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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu or was my friends reply very bitchy?

166 replies

KatyPurrey · 18/09/2013 15:00

So a couple of weeks ago I organised a night out with friend (let's call her Megan) and a few other friends. Megan agreed to it and said she was looking forward to it.

I text Megan 3 days before I asked if she was still coming, she replied that she was sorry but she was now seeing another friend as this friend had changed her plans last minute and having a leaving party that same night (she is travelling around Asia for a year)

I didn't reply and she text me a further two times apologising. I told her exactly why I was annoyed as I had been looking forward to the night and she had only bothered to tell me when I chased her up on it.

She replied saying that it was never intentional and that she was sorry and as a friend I shouldn't think the worst of her.

The reply annoyed me so I decided to ignore otherwise I would have said something I might regret later.

Back in the present day (2 weeks later after having not spoken in that time), a good friend (a mutual friend too) is having a birthday dinner on Friday, quite last minute plans and I have agreed to go and I assumed as Megan is very close to her she would be going to.

I text her saying that I hope we can forget about our little argument, I know it wasn't intentional and that we can just forgive and forget?

Her response -

I never actually fell out with though. But sure we can just put it behind us.

Aibu to think that it is childish at best, or just plain bitchy?

OP posts:

RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown · 18/09/2013 15:28

You sound draining OP! She isn't being bitchy just telling you there was no problem her end and she's happy to move on from it.

Wowserz129 · 18/09/2013 15:28

OP I am afraid you are the one who has handled the who thing in a very childish manner. I haven't read one thing that sounds bad from her. She apologised 3 times for missing the night out and you still ignored her and chose to be a immature little madam. Thank goodness my friends don't require such hard work!

reggiebean · 18/09/2013 15:29

Dido I did too... Had to re-read because I couldn't get my head around that sort of hell

OP, YABVVVU. It's an adult response to a childish issue. Let it go and move on. As someone else said, the appropriate response would be, "Great, see you Friday x"

Maggietess · 18/09/2013 15:29

I'm with the rest of the thread - yabu!
Fair enough to be annoyed at the initial cancellation (or rather lack of cancellation), I hate when people let you down but don't bother to tell you they're letting you down til you chase them.

BUT it was a reasonable excuse, she was very apologetic, and she followed it up being more apologetic and clearly thought (reasonably imo) that was it. You stewed in your annoyance for next few weeks and then sent her a let's be friends text, clearly looking for further grovelling from her and for her to be thankful you still want to be her friend... as a few people have sid your reaction seems very primary school!

These things happen - if she cancels on you every time then different story, move on. But one cancellation, for a good reason, with 3 apologies and you don't like her text saying we didn't fall out??!!! I think yabu!

ThePuffyShirt · 18/09/2013 15:35

Wowzer - total over-reaction OP. Move on.

YouTheCat · 18/09/2013 15:38

If I was going to spend a year in Asda, I'd want a party too.

LazyGaga · 18/09/2013 15:38

Oh God.

YABUYABUYABUYABUYABU.....

PresidentServalan · 18/09/2013 15:42

You totally over reacted. YABU - you sound about 12 years old.

pinkpeoniesplease · 18/09/2013 15:43

YABU and a high maintenance friend.

gamerchick · 18/09/2013 15:43

You sound like how my daughter and her friends are with each other.. are you 18 OP? It's exhausting listening to them sometimes.

garlicbaguette · 18/09/2013 15:47

Another YABU from me, I'm afraid. The travelling friend's leaving do couldn't be rearranged, as friend will not be here. You can't possibly think you take priority over a one-time-only event like that? Megan apologised for not letting you know sooner.

She also told you she didn't feel she'd fallen out with you, so there's nothing to see here. Be gracious :)

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 18/09/2013 15:47

Loving the travelling in Asda typo!

StuntGirl · 18/09/2013 15:50

Sorry OP, another YABU from me.

I get that you were annoyed about her not telling you her plans til you chased her up, but yeah, she wasn't being bitchy or rude in her subsequent responses. You were a l'il bit though...

VBisme · 18/09/2013 15:54

Yep, YABU, but I expect you've got the message by now.

Original poster

KatyPurrey · 18/09/2013 15:54

Loving the travelling in Asda typo!

There wasn't a typo.

OP posts:

ShakeAndVac · 18/09/2013 15:54

YABU. I'm usually the first to be pissed off if someone cancels on me as they've got a better offer, but that's not the case here, is it?!
Her friend threw a last minute leaving party. As in, she's going, schlepping off to another continent.
Not just a random night out. What was she supposed to do? Miss her seeing off party for a night out, a friend she won't see for a year, when she could arrange with you for a week after or something?
Then she apologised repeatedly and you ignored her. Then she said she'd never fallen out with you in the first place over it.
Where on earth has she been bitchy?! She sounds nice!

PatriciaHolm · 18/09/2013 15:54

I expect she had forgotten all about it until you texted her! She never saw it as an argument, it was over for her within a day or so. You are (again) seeing offence where none was meant.

Do you often have little fallings out with people,OP? I used to know someone who did and invariably it was someone else's fault, they had been rude, etc, when the problem was her overanalysing and nitpicking everything everyone said. It was quite exhausting.

YouTheCat · 18/09/2013 15:55

True, it was a misread rather than a typo.

It was a funny one though. I misread 'Live Sports' as 'live sprouts' once and was chuckling maniacally to myself for ages.

Zoe678 · 18/09/2013 15:58

The other friend will be away for a year. Id ask yourself why you fear being put second S0 much. Were u put second before?

WoTmania · 18/09/2013 16:00

YABU - I think you're making too much of it. Her response was to the point as she didn't realise that you'd 'fallen out' with her and taken umbrage.

Zoe678 · 18/09/2013 16:00

Uthecat

Zoe678 · 18/09/2013 16:00

Id go back to her and say sorry for over reacting.

PeppiNephrine · 18/09/2013 16:02

You sound like hard work, to be honest. Her reply wasnt bitchy at all, you made a big fuss about a little thing.

BehindLockNumberNine · 18/09/2013 16:03

You were the one that decided you two had fallen out, she did not think you had fallen out.
Therefore, when you asked if you could put it behind you she was (quite rightly) a bit bemused and said she had never fallen out with you in the first place.

Therefore, you are making a mountain of a molehill and she is mature and sensible and did not fall out over something really not worth falling out over...

So let it drop and move on.

Lexiesinclair · 18/09/2013 16:06

YABU. I love how the only comeback you have made was that you didn't make a typo.

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