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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be mad at DH for spoiling the evening?

502 replies

TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 00:05

It's been a long week for both of us. Long hours at work for him and me at home with dd1 (4) and dd2 (10 months).

DH rang earlier to say he's taking us out to dinner to our favourite Chinese restaurant which is in a huge shopping mall. I had an exchange to do for dd2's clothes and thought I'd get it sorted while we were there.

DH arrives home and we are all ready, we get to the restaurant in good spirits and DH comments on how we're going to have a nice fun evening after a long hard week. We eat and enjoy the meal. Then we walk into the shopping mall and i tell DH I'd like to do the exchange now to which he agrees.

We go to the shop and I start to look for some clothes I can exchange with and DH starts to look antsy but he's ok. I continue looking, and ask his opinion on a couple of outfits to which he gives helpful answers. I choose some clothes then say, I'm just going to take one last look on that side and then I'm done, and he gets really annoyed. He said, 'this is what you always do. This is what you did on holiday'. Then he sat there with a face on while I looked (for the whole of 2 minutes), and waited outside with dd1 while I did the exchange.

When I came out I was annoyed and he was in a big huff and we argued Hmm

I'm really upset at how impatient he was being. I'd only been in the shop for a maximum of 20 minutes. I'm the one who usually does all the shopping and clothes buying and so what if he had to 'waste' 20 minutes of his precious time while I BOUGHT CLOTHES FOR OUR CHILD.

He said I always try to dominate every situation and that I ruined the plans, and we were supposed to be having family fun time. I asked him what plans and he said 'what's the fucking point in asking now'.

We drove home in silence (with dd1 chattering away to herself in the back) and have both come to bed without talking. Hmm

OP posts:
DownstairsMixUp · 28/09/2013 21:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 21:39

Well, we just had a wonderful day and evening of 'contrived' and 'bleurgh' family time - we played on the beach, are fish and chips and hot donuts and bought candy floss.

I could do with some of this contrived bluerghness every so often Smile

OP posts:
TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 21:40

Ate fish and chips obviously, WE are not fish and chips Grin

OP posts:
TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 21:45

LEM - conciliatory and tender just isn't my style plus it's boring and puts me to sleep Blush

Speaking of which..this is the time when I should be sleeping! Dd's both asleep...... But I just can't get off my Blush

OP posts:
Hunfriend · 28/09/2013 21:45

Thats not contrived though Tea- sounds lovelySmile
Your DH shouting at you for shopping for 20 minutes isnt nice family time though- its horrible.
Im going now - wish you all the best OPxx

Threalamandaclarke · 28/09/2013 21:46

Yay! That sounds like a great day.

TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 21:50

He didn't exactly shout, hun.

I said he got huffy ( a fuckload of huffery to be precise Grin), and sat there with a face on. Afterwards we both had a short row and then a long silence in the car home.

Thank you for your input. Smile Goodnight.

OP posts:
Hunfriend · 28/09/2013 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 21:58

HA! Grin Oh gosh no, we save the near death thing for really important stuff.
like when someone finishes the last drop of milk in ONE cup of tea GrinGrin

OP posts:
Hunfriend · 28/09/2013 22:07

I have asked for that comment to be deleted Tea it was stupid and thoughtless of me.
I still think your DH is an arse though Grin

TeaJunky · 28/09/2013 22:16

Which part was stupid and thoughtless Blush

God, I'm getting thick skinned in my old age of nearly 30 years Grin

OP posts:
AllDirections · 28/09/2013 22:42

It's a wise lesson to learn, if your DH hates shopping then just don't ever shop with him. Hmm

And if he's going to get huffy every time you 'drag' him into a shop then don't ever buy anything for him again. He can't have it both ways. Substitute shopping for washing up or bathing the kids, etc. and you would probably have got a totally different response on here. You don't get to not do something that family life needs and then moan when you have to do it occasionally.

YANBU OP

ShakeAndVac · 28/09/2013 23:00

So what, you piddled about for 20 mins getting some clothes while you were already at the shopping mall.

How was he to know that it was 'only' going to be 20 minutes, though?!
If the OP had said "I'm just going to take these in to exchange", in his head, he'll have only been only waiting outside for a couple of minutes with two small kids as that's all a quick exchange takes.
He'll have waited 5 mins, then 10, then 15 etc, all the while getting all the more pissed off while you fart around browsing the clothes aisles looking at clothes while you're blatantly not just exchanging like you said you were going to.
For all he knew, you could have still been in there half an hour later while he stood outside like a lemon.
I'm steaming up on his behalf, as it would have pissed me off no end too if we were supposed to be having a nice meal and then onto something else and you'd decided to turn it into a shopping trip for yourself!

ShakeAndVac · 28/09/2013 23:02

Oh, and speaking from bitter experience, people who readily admit to "It was only twenty minutes" are being a tad economical with the truth - in real people terms and closer to the truth would be 40 minutes, so it is possible that you weren't just 20 minutes after all and were even longer!

SunshineMMum · 28/09/2013 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kotinka · 28/09/2013 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sinful1 · 28/09/2013 23:08

What were the other plans that were no longer worth bothering with did you ever find out?

Might have been.he'd booked one of the activities there and now missed it

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/09/2013 23:09

"... a fuckload of huffery..."

This whole thread was worth it just for the creation of this phrase - and for being its creator, TeaJunky, you win the thread.

ShakeAndVac · 28/09/2013 23:16

416 posts, it's kinda done already ladies. Night night.

So if you've only just seen the thread, and are new to it, but people have already been commenting, you're not allowed to post any more as its all already been said?! Confused
Kind of defeats the purpose of Mumsnet, really - somewhere everyone can voice their opinion on matters! Not just those who manage to get there first...

kotinka · 28/09/2013 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShakeAndVac · 29/09/2013 00:39

shake and vac - yawn, knock yerself out.

Confused

Rational comeback there. Hmm

ShakeAndVac · 29/09/2013 00:41

shake and vac - yawn, knock yerself out.

Sorry, posted too soon. So you're going to bed so the rest of MN has to as well as it's all already been said and there's no point commenting on the thread anymore?! Yup, good luck with that one. Grin

AgentZigzag · 29/09/2013 00:42

'What were the other plans that were no longer worth bothering with did you ever find out?'

And what happened on the holiday.

Were you all dominant and controlling TeaJunky and he didn't like it that he liked it? Grin

ShakeAndVac · 29/09/2013 00:43

the rest of MN has to as well should read too. Not to. D'oh, maybe I SHOULD go to bed Grin

AgentZigzag · 29/09/2013 00:43

Don't knock yourself out until you've hoovered Shake.

I'm sick of getting bits stuck to my feet.