What you need is OPTIONS.

(a) Getting a council house/flat. Excellent if you can. There is a process for emergency need, which you have started to engage with; and then there are waiting lists which you would have some priority for anyway. If you find out some more about the ways to get a Council house without being an emergency, this will help with the feeling of being trapped in an all-or-nothing situation, where you can't leave and you can't stay.

(b) Private rental with housing benefit and the like. Dont reject it out of hand- lots of people do it. Housing associations can be excellent. It may even be a route to shared ownership, or a way to a Council house later.

(c) Staying as the tenant where you are. Only a short-term option I would say, as it is too personally draining. But up to the end of your lease, you have the right to stay put without changes in your rental or harassment. You would be very silly to leave before the end of your lease, and it puts you in a bad position for emergency help with housing, so don't.

(d) Working or SAHM? over what period? it is time to make a five year plan for when DD is back at school and you may come under some pressure to return to work. What do you want for yourself and DD in five or ten years' time? Could it include some retraining now, if you hate your job? I think you will feel better when you have a sense of your own future, independent of any future relationship, not tied to the immediate crisis.

Getting some excellent advice here online, but nothing beats a sympathetic real life shoulder and a cup of tea. Can you go to see someone to help mentor you through this?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 01/10/2013 12:15

Thank you for all the help.

I do want to stay for the 2m but I can't afford too. He said he won't help with the rent because benefits would cover it but with all the bills I would only be left with £20 a week if that! But I know he wants me to move out so he can move in so that's why he's reluctant when e has previously offered to let me stay. He's told me to claim benefits for the 2m notice period and stay at my mums and keep the money so he can move in and he'll pay the bills which I said no to straight away, I'm not comfortable lying about all that.

OP posts:
humphryscorner · 01/10/2013 12:16
Shock PIL should be ashamed of them selfs and sound like you had a dam good escsape from OH. The law is in your side here, so breath and get the legal advice posted on here.

I would keep every thing your dd uses x

Norudeshitrequired · 01/10/2013 12:19

Won't housing benefit cover the rent? If housing benefit covers the rent at the current agreed amount then pay that amount for the two months.
You will get council tax benefit if you are not working so make sure that you claim that.
Makes sure you go the the CSA to get maintenance for your daughter.

I don't think you should be bullied out of your home or feel forced to leave immediately because of the financial situation.
Do not make any hasty decisions until you are sure what the benefits will cover.

Beastofburden · 01/10/2013 12:33

far dont let him drag you into benefit fraud. He is clearly dodgy- don't go there yourself. You are going to need to use the benefits system for many years, you can't afford to get a reputation or a record for fraud.

He has got the Daily Fail attitude that says that benefits money grows on trees and all you have to do is reach up and help yourself. He may be stupid and greedy, or it may be helping him feel less guilty. Or both.

If you can't afford the rent for the two months, that may help with the emergency housing thing. Can you go back to the CAB/ Shelter person and talk to them?

Get as much data and proof as you can of his income and assets while you are still in that house. You will need them for when he lies to the child support agency.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 01/10/2013 13:17

Housing benefit almost completely covers the rent and with everything else ill get and bills there won't be alot left but I've said I'm staying there for as much of the 2m as possible because in the long run it will be better for me and DD.

I don't think he's overly happy about it but he said okay so it makes it easier for him to go along with it then fight me. He said he's bringing papers for me to sign tonight which I've said okay but I'm not signing until they e been checked because I don't know why I would need to sign anything if there just informing me of rent increase or whatever.

OP posts:
Hissy · 01/10/2013 13:22

Do NOT sign anything! Take the papers from him at the door, and then close it on him!
Do NOT let him in!

MrsMongoose · 01/10/2013 13:24

Bollocks that you can't have the white goods. If you bought them 50-50, you take them 50-50. And if he doesn't like that, you take a chainsaw to them, 50-50.

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/10/2013 13:28

No no no NO NO

Do not sign anything please don't you could be agreeing to all sorts that may make it very easy for them to stitch you right up.

There is no legit or normal reason for you to have to sign anything at this stage unless he is trying to get you to agree with something that will disadvantage you so he can show that you agreed. Seriously break down in relationship and a normal single tenancy has no normal reason to be signing stuff so don't

He is preying on your trust and vulnerability.

Oh and as the pp said csa quickly you can add another 15% of his income on top of your benefits.