To get pissed off with folk who say they can't afford to get married?

[MmmmWhiteWine]

I have a friend who has been with her fiancé for ~10 years. They have 2 children together and seem v happy together. But she is always going on about how she wishes they could get married but they just can't afford it. However her idea of a wedding seems to be a massive, formal do, stag and hen abroad etc, etc.....just a massive expense really.

AIBU (and really old fashioned) to think that weddings don't need to cost a king's ransom and that they shouldn't be using finances as the excuse why they "can't" get married?

[Writerwannabe83]

My 'honeymoon' was also a one night stay in a nearby Spa-Hotel where we had a nice meal and a massage

[Plus3]

YABU she is happy with her family. She probably thinks about getting married, then thinks about what else that money could be spent on. Probably dreams of just doing it, as a little family but knows (add names as appropriate) would be annoyed that they hadn't been invited.
They probably haven't got married because time is running away from them, and it has become a bigger deal then it needs to be.

Why does it matter to you anyway? The amount of time and energy spent disparaging another people's choices constantly amazes me. Congratulations on being so smug and RIGHT.

[WorrySighWorrySigh]

Even if you cant afford the wedding that you want you do have to ask yourself if your future is so guaranteed that you can afford not to have the wedding you can afford.

It is all very well holding out for your perfect dream wedding but in the mean time you dont have the protection of marriage. It may not be perfect protection but it is a damn sight better than none at all.

[Sparklingbrook]

I have never understood families getting all het up about weddings. We didn't invite any family beyond Mums Dads and siblings. That way nobody could have the hump, because none of them were invited.

[MissAntithetic]

We will be making it priority over the next year or two seen as we now have dd.

I just want to run off and do it. But I'm the only girl in a huge family so even though I only want a small do even inviting parents on both sides and siblings partners and children it goes well over 40 and our registry office only holds 35 guests. It's a nightmare tbh. I don't want the dress or the party. I just want us to be married!

[Perihelion]

Agree with worrysigh, can you afford not too. Being married, means that if the worst happened and your husband/civil partner dies then you can claim Widow's Parent Allowance, based on their national insurance contributions. Up to approx £100 a week while in reciept of child benefit. It's not romantic.....

[RedSaucePlease]

Yabu. None of your business how anyone else chooses to live their lives.

[sameoldIggi]

Lalalabouef, you are quite old fashioned when it comes to marriage aren't you - how do you know it isn't the woman who doesn't want to marry, and the man who does? Or that proposals don't have to come from the one with the penis? For many people the legal security offered by marriage only becomes important after children I would imagine.
However, expecting other people to be overly excited over any wedding - virginal maiden or not - is definitely unreasonable!

[RedSaucePlease]

LaLaLa, how sad that you can't find it within yourself to be happy for people announcing their engagements because they already have children.

[Sparklingbrook]

Red there would be no MN or AIBU if everyone minded their own business.

[Screwfox]

i think there should be a ban on engagements longer than a year

Boooooring

[Screwfox]

and ANYONE who says fiance for someone they have lived with for 5 years and not married is in fact a bit of a twat

[Sparklingbrook]

Screwfox. I think the word fiance is really silly.

[RedSaucePlease]

Heaven forbid everyone minded their own business and MN/aibu ceased to exist :P

Completely agree about the word fiance Sparkling :-)


I still think OP shouldn't be getting "pissed off" about other people's choices.

[Screwfox]

sparkers - we are As one AGAin

[Sparklingbrook]

I do know what you mean Red, and yes at MN not existing and we have to not ask internet strangers for their opinions.

Screw

[rockybalboa]

YANBU. The cost of actually getting married is minimal. The cost of having a wedding is whatever you make it. It is a bullshit excuse.

[Screwfox]

i know od someone who did it at lunchtime ( after a morning at work) then bought some champers and nibbles from marks and went home

[QueenStromba]

Thanks to everyone who congratulated me :)

Having been engaged for two whole days now I have had the following requests with regards to the wedding:

1. Wait until my mother's rabbit dies because she has nobody to look after him.
   
2. Don't do it in the summer because air fare from Hong Kong is really expensive then.
   
3. Request for an invite from someone who isn't a close friend.
   
4. Someone DF works with wants us to get his wife to do the cake.
   
   I can kind of see what people mean when they say it's too much hassle.
   
   The only one of those I'm going to accommodate is not doing it in the summer because:
   
5. I don't want to get married in the summer anyway for various reasons such as wedding dresses are big, heavy and generally close fitting - not good summer attire.
   
6. It's very important to me that this particular friend comes because he introduced me to DP and I feel bad enough that he has to come all the way from Hong Kong for it.
   
   Although the not very close friend will get an evening invite if we decide to do them and we might get the wife to do the cake if she's any good and reasonably priced.

[SpottyDottie]

I think so much emphasis is put on the day itself that many people forget their lives to come afterwards. iyswim. I don't understand the getting in crazy debt for one day.

DH and I married in a registry office with a few friends and family, then back to our house for some drinks. It was the best day of my life.

[Sparklingbrook]

It's a bit like when people plan to 'have a baby' and fail to realise that at some point they will 'have a teenager'.

So much is made of the pregnancy and birth-very little thought about the next 18 years.

[MadameLeBean]

Queen it's a slippery slope you are on there

[Snoopingforsoup]

Blimey, did we win the war?
Some people here are firmly stuck in 1948 reading some of the posts. I've had a hearty chuckle.

Each to their own, I can't get in a flap about not giving two flying fucks about a wedding, but DAMN I wish I could have the legal rights it gives you. That's all I'll be doing it for when I can prioritise the spend over the list in front of it.

I have everything else in my DP (and DC and cat) that I could wish for. And I found that happiness without a dress, a cake, a party or a cheap £1 register office.

Imagine that!

[TheYamiOfYawn]

I would be quite happy to marry DP in a registry office with 2 witnesses. However, his family would be very hurt if we got married without them. And my family would be hurt if his family were invited and they weren't. And my family mostly live abroad and don't get on with each other. So getting married without causing lots of other people to be sad would involve inviting lots of family members plus enough other guests to dilute my relatives a bit, and by that point it would be a fairly elaborate affair and we would rather spend the money on something else.

I am considering just biting the bullet and suggesting to DP that we get married anyway with a shortish notice open invitation to a celebratory lunch afterwards to any family members who can be bothered coming as I do worry about him dying/being very seriously ill.