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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
jeanmiguelfangio · 02/10/2013 09:01

What a jackass!! Just wanted to say you are doing brilliantly and you are a credit to your daughter. She is very lucky to have you.
They have to go through the proper channels in order to evict you and please know that with a tenancy agreement it is impossible for them to up the rent immediately.

digerd · 02/10/2013 09:51

I wouldn't sign anything at all as they all sound dodgy and would not trust them.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 02/10/2013 10:16

I signed the holiday and refused to sign his letter to say I've received the letter and he got a bit nasty and said if I don't sign it then he won't help me with the rent so I've got to CAB

OP posts:
Ledkr · 02/10/2013 13:13

Omg. He's such I cunt. Whole he's trying to rinse you and get everything he wants, does he show interest in his child at all?
Will you get the holiday money do you think?
I feel so sorry for you but happy that your life is going to be far richer eventually not tied to this truly scummy man.
His old is he btw?

pudseypie · 02/10/2013 13:26

what's the letter about? Don't see there could be anything for you to sign. Did he give you the money yet?

Hissy · 02/10/2013 14:48

Get your arse down to CAB right now and get housing benefit sorted, for this house, and then you can tell him to FTFO AND take the holiday.

Have you changed the locks yet?

This is going to get SERIOUSLY ugly, be ready! Don't think he'll hold back, cos he won't.

You really are better off without him, and so is your DD.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 02/10/2013 15:12

I got the money for the holiday before I signed for it. I haven't changed the locks but I'm tempted too.

He's phoned me to say he's coming to take some of his half of the things we agreed on Monday and I've said it's not fair it will leave me as DD without and seems as he's moving back into the house it all should be left there until I'm gone but apparently I'm being unfair and he's taking it anyway Hmm

He's hurting me so much. I miss him but don't want too, I love him but don't want too. It's so hard. I feel like everytime I try and shake sense into myself he does something to undo it all. Why can't he jus leave me alone and let me be? He's breaking my heart more and more

OP posts:
digerd · 02/10/2013 15:15

So, he got nasty when you didn't all for his bullshit. That is typical tactics of dodgy/cowboy tradesmen. I have had enough experience of how they workAngry. He is unscrupulous. Don't believe anything he says. But your ILs, DD's GPs, I am horrified at. How could they behave like that too?Shock

digerd · 02/10/2013 15:15

fall not all.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 02/10/2013 15:17

I'm not a bad person. All I wanted was my little family together and to be happy and a quite life. It breaks my heart see'ing other babies with both parents and knowing I don't have that any more and neither will DD

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 02/10/2013 15:24

I agree with HappyMummy and BrokenSunglasses - its all very emotive, but there is no automatic entitlement to take everything - where would you put stuff like white goods and how would you move them, for one thing?

You have at least got a tenancy agreement, your landlords have not yet evicted you but have told you there will be a rent increase should your tenancy continue. Your choice is therefore to pay the increase or move out (which may be best if you feel uncomfortable in the situation). You seem to have the choice of moving in with your mother or renting yourself, so it might be best to look for fully furnished accommodation, and negotiate a price for your share of the white goods if they remain in situ.

You will be entitled to child support, but if you are on maternity leave you need to inform your work that you do not intend to return, and look for a new job. Why can't you return to the old job?

Its unusual that so many people around you are acting so harshly towards you, as your landlords seem not unreasonable in that you have an actual tenancy agreement and have not been evicted thus far.

Hissy · 02/10/2013 15:36

Is this a man that deserves a family?

Seriously?

Change the locks and DON'T let him take a THING!

Côme on love, stand up for yourself and DD! (((hug)))

Hissy · 02/10/2013 16:44

Thing is... the LL can increase the rent, OP can get HB to cover it, most of it.

I dare say she'd have a case with bringing legal action if the rent rise was excessive, and her council housing dept might be able to advise.

In any event, if forced to accept a rise, the LL can't evict on rent arrears until the TT is over 2months full rent in arrears, so paying enough to prevent reaching the magic figure will prevent the LL from serving notice due to non-payment.

The LL can of course evict for any reason, but must give 2 rental calendar months.

The TT doesn't need to give 2m, only 1, but that would make them voluntarily homeless, and exempt from council help.

Best to delay and dig in as much as poss, hunker down, change locks and communicate ONLY through solicitors (or CAB for you.

Don't allow this prick to do this. You need to get agreements on maintenance and a pay off if he wants rid of you.

Is he cheating? Anyone doing this amount of harm has to have another object of desire...

DPotter · 02/10/2013 17:22

How are things, Far ? Do you have any RL friends you can call into to be with you ? Things would seem a lot less scary with a friend by your side. You mentioned your Mum in the op could she come over and spend some time with you ?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 02/10/2013 17:28

My mum an friends have been brilliant and my mums staying with me for a few days. I just hate feeling like this. One minute I'm okay then next my hearts breaking. I'm so angry that he gave up on us and our family and now were never gunna get to do the things we had planned. That's so hard to get my head around. It just hurts so much

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 02/10/2013 17:29

Have they given you an official and legal section 21 notice? If not, I would not move until you have received it. You would be liable for rent still if you "abandon" your rental.

They cant increase your rent by more than the inflation rate.

What about your deposit? Is there a deposit? If so, it should be in a protected scheme.

Is the gas safety certificate up to date? This is a legal requirement.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 02/10/2013 17:34

I got my section 21 notice and I've taken it to the council and started that ball rolling. I don't have a deposit thankfully. And the boiler is checked every year

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 02/10/2013 17:35

ok. Good.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 02/10/2013 18:19
Sad
OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 02/10/2013 18:21

I mean, good in the sense that they are not trying to make you move out and then continuing screwing you over for rent. They are screwing you enough as it is. Angry

QuintessentialShadows · 02/10/2013 18:21

And good that balls are rolling. (should be heads. theirs)

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 02/10/2013 18:23

How do I stop my head being so messed up?

OP posts:
Ledkr · 02/10/2013 18:26

Sweety it does feel like that at first and you feel as if you are literally broken in two.
HOWEVER! Pretty soon anger will kick in and you will be furious and really glad you stood up to him.
He is a seriously vile little man and you can see where he gets it from (pil)
You will have your little family back when he's out of your life and you will have dd and your mum and friends.
A family isn't just mum dad and two point 4 kids, it's people who love and support each other.
Life will be lovely again I promise.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 02/10/2013 18:34

He use to be such a great person and we use to have a great relationship and that's what I can't let go of. I know there's alot of bad but I still love him and can't understand how he can just walk away from me who he's ment to love and his child.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 02/10/2013 18:37

Get on to the CSA tomorrow.