Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why you'd boast about a natural childbirth?

265 replies

HolaGuapo · 27/09/2013 12:34

A colleague of mine had a baby girl this morning.
Long backstory with the colleague but to cut it short - she's very strange, everything is always about her (constantly) and how much money etc she has and a couple of people at work have said things along the lines of she's a bit of a narcissist. Her life seems to be one constant, long drama (she's bragged about the fact that she tricked her ex into getting her pregnant and then at 30 weeks was engaged to a guy she'd known 2 weeks and he is apparently taking the baby on as his own) and she lies about a lot of things.

So I went on Facebook, saw she'd posted 'DD born this morning, weighs x' etc. at the end of the status she put 'no pain relief used except a tiny bit of gas and air. So proud of myself'. I commented congratulations, and she replied saying 'thanks, I'm so amazed, I can't believe i did it with only a small amount of gas and air, so proud of myself for not needing anything else'. Scrolling up I saw everyone who had congratulated had also had this kind of reply.
I'm 22 weeks pregnant with my first and I have a low pain threshold so know I will need some sort of pain relief. However, even if I didn't, I wouldn't be boasting about how much (or how little) pain relief I'd used!
AIBU to just not understand why you'd boast about this?

OP posts:
SHarri13 · 27/09/2013 19:03

Getting ready for a flaming but I am bloody proud of my body's birthing ability. Having gone through life never being great at anything, it was nice to find something I could do! I'll continue to be quietly proud.

BrokenSunglasses · 27/09/2013 19:03

Plenty of people do have big experiences, but this is the only one that people seem to get so emotional about when they compare their experience to other people's.

Why is sharing pride in a positive thing not very nice? I genuinely don't understand that.

I think it's not very nice to tell people they shouldn't be proud of something when they are, and to insinuate that they are being mean when all they are doing is talking about a positive emotion they felt.

Bragging is never a nice thing, but there is a big difference between feeling pride in yourself and telling your friends that that is one of the emotions you are experiencing and bragging in a way that is is intended to belittle someone else.

OwlinaTree · 27/09/2013 19:05

Not everyone gets the prize iloveafullfridge

SHarri13 · 27/09/2013 19:06

'I'm guessing those of us just lying there during a c/s akin to having a tooth out have nothing to feel proud of.'

No, that's for everyone to decide by themselves. Me being proud of my labour does not mean that you somehow cannot be proud of yours. That's like me saying that blue is great somehow means that you thinking red is great is invalid. Me thinking one thing is anazing for nedoes not mean you can't think the opposite is amazing for you.

BrokenSunglasses · 27/09/2013 19:06

Retro, you can feel however you want to about your birth, it doesn't make any difference to anyone else.

But personally, if my body had grown and carried around two babies at the same time, and then I'd been mentally strong enough to deal with having them cut out of my while I was lying there paralysed without completely freaking out, too bloody right I'd feel proud!

catinboots · 27/09/2013 19:08

An ex-colleague did this recently about his wife.

She silently delivered their PFB with just a drop of gas and air. He was so proud.

The petty bitch in me wanted to say Congratulations - how lucky your wife has such a loose fanjo!

I didn't Grin

These were the same parents that posted an open love-letter on FB to their PFB on his christening day. Dear Lord I cringed so much I nearly turned myself inside out

SoupDragon · 27/09/2013 19:08

I hate all this bollocks about "boasting".

I'm proud of my births but that doesn't mean I think I'm better than anyone else.

SHarri13 · 27/09/2013 19:12

Oh fucking hell, here we go. You had fast labour so you must have a bucket fanny.

Don't be such an arsehole! Fuck sake.

onlysettleforbutterflies · 27/09/2013 19:13

I think its the word proud that is emotive, as in if you had to have intervention then you can't be proud. Perhaps pleased would be a better word.

HooverFairy · 27/09/2013 19:16

Of course it's the mother saying "I did better than you!", why else post it on Facebook like not having intervention was entirely her choice? She's an awful person, that status only serves to show she thinks anyone who has intervention is 'cheating'. Insensitive cow - defriend her.

Yes, I'm someone who is 'not secure in my own situation' because I had a terrible birth that I would never have chosen. But that's the point - it's not a choice, it's down to luck. Making out that no pain relief makes you some kind of hero is a twatty thing to do. Being proud of bringing a baby into the world is definitely something to be proud of, why can't she just focus on that instead of making it into a competition?

LoreleisSecret · 27/09/2013 19:18

I was very proud of both my births (natural with no pain relief) ! But doesn't mean I'd belittle any woman who choose a different path.

I am very scared of drugs, the thought of having an epidural or something 'unnatural' in my body terrified me. With DC1 I would literally sob during pregnancy at the thought of this. I was LUCKY i didn't need pain relief. I'm not a stronger woman than any other, just lucky I got the birth I wanted!

duchessandscruffy · 27/09/2013 19:18

I don't think there is as anything wrong with being proud of having a totally natural birth, as long as you remember that 95% of the time, the kind of birth you have is just down to pure luck.

HooverFairy · 27/09/2013 19:19

diambardiva really?!? So needing pain relief in childbirth is due to being a wimp? Great. That's lovely that is! I really hope you didn't mean that as it sounds.

HooverFairy · 27/09/2013 19:21

LoreleisSecret, it's not a choice. You didn't choose a natural childbirth, your body let you have a natural childbirth.

BrokenSunglasses · 27/09/2013 19:21

No one said you can't be proud if you have had interventions. That's just people adding an assumption that simply doesn't exist when someone declares how they feel about themselves.

My best friend had loads of interventions for her births, she felt proud of herself and she had every right to. Her husband felt proud of her and so did I, although clearly it was nothing to do with me. It's a nice thing.

As for wanting to insult someone just because their husband has said they were proud of them, that's just plain nasty.

BrokenSunglasses · 27/09/2013 19:24

Actually there is an element of choice. You can walk into the hospital choosing to ask for drugs straight away, or you can choose to wait and see if you need it.

Some people do have the choice taken away from them, but for plenty of women, it is a choice.

hashtagwhatever · 27/09/2013 19:26

like wise just because you didn't have pain relief does not mean it didn't hurt/was easy/lucky.

taking offence in somebody else's proudness of their self says more about you really.

pianodoodle · 27/09/2013 19:36

diambardiva really?!? So needing pain relief in childbirth is due to being a wimp? Great. That's lovely that is! I really hope you didn't mean that as it sounds

For goodness sake people will look for offence in every word if they can! The post you're complaining about didn't say anything about anyone else being a wimp.

There are some very prickly people around!

Spidermama · 27/09/2013 19:37

I find the number of nasty comments on here really, REALLY, depressing.
To pick one at random. Skinheadmermaid says, "I would comment 'lucky you, you must have a very wide set birth cannel and child bearing hips!'

FFS can't you see how bitchy and toxic you are being? I thought nasty mean girls grew up and left this kind of shit in the playground and didn't carry it around with them.

Also, it's birth we're talking about. Bringing another person into this world. Surely we can all agree that it's the most incredible thing EVER and we as women share that with each other. It should bring us together and not divide us.

I agree with the marathon analogy by the way. I also totally agree with Bonsoir and outragedofsuburbia.

I can only assume that the women being nasty about others have issues which make them deeply insecure. Get therapy.

pianodoodle · 27/09/2013 19:38

All this "so because you're proud of how you did something means you think other people shouldn't feel proud" is nonsense.

People can be proud of doing something if they want to without it being an automatic put down of someone else.

trolleycoin · 27/09/2013 19:39

Pride comes before a fall. Because there is a breed of women who make this sort of stuff into a competition. They are better mums cos they had no pain relief or they bf until child was at uni.

Personally, I had lots of medical intervention because it was needed. If not my husband would have lost his wife and only child. That wouldn't have been anything to be proud of would it? Tbh the only thing I was proud of that day was the outstanding medical team.

Thurlow · 27/09/2013 19:41

I'm really intrigued why people find the idea of 'good luck' and 'bad luck' in labour and giving birth a bad thing. It's just like anything else your body does, isn't it?

I would say it is bad luck, or you're unfortunate, if you more susceptible to catching every cold that goes around, and good luck if you seem to have the constitution of an ox. I would say it is bad luck if you have HG or SPD during your pregnancy, and good luck if you find pregnancy easy.

Equally I would say it is good luck if your body dilates quickly or your baby is in a good position, and bad luck if you dilate very slowly or your baby is in a bad position (either of which I would imagine are far more likely to lead you to choosing pain relief due to exhaustion or extreme pain).

Why is it that much different? Women who have had multiple and different birth experiences themselves say that some were better than others Confused

(And I class myself in the bad luck category for most of those, so I'm not passing judgement!)

catinboots · 27/09/2013 19:43

Oh SHarri get over yourself.

I wasn't saying that - I was having a pop at the wallies that do!

LoreleisSecret · 27/09/2013 19:46

I didn't say I Choose it, I said I was lucky to get the birth I wanted.
But I did go in with the mindset of 'absolutely no drugs unless myself or baby was in danger' and my body allowed this. With both children.

SHarri13 · 27/09/2013 19:47

Really?!? It doesn't read like that.

A s how do I need to get over myself? You made a post that I found highly offensive, nothing to get over but you. Now ff you go and make yourself feel good by making others feel shit. Well done you.