To not understand why you'd boast about a natural childbirth?

[HolaGuapo]

A colleague of mine had a baby girl this morning.
Long backstory with the colleague but to cut it short - she's very strange, everything is always about her (constantly) and how much money etc she has and a couple of people at work have said things along the lines of she's a bit of a narcissist. Her life seems to be one constant, long drama (she's bragged about the fact that she tricked her ex into getting her pregnant and then at 30 weeks was engaged to a guy she'd known 2 weeks and he is apparently taking the baby on as his own) and she lies about a lot of things.

So I went on Facebook, saw she'd posted 'DD born this morning, weighs x' etc. at the end of the status she put 'no pain relief used except a tiny bit of gas and air. So proud of myself'. I commented congratulations, and she replied saying 'thanks, I'm so amazed, I can't believe i did it with only a small amount of gas and air, so proud of myself for not needing anything else'. Scrolling up I saw everyone who had congratulated had also had this kind of reply.
I'm 22 weeks pregnant with my first and I have a low pain threshold so know I will need some sort of pain relief. However, even if I didn't, I wouldn't be boasting about how much (or how little) pain relief I'd used!
AIBU to just not understand why you'd boast about this?

broken I think that is what it is though judging by my own experience.
If it hurts that badly you need pain relief no matter what your plans were.

Out of interest I just went thru facebook to see what I put. Nothing! Does surprise me.

Don't get this natural blah tho, feels very

"Ooh my body worked yours didn't ner ner ner"

Probably not the way it's intended tho.

She might just be genuinely feeling proud, she might be a massive show off, she may be a bit of both. From what you've said, she's always been like this.
Avoid her if she's annoying you, life is too short!. She might well be a huge show off about how advanced (or something) her baby is anyway.
I've got mates who've had all sorts of births and none if them has ever said 'ooh didn't I do well' or 'ooh didn't I have the worst both experience ever'. We've just shared the odd experience, good or bad.

Szelakes a good point. It's probably not intendedikr that but can come across as smug or imply that if you have pain relief you should t be proud.

Women are allowed to feel pride at giving birth naturally. Don't be so mean!

I had everything going with ds1, i thought i would with ds2.
I only had a bit of gas an air at the pushing stage and felt really proud of myself. I couldnt believe i had done it. She deserves to feel proud.

Oh YANBU. Let her have her moment in the sun. It's fine for her to be proud of her labour.

I'm proud of all the unpleasant crap I put up with to give my baby the healthiest start in life - from denying myself the pleasure of sushi, booze, multiple cups of espresso, Brie, and hay fever medication in pregnancy, to going without opioids and an epidural in labour.

I appreciate that other people can't manage without pain relief. God knows I can't run more than 100 yards without keeling over gasping, while other women manage to run marathons. I'm happy for other people to have their triumphs, as long as they're happy to let me have mine.

There are all sorts of factors that will impact on whether someone will have pain relief, from the length and complexity of their labour, to the quality of care that they have, to - yes - how stoical they are about pain.

Agree with Bonsoir.

I gave birth with no pain relief (including g&a) and while I don't think I "boasted" about it, I was incredibly proud of myself and amazed at my achievement. This was mainly because I'd been told I'd never do it without pain relief.

That said, I would have been amazed with myself no matter how I'd given birth, I created and delivered a human FFS! That is massive!

Let her be amazed and proud, and be amazed and proud of yourself too when your time comes, whether you use PR or not.

Feeling pride at one's own achievements isn't the same as one upmanship or competition.

Not really ledkr. Lots of people manage to avoid needing pain relief until they are nearly at the end when it's too late anyway.

Needing and wanting pain relief are different things, and sometimes people feel they need it but they don't get it. Are they allowed to feel proud of themselves, even if they are just pleased hey managed to stay conscious though such excruciating pain.

Sometimes people feel they need the pain relief, but don't use it because they are worried about the effect on their baby. Some people don't worry about that, and go straight for the drugs.

Everyone's different, and I honestly can't understand why anyone would take it personally when someone else says they are proud of themselves for something.

Next time my friend tells me she's proud of herself for running the marathon, I'll remember to pull her up on calling me lazy, because clearly, that's what she means and she isn't talking about herself at all!

Bit weird to boast and to all and sundry on Facebook

. . . but. . . when I had ds2 i had a natural birth with nothing but a bit of gas and air at the end and I was so gobsmacked at this that I think I probably did go on about it a bit, I was just so amazed!! Not in an aren't I brilliant way but I was on such a high it was a "can't believe that just happened" kind of way!

To put that in perspective I had every drug on offer with ds1 and then an emergency section and ds2 was supposed to be a section but had other ideas

I would comment 'lucky you, you must have a very wide set birth cannel and child bearing hips!' :D

But why feel pride over something you get just by luck. We're all different with different babies,pain thresholds etc so we're going to have different births.

I gave birth by c/s to two whopping great full term breach twin babies.

Not getting why somebody with a well placed singleton baby should feel prouder of giving birth than me just because nature was kind to her.

It's like conception.Took me 7 years of IVF after a list of things wrong with both dp and I to conceive.I'm always a bit when you hear those women banging on about conceiving the first time.Dying to say you shagged,nature was kind to you,you conceived-get it!

im annoyed at the people comparing childbirth to root canals and migraines,its obviously not the same thing.

its not just from luck is it,theres lots of different factors which affect a birth experience,feeling safe and comfortable and in control are huge things which make a real difference to how your birth will go and how painful it is.

I had three natural childbirths, the first two I have had worse poo's frankly and the last one was only marginally painful, as in, like a really bad belly. No pain relief because - what pain? No gas and air nothing, nada. Tiny babies though, as in under 6lbs.
I used to tell people because I was completely amazed - but quickly learned to keep my gob shut as its not appreciated. I used to get looks of almost pure hatred so in Rl I do not say now I just say, ahh, it was a long time ago, time dulls it all... I find it unfair because other women can talk about what a terrible time they had and all have to listen and oh and ah and sympathise but I can't say how easy a time I got of it all without being the cow.
Unfair.

Bollocks!

If you have a huge baby in the wrong place with a small birth canal and a low pain threshold sorry but feeling safe is neither here nor there.

TBH if I'd had a baby with only a tiny bit of gas and air I'd have probably boasted about it too.

Unfortunately I found it all rather stung a bit, and consequently I was roaring for an epidural after a couple of hours. So nothing to boast about here.

I agree it's not just luck. Luck plays a part, but it really isn't everything.

It's not about who has more right to feel proud. But if someone does feel proud, especially in the first few hours and days after giving birth, then good for them. It makes no difference whatsoever to anyone else.

Why would you want them not to have that nice feeling if they can get it? It makes no difference to anyone else.

She's just had a baby - cut her some slack.

And she's being proud of getting through her labour in the way she clearly wanted.

It's not like she's muscled in on someone else's labour and said "here, get out of the way, this is how you do it" and then posted "proud of myself for sorting out Mary's labour for her. Go me!"

Everyone's labour is different - and everyone has a right to feel proud of themselves for getting through it in whatever way they do. It's a pretty overwhelming experience.

I ideally wanted a drug-free birth - not because of competitiveness, but because I, in my personal opinion, based on the things I'd read, believed it was the best thing for my baby and my body. Others might feel different. As it happened, it turned out that I produce babies at great speed. I had a very short, very intense labour. There was a point when I was thinking "I wonder if I can persuade someone to kill me right now" because I'd been told that there was no way I was progressing as fast as I was claiming, and they thought I still had several hours to go.

I got through it because it had to be got through. If it really had gone on any longer, I might well have ditched the no-drugs idea, I don't know. As it was, I got the drug-free labour I wanted. I am aware I was lucky, but I was still proud of myself, because I was the one inside my head, and I knew what an intense experience it was and I was proud of myself for not completely flipping out and punching anyone within punching distance, which was a distinct danger at one point. I felt I had, within the context of my own, personal experience, managed the labour fairly well.

That isn't a reflection on anyone else who had a longer labour, or a more painful labour or an unco-operative baby, or anything else. I might not have continued to cope if it had gone on longer or got any worse. Plenty of other people, if dumped in the middle of my labour, might have been able to cope better.

Me being proud of myself after my labour isn't a criticism of anyone else. It's just me knowing that I came through a difficult and lifechanging experience in the fashion I had wanted to.

Feel proud of your baby but sorry proud of your birth because it was natural no.

I had gas & air for my 1st. The 2nd came so quickly it was completely natural and I wish it wasnt, it bloody hurt..! I just think its naff when women boast about natural births, going on as if theyve scored over other women and are somehow stronger..oh, shut up...and who cares anyway, as long as the end result of any labour is a healthy baby then, thats what matters. I cant take boasting. Did someone mention newborn pics on FB? A friend of mine's son is due to be a daddy soon and she put the scans pics up on FB. All the congratulations comments came flooding in but I was a bit about it. Also feel the same about newborn pics on FB though. I just find it all a bit uncomfortable and a bit too public regarding precious, personal moments in life

Bully for you Kung you got what you wanted.I can get feeling pleased but pride not a bit.It's like somebody beautiful being proud of their looks.They may have slathered on the moisturiser but being proud of something nature gave you a head start on sorry don't get it.

But why not?

If someone feels proud of their natural birth then the only person that concerns is them.

Why is it better to feel proud of your baby? You have less control over what your newborn is like than you do your labour. Most people don't do anything special to grow the baby once it's been conceived, I don't see how having a baby is any more of an achievement than having a drug free birth. Complete fuckwits manage to do both those things successfully, so neither is a particularly huge achievement.

And who cares if you had pain relief- it's not a competition.