Aibu to not help organise mil party?

[Pinupgirl]

Mil got a big birthday coming up and is making a huge song and dance about it.Has booked private room in a restaurant. I know sil is going to be faffing about organising a surprise cake,banner,balloons etc-she did this for fil too.Am I bu to not do this too? Suspect they probably think so but she has 2 sons who could do it and choose not to.Im a bad dil are'nt I?

[Fakebook]

Why do you sound so pleased with yourself? I think it's horrible what's happened.
In our family even if an older relative isn't into celebrating their birthday we still get a cake and balloons for the children to enjoy at least, and this brightens up the atmosphere.

Sounds like you're just as bitter and twisted as your mil.

[Pinupgirl]

Again why all the pissed off-ness at my not getting the cake/balloons when her own sons chose not too? I think some of you really need to question yourselves here-it seems to be ingrained in you that this is some how the women's job.

Noone was at loggerheads do I don't know where you get that impression from?-apart from the crap food a perfectly pleasant time was had. Although dh did spend all day in bed yesterday with a stonking hangover but he will be punished for that.

[silverten]

It'll carry on being perceived as women's work as long as women put up with the assumption that it's their job.

I don't generally take the lead in organising stuff for DH's family as a rule. I don't see why I should maintain his relationship with them if he can't be bothered to.

I do however back him up with whatever is going on and if there is some disagreement over this (eg wedding invitations or party attendances) we thrash it out like adults beforehand so as to present a united front.

[WinkyWinkola]

You and your dh should both have done it together.

Pathetic really.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

"...Its not my job to organise all the birthday celebrations for both my family and dh's everlong just because dh and his brother are too selfish/lazy to do so. Tbh this behaviour is indulged by mil...."

If she has raised her sons to think that catering/cakes/decorations/general party organising are women's work, then she has only herself to blame when they won't get off their backsides to,help organise her birthday party!

[Pinupgirl]

Yep you got it in one SDT-she insists that she doesn't understand why both her sons have turned out so lazy and yet when we go to their house for dinner they are treated like kings!

I am expected to lay the table,fill dishwasher etc-fine don't mind helping but dh and bil don't have to lift a finger and get food/drinks brought to them!

So really mil only has herself to blame!

[perfectstorm]

I'm entertained by how many people on this threat are insisting they're well within their rights to attack the OP for her views on this, because being the better person in any given situation is so terribly important to them.

[Pinupgirl]

Ha ha-well said perfect

[Pinupgirl]

everlong-you have really got your knickers in a twist over this haven't you?

I went to the party.
I helped dh choose a gift I knew mil would like
I kept my dcs entertained and behaving nicely including my toddler who really shouldn't have been there as was poorly but I knew mil would throw a hissy fit if didn't go.
I went back to inlaws house for a few hours-again with a sick child-so that dh and dcs could spend time with them.
I made nice,polite conversation with mil and sil while her husband and 2 sons got merrily pissed.

Are those really the actions of a not nice person?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I feel pretty safe in saying that Pinupgirl might well have done more if her dh and BIL had been more hands-on, and if her relationship with her mil was better. Yes, it is good to be 'the bigger person, but there is a point where you stop being the bigger person, and are just being taken for a mug.

[silverten]

I feel pretty safe in saying that Pinupgirl might well have done more if her dh and BIL had been more hands-on, and if her relationship with her mil was better. Yes, it is good to be 'the bigger person, but there is a point where you stop being the bigger person, and are just being taken for a mug.

Yes. This.

People can't very well expect to be treated nicely if they take any effort made by others, chuck it back in their faces and generally bitch and whine that they wanted more/better/a different colour.

Sounds like you still behaved well in the face of selfish arsery to me, OP.

[perfectstorm]

perfect so being the better person isn't high on your agenda then?

Irony isn't familiar to you, is it, Everlong. The OP knew precisely what I was driving at, but I'll make it simpler for you, as appears necessary.

You've made some really rather nakedly spiteful posts on this thread, while loftily proclaiming the importance of "being the better person". Yes, that amuses me. Utter hypocrisy often does.