Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be mad at DH for spoiling the evening?

502 replies

TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 00:05

It's been a long week for both of us. Long hours at work for him and me at home with dd1 (4) and dd2 (10 months).

DH rang earlier to say he's taking us out to dinner to our favourite Chinese restaurant which is in a huge shopping mall. I had an exchange to do for dd2's clothes and thought I'd get it sorted while we were there.

DH arrives home and we are all ready, we get to the restaurant in good spirits and DH comments on how we're going to have a nice fun evening after a long hard week. We eat and enjoy the meal. Then we walk into the shopping mall and i tell DH I'd like to do the exchange now to which he agrees.

We go to the shop and I start to look for some clothes I can exchange with and DH starts to look antsy but he's ok. I continue looking, and ask his opinion on a couple of outfits to which he gives helpful answers. I choose some clothes then say, I'm just going to take one last look on that side and then I'm done, and he gets really annoyed. He said, 'this is what you always do. This is what you did on holiday'. Then he sat there with a face on while I looked (for the whole of 2 minutes), and waited outside with dd1 while I did the exchange.

When I came out I was annoyed and he was in a big huff and we argued Hmm

I'm really upset at how impatient he was being. I'd only been in the shop for a maximum of 20 minutes. I'm the one who usually does all the shopping and clothes buying and so what if he had to 'waste' 20 minutes of his precious time while I BOUGHT CLOTHES FOR OUR CHILD.

He said I always try to dominate every situation and that I ruined the plans, and we were supposed to be having family fun time. I asked him what plans and he said 'what's the fucking point in asking now'.

We drove home in silence (with dd1 chattering away to herself in the back) and have both come to bed without talking. Hmm

OP posts:
KoPo · 29/09/2013 20:34

A word of advice for the future.

If you absolutely need to do a dull chore on an evening out Do the dull chore bit before dinner. Makes a lot of difference in my experience (DH knows that he will live through doing it before we eat but not if he leaves it til after)

Tasmania · 29/09/2013 20:59

I HATE shopping. I do 98% of my shopping online - particularly clothes. Even if you do find something nice in a shop, you also have to find it in the right sizes... and sometimes, they don't have the size you want. It drives me mad.

Yes, the OP's DH overreacted somewhat... but I would be ANNOYED if DH decided to go into a shop after a nice meal out, and do something that belongs to a SAHM's day job rather than an evening out.

That would be the equivalent of DH saying, he has to go back to the office and finish something, while wife and DCs wait outside for 20 minutes. Wife would then not be unreasonable to be p*ssed off.

The OP might like shopping... but hardly any DH does!!!

Also, to those who say that the DH should care for his DD as well, and buy clothes with the OP - FFS, he works and presumably earns the money so that the OP can go shopping (on her own).

TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 21:56

Thank you Tasmania.

You are a living example of presumptions and sexist stereotypes.

But thank you for your input. Wine

OP posts:
Tasmania · 29/09/2013 22:10

TeaJunky

I work full time, and currently earning more than DH.

So no - I am not a living example of a sexist stereotype. Far from it. However, I would be a stereotype, if DH was the sole earner of the household, and my idea of fun is shopping.

If DH was a househusband, I'd be gutted if he expected me to do a lot of stuff at home. Same thing the other way around. As it stands, we share household chores when we get home. So, both of us would agree that if one of us decided to stay at home, whoever that person is should be able to do what we both currently do in our spare time.

You already admitted your DH did a lot at home, and did the school run, too. Apart from all things baby (and nights awake for which you have my sympathy)... what is the long list of things you have to do? There must be some things on there that does not get done in our household then, because we're hardly ever at home before 7pm...

TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 22:24

You may be working (congratulations! Have a gold star from me!) but you do like to endorse stereotypes and are rather presumptuous, tas.

'Hardly any DH enjoys shopping'
(Sweeping generalisation)

'Shopping is the job of the sahm'
(No actually. All things child related are the joint responsibility of BOTH parents as parenting is non- stop whereas working full time has set hours.)

'Her DH EARNS the money so she can go spend it'.

A serious amount of stereotyping going on there again! You also presumed that I am a stay at home mum (who just loves to shop.)Nowhere in my thread have I written about not working/earning or not earning or whether I have an income/money of my OWN that I can go spend.

So yes. You are full time working, living example of presumptuous stereotyping Grin

OP posts:
BadgersNadgers · 29/09/2013 22:29

OP, you asked if you we're being unreasonable. You are. Take it and stop arguing.

TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 22:30

And I find your interrogative style of questioning about my 'long list of things that I do' extremely irrelevant to this thread original post, downright rude and quite frankly, you sound like you have a huge chip on your shoulder about stay at home mums.

So in other words, do one! Grin

OP posts:
TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 22:32

Badgers but but but ! Grin

See. This is the time when I should fucking sleep! But no. I choose to spend it on here arguing about pointless crap! Grin

OP posts:
Tasmania · 29/09/2013 22:32

Oh, TeaJunky...

I pity your DH.

TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 22:33

Oh Tas, I pity YOU.
Here, have a chill Wine

OP posts:
Tasmania · 29/09/2013 22:36

Just a question - why are you on AIBU when all you want to hear from us is that you are a delight and absolutely perfect, what you did was great, and your DH was in the wrong.

Please, please catch up on your sleep, and stay in your ivory tower, where you are the most ueber-perfect woman on the planet...

TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 22:37

Thank you for recognising that, Tasmania.

Finally.

Grin
OP posts:
ToffeeCaramel · 29/09/2013 22:41
Grin
AgentZigzag · 29/09/2013 22:53

Pahahaha Grin

This thread's like a horror film, just when you think everything's resolved itself, OP's walking off into the sunset with her lovely DH, it all kicks off again Grin

As the OP of the thread Badgers, she's obliged to argue the toss (book 6, chapter 2 of the MN Rools), what's the fucking point in us being here else?

HaroldLloyd · 29/09/2013 23:06

Any one fancy an ice cream?

TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 23:08

Me! me! Harold Grin Only how will they reach me up high, in this here ivory tower of uber-perfect me

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 23:10

Agent zig - BAHAHAHAHA @ horror film GrinGrinGrin .

They provoke me they really do.

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 29/09/2013 23:10

You probably bathe in ice cream you entitled moo!

TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 23:13

Haaaaaaaaaaaa Grin

MOOOOOO.

Any one else want a pop?

Grin
OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 29/09/2013 23:16

No you are fabulous. This has been my favourite AIBU for ages!

Get back in that ivory tower.

AgentZigzag · 29/09/2013 23:17

If you've got some pop we could have a snowball with the ice cream Smile

Oh, you didn't mean that kind of pop Sad

TeaJunky · 29/09/2013 23:21

Harold I'm still in the tower! AS IF I'll ever leave my clothes-shopping, ice cream eating lifestyle Grin

Agent - any kind of pop for you - free bar in the tower Wine

OP posts:
SayCoolNowSayWhip · 30/09/2013 14:45

Reading the latest updates has quite cheered me up.

Oh and to whoever wondered what SAHM do all day... Er I think the clue is on the 'M'. We do mothering! Presumably while you're at work earning your pretty penny, your children are either at school or in day care (so not messing up the house / requiring your full attention 24-7)

Oh God. I need to sit on my hands.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 30/09/2013 14:55

I know it's moved on now, but I don't think you were BU at all.

He behaved like a stropping whinging child.

And bollocks to comments like 'he's a bloke. Allergic to shopping'. I assume people posting that stuff also slave away at home all day, make sure they've got their lippy on so they look nice when hubby comes home from a hard day at the 1950s office and get his tea on the table promptly.

FFS.

TeaJunky · 30/09/2013 16:23

Saycool - don't Grin ...you're going to kick it all off again Grin

OP posts: