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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why you'd boast about a natural childbirth?

265 replies

HolaGuapo · 27/09/2013 12:34

A colleague of mine had a baby girl this morning.
Long backstory with the colleague but to cut it short - she's very strange, everything is always about her (constantly) and how much money etc she has and a couple of people at work have said things along the lines of she's a bit of a narcissist. Her life seems to be one constant, long drama (she's bragged about the fact that she tricked her ex into getting her pregnant and then at 30 weeks was engaged to a guy she'd known 2 weeks and he is apparently taking the baby on as his own) and she lies about a lot of things.

So I went on Facebook, saw she'd posted 'DD born this morning, weighs x' etc. at the end of the status she put 'no pain relief used except a tiny bit of gas and air. So proud of myself'. I commented congratulations, and she replied saying 'thanks, I'm so amazed, I can't believe i did it with only a small amount of gas and air, so proud of myself for not needing anything else'. Scrolling up I saw everyone who had congratulated had also had this kind of reply.
I'm 22 weeks pregnant with my first and I have a low pain threshold so know I will need some sort of pain relief. However, even if I didn't, I wouldn't be boasting about how much (or how little) pain relief I'd used!
AIBU to just not understand why you'd boast about this?

OP posts:
catinboots · 27/09/2013 21:39

Dione - really?

You feel ^proud^ for taking part in procreation!

Ain't it just the circle of life or summink

Original poster
HolaGuapo · 27/09/2013 21:45

Just come back on and read through all these posts. Yes maybe it did come across as being a bit of a bitch, etc, but It just made me wonder why some people really seem to think its more of an 'achievement' if you have a drug-free labour. Said colleague has since posted another status saying 'we would be sleeping right now if it wasn't for all the other babies crying. How come my baby is so well-behaved' which just comes across as bragging.
I will hide her on Facebook so I can't see any more!

OP posts:
rallytog1 · 27/09/2013 21:45

My birth involved gas & air, diamorphine, epidural, spinal, emcs, general anaesthetic, three litre blood loss and nearly lost a major organ. I had a malpositioned baby and a scalpel-happy surgeon, so all the positive thinking and mental strength in the world could not have prevented this.

I'm proud that I survived it, I'm proud that I persevered with trying to bf for a month before accepting I was never going to lactate, and I'm proud that despite not even being able to remember my name for the first six weeks (due to all the pain-killing drugs) my DD is healthy, happy and thriving.

I feel sad that I didn't get the natural birth I'd hoped and mentally prepared for, and never will, due to my injuries. But that doesn't mean I'm not proud of surviving and working hard to recover.

Every woman who brings a baby into the world should be proud. Some get lucky, some are not so lucky, but we should all be proud and celebrate what we have all done, not descend into a slanging match about who did better than who.

WinteronPluto · 27/09/2013 21:46

I think she should be allowed her boast if it makes her happy. No real harm. As others have said she is probably on a massive high right now (not the one she probably got from the gas and air....)

If she or anyone had a dig at someone else for using pain relief that would be different.

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/09/2013 22:00

Catinboots I absolutely felt proud. The day I gave birth will probably be the proudest of my life and I will never forget it. Never before or since have I had to work so hard, mentally, physically and emotionally. And I did my best. And I am always proud of myself when I have done my best.

Every woman I know, no matter what I think of them, did their best on the day they gave birth and they should feel proud.

MistressDeeCee · 27/09/2013 22:05

we would be sleeping right now if it wasn't for all the other babies crying. How come my baby is so well-behaved

OMG. Those on this thread agreeing with this lady's attitude should be forced to listen to her waxing lyrical about her cleverness on a daily basis, forever & ever amen Smile

How dare those other mothers who clearly havent done as well at all, the weaklings, disturb the sleep of the perfect?

OP I agree, Id have to hide her status updates with immediate effect..

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/09/2013 22:08

Hola, you haven't liked this woman for a long time. Why pick the day she gives birth to slag her off on the internet?

auntmargaret · 27/09/2013 22:15

I think giving birth is something that happens to you, rather than something you do. So much is in the lap of the gods. If you end up with a live baby at the end of it, you are blessed. To pretend otherwise is fatuous.

Original poster
HolaGuapo · 27/09/2013 22:16

Dione I wanted to back up my point to everybody saying she wasn't being boastful, just proud. I don't mean for it to come across as slagging anyone off at all, and I've seen plenty of threads slagging people off in the past on this forum.

OP posts:
ElBombero · 27/09/2013 22:16

Rallytog1 xxx

Szeli · 27/09/2013 22:17

I only found out after I'd had my son when people referred to 'natural birth' I thought they meant as oppose to a c section.

If I had known they meant 'are you going to have any pain relief' I'd have responded 'how the heck do I know?'

It's bizarre. I wasn't bothered except I said no to an epidural, they decided I 'needed' one and my back collapsed woo!

There's being proud of your body, performing how you wanted to, and there's p/boasting on facebook. The two should not interlink really

rallytog1 · 27/09/2013 22:20

auntmargaret you have hit the nail on the head. We are blessed.

Kerryblue · 27/09/2013 22:20

I've not read all 10 pages but my first thought, as a midwife of 17 years, is that no, she did not labour without pain relief.

Gas and Air is pain relief !!

I wonder what she means by ' a tiny bit of gas and air'?

If she had a few puffs for a few contractions during transition, fair enough. Not much pain relief had. But most women use it for much longer than this during an average labour.

It's always made me a bit Hmm when I hear that women think entonox is not pain relief and despite using it for hours on end, say they 'didn't use any pain relief'. (And trust me, I have heard that alot)

And those who choose to use an epidural as a form of pain relief during labour should, imho, feel no less 'proud' than those who don't.

pianodoodle · 27/09/2013 22:23

Dione - really?

You feel proud for taking part in procreation!

I'd think it more strange if having a baby wasn't a big deal to you!

SoupDragon · 27/09/2013 22:24

You feel proud for taking part in procreation

Hell yes! I built an actual human being inside me... Too bloody right I feel proud :) OK, so I didn't have to concentrate on actually doing it but its still bloody amazing. I remember gazing down at each of my babies and thinking "Holy crap - I made that!"

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/09/2013 22:25

I get that Hola, but why chose the day this woman gave birth to slag her off?Confused Your dislike has been around for a long time. So why chose the day that she gives birth, with all that entails (hormones, unfamiliar surroundings, endorphins, pain) to voice that opinion?Confused

wickeddevil · 27/09/2013 22:30

Well I'm not one for posting on fakebook, but tbh I was very proud of my DS and myself. I was also proud and quite honestly a bit surprised that I was still alive at the end of it all. I didn't know I was capable of surviving that and coming out smiling. And yet most of us do just that.

OP good luck eith your lO. You too will no doubt feel pretty invincible once you have had your first baby. However it happens.

If you don't like this woman fine. Your choice. But she is allowed to be proud of herself.

mimitwo · 27/09/2013 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 27/09/2013 22:50

That last one reminded me of when ds4 was born, on the second day he cried alot! Id been on my own until they bought a women in whos baby was a couple of hours old, her family stayed with her as she was going home after the 6 hours.

The whole time they were in it was ' isnt he contented, all the other babies are crying but hes so contented, hes such a good baby' hes a few hours old ffs! Grin

Ds1 came in at visiting and even he was Hmm although at the over use of 'contented' more than anything else.

Having a new baby can send some people a little crazy, just ignore or hide if it bothers you

womma · 27/09/2013 22:54

Well more fool her I say! I had an epidural and it was great, not a bead of sweat on my brow. All that huffing and puffing for hours, when you could just read your book for a bit? No thanks.

A midwife who visited me at home after the birth said she was pleased I'd had one, why suffer when you don't have to?

mimitwo · 27/09/2013 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/09/2013 23:07

YY Mimitwo.

MrsBennington · 27/09/2013 23:13

I feel proud that I had 2 beautiful babies. Happy that I never had to feel a contraction or experience a VB either.

DanglingChillis · 27/09/2013 23:13

I think if you are lucky and have a quick and relatively easy birth then you do get a real high for a few days afterwards. DD2 was a very straightforward birth and she was a very easy baby so even when I got a bit weepy when my milk came in I was still happy and 'oh, this is the baby blues, to be expected, never mind' etc etc. it was lovely, my Dad had been very ill when I was pregnant and it had been a very stressful time so we needed some nice time.

And I think most people do have a compulsion to share their birth stories (good or bad) which is why you get the 'boasting' about easy births, or indeed the scaring of first time Mums with labour horror stories.

Having said that, the comment about her well behaved baby is a bit Hmm. But she's still in hospital and in another 24 h she'll be worrying why her baby isn't feeding enough so let her have her moment.

thewhitequeen · 27/09/2013 23:15

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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