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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu or was my friends reply very bitchy?

166 replies

KatyPurrey · 18/09/2013 15:00

So a couple of weeks ago I organised a night out with friend (let's call her Megan) and a few other friends. Megan agreed to it and said she was looking forward to it.

I text Megan 3 days before I asked if she was still coming, she replied that she was sorry but she was now seeing another friend as this friend had changed her plans last minute and having a leaving party that same night (she is travelling around Asia for a year)

I didn't reply and she text me a further two times apologising. I told her exactly why I was annoyed as I had been looking forward to the night and she had only bothered to tell me when I chased her up on it.

She replied saying that it was never intentional and that she was sorry and as a friend I shouldn't think the worst of her.

The reply annoyed me so I decided to ignore otherwise I would have said something I might regret later.

Back in the present day (2 weeks later after having not spoken in that time), a good friend (a mutual friend too) is having a birthday dinner on Friday, quite last minute plans and I have agreed to go and I assumed as Megan is very close to her she would be going to.

I text her saying that I hope we can forget about our little argument, I know it wasn't intentional and that we can just forgive and forget?

Her response -

I never actually fell out with though. But sure we can just put it behind us.

Aibu to think that it is childish at best, or just plain bitchy?

OP posts:

waltermittymissus · 18/09/2013 16:29

She's right you fell out with ^her. You didn't have a falling out between you.

YWB totally U on both occasions.

You sound exhausting!

BehindLockNumberNine · 18/09/2013 16:30

YouTheCat has it!! Megan has not grovelled and self-flagellated enough so OP considers herself still to be hard done by.

Either put it behind you and remain in a friendship with Megan, or walk away and lose a friend.

whattodoo · 18/09/2013 16:35

I'm off to a birthday dinner on Friday. I hope its not the same one. I suspect your one might be a bit tense.

whattodoo · 18/09/2013 16:36

for the record - YABU.

FixItUpChappie · 18/09/2013 16:37

She said sorry, you did not graciously accept and you want to keep it going 2 weeks later? I think Megan is being nicer than I would!

^^This. Why are you making such a mountain out of a molehill? I'd be annoyed at the drama. Maybe she didn't know about her friends change of plans until near your evening out. She didn't lie to you about it - if she was doing something sneaky she could have told you she was sick or some such.

TeaAndABiscuit · 18/09/2013 16:40

I think there was a post on here about a similar thing a couple of weeks ago. It really doesn't sound like something to fall out over. Unless you are looking for a reason to.

JohnnyUtah · 18/09/2013 16:43

It isn't bitchy. You, however, are reading FAR too much into things here. You sound like hard work, tbh.

Lilacroses · 18/09/2013 16:43

Just stop it Op and move on. Every single person is saying the same thing and that is actually quite rare on Aibu! People have these little "moments" and let each other down in small ways all the time. It is hardly something to dwell on. You are starting to remind me of my neighbour who hasn't spoken to me in weeks since I told her I disliked the fence she had put up between our gardens.....but that's a whole different thread! Move on.

Binkybix · 18/09/2013 16:44

YABU and a bit odd.

AllOverIt · 18/09/2013 16:48

YABU. You sound like the childish one. Why could you not have just talked to get face to face to tell her you were miffed about her last minute change of plans, and then moved on. All this passive aggressive ignoring, and then getting annoyed that she hasn't noticed. Urgh.

You sound like real hard work

MissMalonex2 · 18/09/2013 16:49

Ooo you sound v unreasonable and high maintenance - Megan sounds v patient, I would prob have used it as an excuse to distance myself from you...

pigletmania · 18/09/2013 16:49

You totally overreacted. Nothing wrong or bitchy about her reply. You do sound like you have I shoos.

Ginocchio · 18/09/2013 16:49

TeaAndABiscuit Yes, I thought that. I've just found it and although the details aren't exactly the same, it does sound remarkably like OP's friend's point of view.

pigletmania · 18/09/2013 16:50

I agree missmalone, Megan sounds quite reasonable

TheOneWithTheHair · 18/09/2013 16:58

Link please Ginocchio?

exexpat · 18/09/2013 17:00

Why does not being in contact for two weeks mean you have fallen out? Do you normally spend all day texting each other?

LegArmpits · 18/09/2013 17:03

OP you sound like a nightmare.

maddening · 18/09/2013 17:08

Yabu - it was a leaving do for someone going away for a year so that was understandable- you overreacted after a stoney silence from you and two apologies from her.

Sounds like she let it go and hadn't fallen out with you as you had in your mind.

maddening · 18/09/2013 17:09

Yabu - it was a leaving do for someone going away for a year so that was understandable- you overreacted after a stoney silence from you and two apologies from her.

Sounds like she let it go and hadn't fallen out with you as you had in your mind.

TeamSouthfields · 18/09/2013 17:17

U are the childish one!

TootiesFrootie · 18/09/2013 17:19

Sorry OP but it is another YABU.
I think all her texts have been ok. I wouldn't have had a problem with her cancelling the meal either - she had a good reason and you were going out in a group with other friends.

I think you have been a bit mean to her. Ignoring her original apologies wasn't nice.

If I were you I would apologise to her and say that you have had a rethink and can now see that you have been rude.

TootiesFrootie · 18/09/2013 17:21

Is it possible this is a reverse thread.

I am almost hoping, for the OPs sake, that it is

ThatVikRinA22 · 18/09/2013 17:30

i cant see what the issue you have with your friend is at all? she let you know in advance that a friend who she wont see for a year happened to be having a leaving do that same day - given the cirumstances she chose to go to that (presumably she can see you before this friend again?)

you took offence and sulked and ignored her for 2 weeks.
you made a huge deal of it.
you text saying lets put it behind us.
she said something along lines of ok then, i didnt fall you with you anyway but yes lets move on....

why exactly are you annoyed? its a bit unfathomable. she has agreed to what you suggested - i dont get it?

BrianTheMole · 18/09/2013 17:35

So you ignored her last text even though she apologised to you. And then when you finally text her she tells you she hadn't fallen with you anyway. Sounds like she is being the adult here.

TonytheFish · 18/09/2013 18:10

Yabu, and sound very hard work.

Did you actually go out in the end? After Megan cancelled, as there was a group of you all going? Or did you cut your nose off to spite your face?

And your original reply to her telling you she would not be going as she was now going to a leaving party should have been "oh well, maybe next time" not ignoring the poor woman and making her feel like she had to apologise 3 times! Then ignoring her again for 2 weeks after she apologised a 4th time!

I actually think your friend is UR for not dumping you tbh. It all sounds rather exhausting.

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