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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu or was my friends reply very bitchy?

166 replies

KatyPurrey · 18/09/2013 15:00

So a couple of weeks ago I organised a night out with friend (let's call her Megan) and a few other friends. Megan agreed to it and said she was looking forward to it.

I text Megan 3 days before I asked if she was still coming, she replied that she was sorry but she was now seeing another friend as this friend had changed her plans last minute and having a leaving party that same night (she is travelling around Asia for a year)

I didn't reply and she text me a further two times apologising. I told her exactly why I was annoyed as I had been looking forward to the night and she had only bothered to tell me when I chased her up on it.

She replied saying that it was never intentional and that she was sorry and as a friend I shouldn't think the worst of her.

The reply annoyed me so I decided to ignore otherwise I would have said something I might regret later.

Back in the present day (2 weeks later after having not spoken in that time), a good friend (a mutual friend too) is having a birthday dinner on Friday, quite last minute plans and I have agreed to go and I assumed as Megan is very close to her she would be going to.

I text her saying that I hope we can forget about our little argument, I know it wasn't intentional and that we can just forgive and forget?

Her response -

I never actually fell out with though. But sure we can just put it behind us.

Aibu to think that it is childish at best, or just plain bitchy?

OP posts:
Lovecat · 18/09/2013 15:08

You sound like hard work.

She apologised 3 times, obviously not in a manner grovelling enough for youHmm, she's actually being quite gracious in saying that as far as she's concerned you never fell out in the first place.

I would normally suggest getting on the phone rather than texting, as tone is so difficult to gauge, but quite frankly you seem determined to take offence no matter what she does and I wouldn't want to subject her to that, she sounds quite nice!

Groovee · 18/09/2013 15:08

You seem to have over reacted to the fact that 3 times she did apologise even though she didn't tell you before hand. She's only replied to say that she didn't fall out with you. You were the one having a tantrum about it.

ryangoslinglovesmedamnit · 18/09/2013 15:08

what? OP get a grip.. your friend apologised..several times.

Ragwort · 18/09/2013 15:09

It's a perfectly reasonable reply - you seem to want to make much more out of the whole episode than your friend doesConfused.

And agree with others, for goodness sake don't text over these sorts of things - you just end up agonising over what is written.

If you had 'phoned and said the same, she would have replied with her very reasobale comment and that would have been the end of it.

runningonwillpower · 18/09/2013 15:09

I'm kind of seeing Megan's point of view on this one.

Her text doesn't sound childish or bitchy to me.

ChasedByBees · 18/09/2013 15:09

Another YABU. She sounds pretty reasonable to me. She sent you three apology texts, she was sorry for cancelling the arrangement.

Fakebook · 18/09/2013 15:09

You're just pissed off she didn't react to you ignoring her messages! That's quite attention seeking IMO, ignoring someone's apologies. YABU. Your friend seems sensible and quite mature compared to you.

DuchessFanny · 18/09/2013 15:09

I've read and reread the messages between you and can't see why you're so angry with her ..

Ok so you feel she took a better offer maybe and chose another friend over you, and didn't bother to let you know ?
That can be hurtful and annoying, however she has apologised, more than once and asked you not to think badly of her - which as a friend I think is fair enough

You then ignored her for two weeks, then asked to 'forgive and forget ' she has agreed, despite not feeling she'd fallen out with you in the first place.

I honestly don't see where she has been childish or bitchy ?

animaniac · 18/09/2013 15:09

OP people have to change plans sometimes, things crop up. there were other people on the night out so she didn't leave you in the lurch .

ArgyMargy · 18/09/2013 15:10

YABU for texting instead of calling.

YABVU for writing "I text" instead of "I texted". Gah!

SugarHut · 18/09/2013 15:10

Yes YABU. She made plans with you, and cancelled, which was a little rude to do, but for an acceptable reason. This travelling friend had just thrown a last minute leaving do, so she couldn't have given you any more notice and might have been just about to let you know you she couldn't make it with you when you msgd her chasing her. The friend travelling couldn't be cancelled and rescheduled, and in a nutshell you could. She then apologises twice when you ignore her.

If it was a big occasion like your 21st/30th/40th etc, and she cancelled for the leaving do, then it would be understandable to be miffed. As you don't state it was any particular occasion, why couldn't you have just said, "That's a real shame, I was looking forward to it so much, right, next weekend it is then, and first round is on you :)" Why couldn't you just do another night anyway? People cancel, for all kinds of reasons.

There is also nothing wrong with either the text msg you sent, or the one she sent back.

Crinkle77 · 18/09/2013 15:10

YABU. She has not blown you off on a whim. Her friend is going away for a year so she wants to see her off which is fair enough. maybe she had only just found out about the going away party and had not had chance to let you know immediately.

YouTheCat · 18/09/2013 15:11

It was hardly last minute though and the OP was going out with other people too so not like the night out depended on 'Megan' turning up.

Are you 9?

spence82 · 18/09/2013 15:11

OP it sounds like you are looking for something that isn't there and are looking for an argument with her.

Yes its crappy that she cancelled on you but it was for a good reason.

Lilacroses · 18/09/2013 15:11

Jeez, it's annoying if you were looking forward to it but these things happen. She cancelled a night out at fairly short notice, it is not something to fall out about, it may be slightly annoying. You really need to get a sense of perspective.

Ifancyashandy · 18/09/2013 15:12

You can't see that it was totally fine for her to cancel (especially as there was a group of you going out, thus she wasn't totally cancelling your night out) in order to attend the leaving do of someone who was heading away for a year and had only just changed her/their plans? Gosh, not terribly understanding of you OP.

And she apologised 3 times. Her reply to your last text was perfectly re seasonable. And, to my mind, somewhat restrained given your dramatic ways.

Lilacroses · 18/09/2013 15:13

Plus behaving like this does not make people want to make plans with you. They will start to avoid doing so if you overreact if they have to cancel, as people sometimes do.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 18/09/2013 15:15

YABU! Her reply was fine, you overreacted in the first place.

KellyElly · 18/09/2013 15:15

You sound incredibly hard work. She comes across much better in the situation you have described than you. She apologised twice to you over a night out and rather than just leaving it and saying ok you had to get your point across. You sound very intense in your friendships, as if you are treating it as the kind of friendship you have as a teenager as opposed to an adult friendship. If I was your friend I would be thinking long and hard about if I wanted a friend like you.

bootsycollins · 18/09/2013 15:17

Yawn

yegodsandlittlefishes · 18/09/2013 15:18

I could see how your friend could be in the situation of her travelling friend (one going to Asia) trying to rearrange her leaving dinner and trying to get as many people to go. I've been in that situation, you say the other nights you prefer but the host has to make a decision. You have to wait until you hear back about which day it will change to (even if your friend had known it was going to change for a week, she might have only just heard that there was a clash when you texted, or was planning to leave it until she could call you later.

I think you have misunderstood her and you owe her the apology. She's right, don't assume the worst about her!

TidyDancer · 18/09/2013 15:21

I understand your initial annoyance at not being told Megan wasn't coming until she chased it up, but really an apology from Megan should've been enough. You got the apology but then created drama which really wasn't necessary. She had a good reason for cancelling on you, and sure she should've let you know before you had to chase her, but the really wasn't any need for what followed.

TidyDancer · 18/09/2013 15:22

Until YOU chased it up, I meant.

BuskersCat · 18/09/2013 15:23

Are you 14 OP?

DidoTheDodo · 18/09/2013 15:23

I just misread your post as "travelling round Asda for a year".

Coat-getting time.

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