WIBU to move out and take everything

[FarOverTheRainbow]

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

ps I have been bullied today by someone in a professional capacity. I felt sick and frightened, even though I knew I was being bullied. So I got a small drop of what you must be feeling. Keep going, those feelings will lessen as you realise he is not all he cracks himself up to be, and he doesn't have the power to do the things he threatens.

I'm just worried with all the lies he keeps telling he will make me look the mental one to SS and I can't risk them taking DD away from me I don't want to be known to SS and labelling DD as at risk. They lie so much and there so twisted what if they believe them

And I don't think they'll be any empty threats after tomorrow they are going to set out to hurt and cause meas much trouble and damage as they can

Please speak to Womens Aid again. I also do not think that the police have been helpful enough.

My Ex was able to be oh so charming and believeable too so I understand how worrying it is when they are able to twist things. I really doubt though that SS would take your baby away from you.

Keep going. There will be light at the end of the tunnel.

The police can't do anything though

Don't be disheartened. I don't know the wording of the texts, but if they weren't actually threatening you with physical harm I can see why the police couldn't act.

Just keep going. If anyone actually turns up at your house and threatens you, call the police. I wouldn't worry about your phone if you have gone into itunes and switched the tracking off it should be fine. Just make a list of the things that need to be done, and work on them. Don't give him any more thought than you have to!

Any ideas of what I should say in the text I have to send tomorrow?

What is happening tomorrow, is he due to have visitation?

How would he respond if you suggested he took parenting classes? Because if he doesn't understand a one year old should be in a nappy he needs them!

I would say 'I spoke with the HV about the fact that you bring her back with no nappy on and her clothes soaked through, (and any other examples) and she says I should stop access because you are not able to meet her basic needs.'

Then if he starts court proceedings, so be it. You'll cross that bridge when you come to it.

Yeh. He's due to have her tomorrow and has said if with hold his child from him then he has already contacted his solicitor with instructions and he will phone them to set everything off so I better not do it tomorrow.

The police have told me I never to ge very clear cut and make sure there is no confusion that he is not to contact me in any way again other then through a solicitor and they said this way ispf he does it's clearly harassment

Let him 'set everything off'. Court proceedings would take months.

To be very clear-cut, say something like, 'On advice from my Health Visitor, unfortunately I must stop your visitation because you are not meeting her basic needs.'

If you don't have a solicitor now, ask advice from the local group Women's Aid put you in touch with, just call them and say that you are coming in for a chat next week, but could they recommend a decent local family lawyer.

Whatever you say (someone more useful will no doubt be along soon), keep it matter of fact and unemotional. Don't get drawn in to conversation either, he'll just wind himself up even more.

Get advice. Call WA!

Then send him a text to say that you're not going to allow him to threaten, harass or intimidate you.

Tell him that he is not to contact you in anyway, directly or indirectly.

Tell him that you will involve the police.

He can't be arsed to care for her when he does have her. Tell him that you'll not be exposing her to harm or neglect.

Be strong.

Get yourself into a refuge if you can. That'll give you the respite from him that you both need.

ShinyBauble's wording is good. Factual, unemotional, non-conversational.

"On advice from my Health Visitor, unfortunately I must stop your visitation because you are not meeting dd's basic needs."

You can add "Please contact me through your solicitor only."

Then do what Baubles said. Call WA and ask them to recommend a solicitor to you.

I've tried to get gold of wa but there busy he's texted twice this morning just saying XXX at XX time which I've just ignored

Oh god today is going to be awful

Text Back

"After taking professional advise I regret that the arrangement for both tomorrow and future visitation is cancelled forthwith. I would request that you make no further contact with myself save via your solicitor"

You have to do this. You have a duty of care to your child to do this.

How are things so far this morning? Have you spoken to WA yet?

What about the local centre they put you in touch with? It's best not to just ignore, text and let him know it's not happening.

Okay I've spoken to WA and they were very helpful again.

I've just wrote this text "I regret that I am going to have to stop all future contact between you and DD after taking professional advice. Please do not contact me in any way. Not by text, phone, email or any other third parties other then a solicitor. Please do not get any one to approach me or if we ever see each other in public please do not contact me or DD. I do not want any more contact with you"

That okay?

Perfect!

I typed the bloody thing out and forgot to press send but sill sent it before I was due to
Meet him

Wow I'm nervous! Had a message of his dad wanting to fit my smoke alarm Friday, I don't think that's going to be a good idea

Hopefully someone will be along with the legalities of it all. If he must be allowed access it would probably be a good idea if a friend let him in and texted you once he'd gone.

Brilliant, brilliant text, well done!!

Why he wants to come Friday days before I move out I don't know

Well done! Perfect.