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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand why you'd boast about a natural childbirth?

265 replies

HolaGuapo · 27/09/2013 12:34

A colleague of mine had a baby girl this morning.
Long backstory with the colleague but to cut it short - she's very strange, everything is always about her (constantly) and how much money etc she has and a couple of people at work have said things along the lines of she's a bit of a narcissist. Her life seems to be one constant, long drama (she's bragged about the fact that she tricked her ex into getting her pregnant and then at 30 weeks was engaged to a guy she'd known 2 weeks and he is apparently taking the baby on as his own) and she lies about a lot of things.

So I went on Facebook, saw she'd posted 'DD born this morning, weighs x' etc. at the end of the status she put 'no pain relief used except a tiny bit of gas and air. So proud of myself'. I commented congratulations, and she replied saying 'thanks, I'm so amazed, I can't believe i did it with only a small amount of gas and air, so proud of myself for not needing anything else'. Scrolling up I saw everyone who had congratulated had also had this kind of reply.
I'm 22 weeks pregnant with my first and I have a low pain threshold so know I will need some sort of pain relief. However, even if I didn't, I wouldn't be boasting about how much (or how little) pain relief I'd used!
AIBU to just not understand why you'd boast about this?

OP posts:

janey68 · 27/09/2013 12:54

Don't sweat it. She's happy she's had a baby and feeling good about her birth.
If she's a boastful person anyway, then presumably this is just an extension of how she is.

Original poster

HolaGuapo · 27/09/2013 12:56

I understand being proud of it, she is just a boastful person in general. And I know that by posting this she'll be doing it to show off.

OP posts:

WaspInTheHouse · 27/09/2013 12:58

As soon as people could document things they shared things, social media is just an extension of writing, telegraphs, telephones etc. I mean look at photography in Victorian times and memento mori.

oscarwilde · 27/09/2013 12:58

A little unreasonable. It hurts, sometimes rather a lot. I think it's something to celebrate that it's all over and everyone is fine, regardless of the delivery method. Doing it drug free just means you got lucky imo or you are as hard as nails and obstinate to boot .
You will not be unreasonable if she compares birth stories in a superior manner at a later date when your child is born. Full permission to tell her not to be a smug prat then

WaspInTheHouse · 27/09/2013 12:59

So surely the answer to your OP is "because she's a boastful person" and you just wanted to start a thread to criticise her, rather than actually understand this general trend.

ringaringarosy · 27/09/2013 13:00

i was proud to of had mine with no pan relief,i didnt boast about it though because i dont need others to tell me how great i am to feel good about myself!I think considering the way a lot of women are treated these days when pregnant and in labour,the way people tell you horror stories about births and the amount of intervention there is,it is something to be proud of,as the odds of you having a really lovely calm birth with no drugs,and to come out the other side saying how nice it was,are really quite low!

I dont think you should boast as its not needed,and its insensitive.

ringaringarosy · 27/09/2013 13:00

pain not pan obviously lol!

MrsMook · 27/09/2013 13:00

I don't know why it matters to me but it does, and I think it's about completing a natural function of my body. DS1 was a long hard labour ending in emergency CS and I felt so cheated. The effect that the pethadine had on me contributed to finding it quite traumatic. I feel very proud that DS2 came out of the main exit. Despite being back to back I managed it on G&A and hypnobirthing. Unfortunately he became distressed so was born in an operating theatre with spinal block and forceps under a strong threat of another EMCS. How I feel about my labours and births has no bearing on how I feel about others' experiences. You use what you need to use to deliver your baby safely. If you are able to do it with minimum intervention, that's great as it minimises the risk of other complications. If you need more assistance to make it as bearable as possible, go ahead.

I share my experiences with others in appropriate settings as it can help give confidence to women who like me had a difficult first birth and want a positive experience second time

The only time it's a problem is when people cast judgement on others for their method of birth.

If she's including on a birth announcement then she's probably high on euphoria anyway and not feeling entirely rational and mundane.

PlatinumStart · 27/09/2013 13:02

I think it's fine to be proud of the way in which you give birth. That is absolutely not to say that the converse is that anyone should ever be ashamed.

I was enormously proud of DC2's delivery.

WaspInTheHouse · 27/09/2013 13:02

Boasting is in the eye of the beholder though surely?

What is the difference between boasting and sharing positive things?

ringaringarosy · 27/09/2013 13:03

and i dont think not needing pain relief has anything to do with being hard or having a high pain threshold!i have a low pain threshold with everything except giving birth,it such a different type of pain with so many other things involved in it its not really the same as any other pain.

DuelingFanjo · 27/09/2013 13:04

personally I don't think it sounds like she was boasting.
'I'm so amazed, I can't believe I did it' just sounds like she is elated that she was lucky enough to have an easy birth experience.

By the way - I have a high pain threshold and I needed pain relief - you may surprise yourself.

PeriodFeatures · 27/09/2013 13:06

BTW OP..I thought i had a low pain threshold but managed to labour for about 8 hours on a full dose of synthetic hormone with only paracetamol.

The Doctor came in part way through and said 'what time did she have the epidural?' and was apparently amazed at my calm controlled demeanour.

I am very proud of how i laboured, despite then having loads of drugs ?(which after 8 hours i thoroughly thoroughly enjoyed

There..i have had a little brag!

You will feel proud too.

pinkdelight · 27/09/2013 13:09

Sounds like you don't like her so you'd pick up on anything she'd say that could possibly rub you up the wrong way. It's not really boasting. It's how she feels and today of all days she's allowed to say how she feels. Be nice. Despite what you take as egoism, her life is clearly far from perfect.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 27/09/2013 13:09

Personally I think it is worth aspiring to but not worth boasting about. After a section and 2 inductions I ended up with everything on offer so aspiring was as far as I go though. I think it is an accomplishment for someone to deliver without drugs but I would think they were an insensitive idiot if they bragged about it.

Mojavewonderer · 27/09/2013 13:09

It's bloody hard work giving birth with no pain relief so I think she deserves a pat on the back! I've done it 3 times and I had a good boast about that to anyone who would listen! No one told me I was showing off, I think everyone was amazed because I cry when I have to go to the dentist ;)

AmandaPandtheNightmareMonsters · 27/09/2013 13:11

I was told by the horrid witch who I still sometimes dream of fighting back midwife with DD1 that I had a low pain threshold as I was in a lot of pain at 3cm.

Next time round, I birthed a back to back baby with nothing at all. I can tell you, it didn't hurt much more than the 3cm the previous time.

I didn't miraculously get tougher in those two years. Just different circumstances, different care, different experience.

OP - If you want every drug going then take it. That was right for me with DD1. But don't let bollocks about pain thresholds sway the way you plan things (whilst being prepared for it all change in a second, as labour is wont to do).

MmmmWhiteWine · 27/09/2013 13:11

I think it's a shame that some women feel the need to criticise each other over this kind of thing. I had two straightforward, quick, drug free births for which I am exceedingly thankful. I know that not everyone is so lucky and in no way feel smug about mine....I know it's partly just the luck of the draw. But I remember feeling as if I couldn't mention it when other new mums were having the "labour horror story" conversation as they really were not happy to hear about a good experience, as if it somehow showed them in a bad light. Which it absolutely did not, I hasten to add.

tombliboouun · 27/09/2013 13:14

Ds1 epidural 8lber
Ds2 natural 10lber

Actually I feel like I can't talk to anyone about what an awesome experience ds2's birth was for fear of offending someone. Hardly anyone I know has had a natural birth which makes me feel isolated in a sense.

Your colleague was BU to be boastful but I think natural birth is an awesome, sacred experience & I'd choose it over having pain relief. Perhaps she was just feels very overwhelmed because she didn't think she had it in her.

I am very proud that although I felt like I was going to crack in two & squealed through child birth, I managed to push a huge baby out, without tearing & the need for pain relief. It's very primal feeling, as is breastfeeding. I highly recommend it over an epidural. TBH After having a natural birth with ds2, I feel disappointed that I had an epidural with ds1.

I guess 2nd time round I was calmer, stayed mobile & listened to the midwife. It was orgasmic & my greatest sense of achievement yet.

cantpooinpeace · 27/09/2013 13:15

I had two natural births & definitely felt proud of myself as I didn't ever take it for granted that I could have one or do it! I have a low pain threshold but didn't find labour to be that painful - delivery stung a bit mind.
The sense of achievement was amazing not just about the birth but I was mega proud of it all pregnancy/labour/beautiful babies

pianodoodle · 27/09/2013 13:15

Everyone feels proud afterwards and often feel the need to talk about it too - especially the first time!

I was proud I felt like I made a good job of it :)

I didn't mention the birth details on fb apart from "all went well" but this woman is obviously a different type of person and if she likes a brag anyway it's going to be magnified ten fold at the minute!

tombliboouun · 27/09/2013 13:16

Excuse the typo's!

tombliboouun · 27/09/2013 13:17

I didn't tell anyone I had a natural birth btw, they all asked how it went.

fairylightsintheautumn · 27/09/2013 13:18

I think its that idea that somehow you did "well" if you have no pain relief, with the implication being that you have done less well if you have it. As someone up thread said, it's largely about luck. No-one says, "I am 5ft 8 tall, didn't I do well" or, in my case "I'm rubbish cos I 'm only 5ft". On neither of my births did I get beyond 3 cm after 48 hours of inductioon and contractions so both were CS. I am unlucky insofar as it seems my pelvis or womb is not quite the right shape for contractions to widen the cervix. I don't really see birth as an achievement as such, just a process that you go through, with a variety of methods, most of which are chosen by biology or the circumstances and staffing of the birth unit.

MyNameIsAnAnagram · 27/09/2013 13:25

I am proud of my at home accidentally unassisted homebirth. (And a bit embarrassed). i am slso proud of my ventouse on my back with legs in stirrups birth. I don't think any less of anyone who has epidurals or sections though, that would be daft. Every birth is so different any woman could any up with any birth, it's the luck of the draw.

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