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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Badly behaved twin and party invite

151 replies

PMDD · 29/09/2013 08:05

My dd will be having a party in a few weeks to be held at home. There are 15 invites, about 10 from her class (of 30) and another 5 from various other classes/years. A mixture of girls and boys, although mainly girls.

One of the children is a girl with a twin brother who is in a different class. My dd has invited the girl but not the boy. The reason is that the boy is increadibly badly behaved and would be a nightmare to manage.

The mother of the twins has asked if her son can come as well as her daughter, as her daughter is invited places but not her son and it is difficult for her to manage. I really really don't want him to come. More to the point, neither does my dd. All because of his behaviour.

I am really annoid to be put in this position by the twins mother.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 29/09/2013 08:07

Ask dd if she wants the girl there & her brother or possibly have the girl not come & answer mum accordingly.

SoupDragon · 29/09/2013 08:09

How old are they?

Personally I think the mother has to understand that her twins will not always both be invited to things and she has to learn to deal with it.

MortifiedAdams · 29/09/2013 08:09

I think its rude to ask.if a non-invited sibling can tag along at a party.

Just say "sorry, we dont have much room,.so DD has asked only those who she is close to".

ICameOnTheJitney · 29/09/2013 08:10

You don't have to invite him. It's a shame for him but he's not well behaved so he won't get invited will he....just tell the Mum no...your numbers are final and sorry but he can't come.

ICameOnTheJitney · 29/09/2013 08:10

Soup they're ten.

Retroformica · 29/09/2013 08:10

Apologise like mad but say quite a few people have asked already but you are telling everyone theres a strict no siblings rule. Just want to keep it as small as possible.

SoupDragon · 29/09/2013 08:10

It's not that difficult to manage. As a lone parent of 3, I've had to juggle their invites many times.

SoupDragon · 29/09/2013 08:11

Soup they're ten.

There is absolutely no reason for the brother to come then! Surely she just drops the daughter and takes the son away?! Confused

Bearbehind · 29/09/2013 08:13

Just say no, why should you have to deal with someone else's badly behaved child just so the mother doesn't have to.

Original poster
PMDD · 29/09/2013 08:16

The children are 6. Only 10 have been invited from my dd class.

OP posts:
Jenny70 · 29/09/2013 08:16

10! She is having a laugh, tell her you're sorry but can't add extras to the party numbers... at 4 perhaps, 5 at a stetch, but 10 - he is either at secondary or will be next year, hardly a child!!!!!

HappyAsASandboy · 29/09/2013 08:17

I would say that you can't accommodate any additional children.

As a mum of twins, I would never ask if the other child could attend the party. You would t do it for differently aged siblings (would you?) so why for twins?

For the record, my twins are nearly three. They've only been invited to a handful of parties, but there has been one party where only one twin was invited. I took DS to the party, and DH took DD out to town and had an exciting afternoon. They were very excited to share stories afterwards!

RobotHamster · 29/09/2013 08:17

Say no. V rude of her to ask imo.

Chopchopbusybusy · 29/09/2013 08:18

I'd go with what retro said. That you've been asked if other siblings can come and have already had to say no to them. It's cheeky of her TBH.

Jenny70 · 29/09/2013 08:18

Sorry, cross post. At 6 I could understand, but still say no. Her dd won't need her to stay surely, so she can take ds somewhere else.

Sokmonsta · 29/09/2013 08:18

Gosh at 10 she needs to manage her son's expectations. He cannot possibly be expected to be invited to a party just because his twin sister is there.

I'm assuming mum only has the twins. It sounds like she needs some help managing his behaviour as I'd put money on family having lumped them together as 'the twins' for so long, her son has possibly not developed his own identity and cannot see himself as separate from his sister.

As a mum of twins and two older dc, if never expect all of them to be invited to someone's birthday party and they've a damn cheek to ask.

Stick to the line that dd is having her closest friends and you cannot accommodate any more than that.

Retroformica · 29/09/2013 08:19

I think it's rude that the mum asked. Also i can't see why anyone would push for a set of twins doing the exact same parties/activities etc. Especially aged 10 siblings should have a better attitude to non party attending. All children at some point have to come to terms with not attending a party.

Original poster
PMDD · 29/09/2013 08:19

The mum has just been approached by school to have her son tested for ADHD. They think that there are behavioural problems rather than just badly behaved. I am not surprised. However, even if his behaviour is beyond his control and not his fault, I don't see why I should have to put up with it in my house.

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 29/09/2013 08:19

just say nicely that there isnt room your terriable sorry but youv had to turn overs away as well.

i have friends who think if one child is invited the other should be.. i just dont get it really.

ICameOnTheJitney · 29/09/2013 08:20

Oh sorry! I confused things by saying they were ten! I think it's hard for a 6 year old.... :( and he's so young that maybe he should get a chance.

Chopchopbusybusy · 29/09/2013 08:21

Jenny70. A 10 year old is still a child! I don't agree that he should be included in the party invite but he is definitely a child!

Retroformica · 29/09/2013 08:21

Even my 6 year old understands about not attending parties.

MrsHoratioNelson · 29/09/2013 08:21

6 is still plenty old enough to understand that you don't get invited to the same things as your sister especially if your behaviour is bad

Ideal opportunity for the mother of this boy to explain this, you'd have thought, but I expect that is too much to hope for...

Dawndonnaagain · 29/09/2013 08:24

I too am a Mum of twins. I have never expected them to be invited to things together and have never asked that they are. They are individuals and it's not up for discussion, with anyone. You do not have to have somebody to the party who is not invited. The answer is, I'm terribly sorry, I can't do this, we are limited on numbers. That's it.

Suzieismyname · 29/09/2013 08:24

Just say no. Tell the other mum that you're not including any other siblings.