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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu or was my friends reply very bitchy?

166 replies

KatyPurrey · 18/09/2013 15:00

So a couple of weeks ago I organised a night out with friend (let's call her Megan) and a few other friends. Megan agreed to it and said she was looking forward to it.

I text Megan 3 days before I asked if she was still coming, she replied that she was sorry but she was now seeing another friend as this friend had changed her plans last minute and having a leaving party that same night (she is travelling around Asia for a year)

I didn't reply and she text me a further two times apologising. I told her exactly why I was annoyed as I had been looking forward to the night and she had only bothered to tell me when I chased her up on it.

She replied saying that it was never intentional and that she was sorry and as a friend I shouldn't think the worst of her.

The reply annoyed me so I decided to ignore otherwise I would have said something I might regret later.

Back in the present day (2 weeks later after having not spoken in that time), a good friend (a mutual friend too) is having a birthday dinner on Friday, quite last minute plans and I have agreed to go and I assumed as Megan is very close to her she would be going to.

I text her saying that I hope we can forget about our little argument, I know it wasn't intentional and that we can just forgive and forget?

Her response -

I never actually fell out with though. But sure we can just put it behind us.

Aibu to think that it is childish at best, or just plain bitchy?

OP posts:
SlobAtHome · 18/09/2013 18:40

If this is not a reverse IABU then you are pathetic and irrational. Your friend is totally in the right here. She may have been busy and you beat her to it with letting you know.

Get over yourself.

HTH

QuintessentialShadows · 18/09/2013 18:48

Are you this insecure in all your friendships, op?

I think you are upset upon realizing that Megan is a woman with many friends, and she is not bitchy, but very reasonable and this is getting to you. YOU were keen on an evening out with her, but SHE chose to see another friend (understandably as other friend was going away). You have chased up about that evening out on many occasions so must have been really insecure about this.

You have made a point of not being in touch, and she has not even noticed, she has not even realized you had fallen out!

She points this out, and you feel got at.

Yabu. But one question, do you have a crush on Megan?

PrimalLass · 18/09/2013 18:50

Is this some sort of weird reverse AIBU or someone posting in retaliation? There was an almost identical post the other week, but from the other side.

mrstigs · 18/09/2013 19:00

Yes i remember the other post too.
OP you need to let go a bit. You can't control your friends and what you have put here makes you sound really needy and hard work. Im sure you have lots of good points too, but even so if you continue to strop every time you don't get your own way and expect fawning over every time you are upset you will end up lonely. I've had friends like this in the past and you tire of the drama eventually. You need to ask yourself, is this really worth losing a friendship over?

mrstigs · 18/09/2013 19:01

Yes i remember the other post too.
OP you need to let go a bit. You can't control your friends and what you have put here makes you sound really needy and hard work. Im sure you have lots of good points too, but even so if you continue to strop every time you don't get your own way and expect fawning over every time you are upset you will end up lonely. I've had friends like this in the past and you tire of the drama eventually. You need to ask yourself, is this really worth losing a friendship over?

mrstigs · 18/09/2013 19:01

Grrr double posting. stupid phone...

Ledkr · 18/09/2013 19:05

Never mind, it will be better at big school.

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/09/2013 19:07

Yabu.

Not speaking to her for two weeks might be a big deal for you but people lead busy lives so she probably didn't notice.

The correct response to her text would have been "glad to hear it, see you there".

SubliminalMassaging · 18/09/2013 19:09

Blimey Katy, based on your OP alone oyu sound like a bit of a high maintenance needy nightmare. Sorry, but you do.

trixymalixy · 18/09/2013 19:11

I don't think Megan was in the wrong, you were. YABu.

PAsSweetOrangeLurve · 18/09/2013 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waltermittymissus · 18/09/2013 19:18

Never mind, it will be better at big school

Grin Grin Grin

Saffyz · 18/09/2013 19:24

YANBU. If she'd changed her plans, she should have let you know immediately, not wait until you contacted her. As well as apologising profusely for letting you down for a better offer, she should also have suggested another date when you could meet, to make up for it. She's then belittled your feelings, instructing you to maintain a good opinion of her, instead of acknowledging that she can see why it upset you. And now you've gone out of your way to text her a friendly message, to offer to forget what's happened, even though it was her fault not yours. And again she's refusing to acknowledge that there was any problem at all. She doesn't sound like someone who takes responsibility in a friendship, more like someone who thinks sweeping things under the carpet and flashing a smile makes things OK.

Hullygully · 18/09/2013 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

pictish · 18/09/2013 19:32

Sheesh...you do sound a little like a hard slog OP!

QuintessentialShadows · 18/09/2013 20:04

What did Hully say? Shock
IS she drunk again? Wink

Hullygully · 18/09/2013 20:10

I said she was mental!

Wtf was that deleted?

Hullygully · 18/09/2013 20:10

oh fuck it who cares

Playdoughcaterpillar · 18/09/2013 20:12

Where have you gone Katy? I feel a bit sorry for you. I agree you have probably read more into what she said than was intended but that is easy to do if you are feeling cross already. This happens to me sometimes but i think you have to take a deep breath and step back and try and read again with a clear head. Texts can be misinterpreted without being able to hear the tone of voice - you often add your own. Try some others in your head. It sounds to me like she is a really good friend and feels very secure in her friendship with you. I would say to myself - i will try and assume the best because she is my friend and i value her and life is too short for petty misunderstandings. Enjoy your catch up with Megan on Friday x

cocolepew · 18/09/2013 20:25

Megan needs to run for the hills.

MerryMarigold · 18/09/2013 20:30

I think OP already ran for the hills

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 18/09/2013 20:34

Katy you sound incredibly childish. I genuinely cannot see a problem with what she did. Plans change, get over it.

This is the kind of thing my 4 yo and her friends fallout about. Geez!

VodkaJelly · 18/09/2013 20:39

Katy - can you give me Megans phone number, she sounds like a nice and mature friend . I would like her to be my friend.

You on the other hand sound like hard work and i hope Megan wises up and dumps your sorry ass. Too.Much.Hard.Work.

magnumicelolly · 18/09/2013 20:41

Just read the other thread, funny how seeing the OP from this poster puts a totally different spin on it!

MerryMarigold · 18/09/2013 20:42

magnum, where is other thread?