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AIBU?

Aibu to not help organise mil party?

141 replies

Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 14:43

Mil got a big birthday coming up and is making a huge song and dance about it.Has booked private room in a restaurant. I know sil is going to be faffing about organising a surprise cake,banner,balloons etc-she did this for fil too.Am I bu to not do this too? Suspect they probably think so but she has 2 sons who could do it and choose not to.Im a bad dil are'nt I?

OP posts:

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Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:09

Male stripper-yuk! I would like to book one though just to see dh and bil face's-mil might like it actually!

OP posts:

everlong · 22/09/2013 19:10

This reply has been deleted

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Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:11

"she gave birth to my favourite person"-yep and that is exactly the same person who is not lifting a finger to do anthing for his mum's party.

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Beccagain · 22/09/2013 19:11

Male stripper-yuk! I would like to book one though just to see dh and bil face's-mil might like it actually!

Hurrah!!!!! Job's a good'un. I knew there would be middle ground if we searched hard enough!

RobotHamster · 22/09/2013 19:11

Just re-read your OP - I did almost the same for my DM. It took about 10 mins to organise when I knew numbers, plus however long it took to collect the baloons.

What exactly would you be helping with

RobotHamster · 22/09/2013 19:12

Mucking in? Bollocks

Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:12

HA HA HA at not go everlong-that is really not an option.

OP posts:

everlong · 22/09/2013 19:13

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everlong · 22/09/2013 19:14

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Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:15

But she isn't my mum and when I have/if I have dil one day then I wouldn't dream of having the same relationship with them that they have with their own mums.

Why does having a pair of ovaries automatically mean that I have to "muck in"-when her own sons clearly cant be arsed too?

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morethanpotatoprints · 22/09/2013 19:17

YABVU if you don't offer to help with something.

Could you perhaps offer to do something small or even something that others are putting off and don't want to do. You'll be thanked for years for that.
I am not very good at fitting in with people organising parties, give me my own project any time.
I know how you feel about the fuss.

Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:18

I don't think mil is a bad person at all everlong-we have had issues in the past with her throwing her toys out of the pram with regards to us going to hers every sunday for dinner. There was also a bit of mardiness when her original date for the party clashed with a very good friends wedding. But in the main I do get on with her and have no problem with celebrating her birthday.

Sil I hardly see and we have absolutely nothing in common.

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morethanpotatoprints · 22/09/2013 19:21

Hey OP,

You could always help by asking them both have you thought of this? Done that? etc.
That would be mean as they'd get really hassled then. But could be funny.

What about booking taxis?

everlong · 22/09/2013 19:21

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Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:23

Fil very kindly offered to book a mini van and pick every one up but we told him we will all just make our own way there.

I have no idea how bil and sil are getting there-they may get a taxi or sil may drive so she can them moan about not being able to have a drink-see what I mean about playing the martyr?

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Pinupgirl · 22/09/2013 19:26

If I was asked to do something then I would happily do it everlong-but I am not going to put myself forward to do stuff when her sons wont simply by dint of being a women.

I suppose my real issue is more with dh and his brother as I think they should be offering to do stuff or should really have organised it-my dsis,my mums friends and I all mucked in when my mum had a special birthday.

OP posts:

everlong · 22/09/2013 19:37

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breatheslowly · 22/09/2013 19:39

YANBU - if you organise a party, then you organise it. You don't book a room and then expect people to sort the party out for you. If she had asked in advance before booking the party then it might be reasonable.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 22/09/2013 19:49

I'm with you OP if your mil has two sons I don't see why you should get flack for not helping if they aren't either

I have sons (lots of them actually ) and I'd be really pissed off if they expected their future partners to do things for me/us if they weren't willing to do it themselves, there's no way it should be 'women's work'

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/09/2013 19:50

Gosh - I think pinupgirl is getting a bit of a hard time. I would be a bit pissed off if I was expected to help organise my MIL's party because dh couldn't be arsed. If he was too busy with work (I am a SAHM), fair enough.

And I don't think it is terribly unreasonable to be reluctant to help organise a party for someone who you don't get on with, and who will bitch about you if you don't help.

Pinupgirl - why don't you do something you can do without having to spend ages conferring with your MIL and SIL - like organising the flowers - ask your SIL what her favourite colours and flowers are, and tell her you will take it from there. Or get your dc to draw her a picture, get it framed, and then they can give it to her at the party. Tat way, no-one can say you haven't done your bit, but you haven't had to be too involved, iyswim.

everlong · 22/09/2013 19:52

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo · 22/09/2013 19:57

dh wouldn't dream of putting himself out for my family so I suppose that colours my view some what.

But you've said he won't be putting himself out for his mum either, so what difference does that make? I don't really understand - you don't want to help but think that they will bitch about you if you don't, but then say that you're not bothered about them bitching, but you think that your husband and hers should be doing more. She seems to have accepted that her husband and his brother won't do anything so has decided to do it herself, and hasn't actually asked you to help so why are you cross? Because you don't think she should be doing it either? Because you think that if your husband doesn't want to do it then nobody should? Do you feel like she's 'covering' for all the people who can't be arsed? Is it annoying you because you think that your annoying MIL deserves for nobody to make an effort on her birthday? These are all genuine questions by the way - you are obviously annoyed about this, but I think you need to be clearer about what is bothering you if you want any sympathy.

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natwebb79 · 22/09/2013 20:01

I'm with the OP.Ok so she hasn't been asked yet but she obviously knows them well enough to know what they're like. And bollocks to 'the girls should all muck in' while the woman's own offspring get to sit and scratch their balls!

Standautocorrected · 22/09/2013 20:08

It's a decent thing to offer to do something, but I understand why you are a bit narked off if dh isn't doing anything and it's his mum!
My dh doesn't organise stuff for his mum. I do sometimes but not all the time.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/09/2013 20:39

Everlong - from what the OP has said, it sounds as if her MIL won't actually ask her to help, but will be all judgemental and pa, if she doesn't offer.

I could have read it all wrong, though.

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