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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not help organise mil party?

141 replies

Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 14:43

Mil got a big birthday coming up and is making a huge song and dance about it.Has booked private room in a restaurant. I know sil is going to be faffing about organising a surprise cake,banner,balloons etc-she did this for fil too.Am I bu to not do this too? Suspect they probably think so but she has 2 sons who could do it and choose not to.Im a bad dil are'nt I?

OP posts:
Beccagain · 22/09/2013 14:44

Why wouldn't you want to. Sounds fun! Are you jealous of the attention she's getting?

Agree that the sons should get involved too however.

Justforlaughs · 22/09/2013 14:47

It depends on whether she wants help or not. If she asked you to help out, and it wouldn't be too much of a bind, then you would BU to refuse, but if she prefers (like I would) to do it alone then YANBU not to offer, and if you just don't have the time then YANBU either.

BackforGood · 22/09/2013 14:52

What Just said. If the room's been booked, presumably your MiL is inviting who she wants, etc., then there's not a lot that needs 'organising' other than that, and if your SiL is happy to do it, then I can't see it needs other people to help.

mrsjay · 22/09/2013 14:54

some women love to organise birthyday Do's sounds like you dont which is far enough is it becuse your husband isnt that interested that is making you feel meh about the whole thing text your sil ask if there is anything need doing she will probably say no I have it all under control and then leave it and go and enjoy the birthday party, and stop being so miserable about your MILs birthday she is obviously excited

mrsjay · 22/09/2013 14:55

excuse typos

Beccagain · 22/09/2013 14:57

That's the whole point! OP is grumping in advance ' I know SiL is going to be faffing about' etc. But it sounds like it's supposed to be a happy occasion...so I say again why wouldn't she WANT to get stuck in (recent birth/60 hour working week etc being reasonable mitigating cirx imho...).

There is either a mahoosive back story or Pinup is one of life's party poopers....

Beccagain · 22/09/2013 14:59

Nothing wrong with being one of life's party poopers, btw, but be honest about it! OP makes it sound like all the unreasonablility is coming from the other side.

everlong · 22/09/2013 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starfishmummy · 22/09/2013 15:17

I hate parties, so if I was asked to help then I would do so without hesitation, but I wouldn't be doing anything if I wasn't asked. I would just assure it was all in hand

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/09/2013 15:52

I get on really well with my MIL, and I would want to be involved in organising a special party for her.

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 18:49

Far from a party pooper lol-I love a good night out. Sadly this will not be a good night for me as I shall be expected to keep my young dcs sat quietly in restaurant while the rest of them get pissed.

I have posted about mil before-she can be manipulative-but I don't have a problem with her celebrating her birthday. I am just a bitHmm about the fact that I know that her and sil will be bitching about the fact I haven't been involved in any of the organising but as I said-she isn't my mum and my dh wouldn't dream of putting himself out for my family so I suppose that colours my view some what.

If sil asked me to do something then obviously I would but she wont as she loves to play the martyr.

OP posts:
Beccagain · 22/09/2013 18:51

If sil asked me to do something then obviously I would but she wont as she loves to play the martyr.

Sounds like you two have more in common than you think Grin

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 18:55

I am not a martyr-far from it

OP posts:
everlong · 22/09/2013 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:00

But why should I everlong?-she is not my mother after all and dh and his brother are not getting off their arses to do anything or is this only women's work?

OP posts:
Beccagain · 22/09/2013 19:00

I am not a martyr-far from it

Well you're doing a damned fine impersonation a) by getting hot under the collar about what you THINK MIGHT happen, and b) by refusing to tackle it head on (See Everlongs's excellent advice)

Beccagain · 22/09/2013 19:04

or is this only women's work?

In an ideal world, no (see my first response hours ago) in the real world, yes, probably, but ffs no-one's asking you to sweep chimneys. In fact no-one's asked you to do anything yet. They probably know it's not worth the hassle

everlong · 22/09/2013 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:05

I am not hot under the collar-I couldn't care less if they bitch about me. The thing I suppose that is annoying me is that they will not be bitching about dh and bil-her sons-who have not and will not lift a finger to do anything. Oh and they are not even offering to pay for it either! for their own mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:06

So I should help organise the party even though she is not my mum because I am a women? jesus wept we seem to have time travelled back to the 50's...

OP posts:
Beccagain · 22/09/2013 19:06

Beautifully put, again Everlong. Here cop hold of this streamer will you, and then there's some helium balloons that want inflating, and a male stripper to be booked...

everlong · 22/09/2013 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlew · 22/09/2013 19:09

"But why should I everlong?-she is not my mother after alll"

Er, because it's a nice thing to do ?

Beccagain · 22/09/2013 19:09

So I should help organise the party even though she is not my mum because I am a women? (sic)

NO BECAUSE SHE IS YOUR MIL AND IT'S A BIG DEAL FOR HER AND BECAUSE SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR FAVOURITE PERSON.

RobotHamster · 22/09/2013 19:09

Christ, how much organising does it need? Something like what you're suggesting isn't exactly time consuming.

I don't organise anything for the ILs at all. Its DP and SILs job, not mine. I wouldn't expect him to sort something for my parents, funny how its only the women who are deemed capable of doing things like this.

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