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AIBU?

To get pissed off with folk who say they can't afford to get married?

244 replies

MmmmWhiteWine · 11/09/2013 23:37

I have a friend who has been with her fiancé for ~10 years. They have 2 children together and seem v happy together. But she is always going on about how she wishes they could get married but they just can't afford it. However her idea of a wedding seems to be a massive, formal do, stag and hen abroad etc, etc.....just a massive expense really.

AIBU (and really old fashioned) to think that weddings don't need to cost a king's ransom and that they shouldn't be using finances as the excuse why they "can't" get married?

OP posts:

Report

WeileWeileWaile · 12/09/2013 00:59

Congratulations Queen

WeileWeileWaile · 12/09/2013 00:59

Congratulations Queen

WeileWeileWaile · 12/09/2013 00:59

Congratulations Queen

WeileWeileWaile · 12/09/2013 00:59

Congratulations Queen

WeileWeileWaile · 12/09/2013 00:59

Bum!

DameDeepRedBetty · 12/09/2013 01:04

Congratulations from me too Queen, although hopefully not as often as WeileWeileWaile

I too have been 'engaged' for approximately 17 years now. Although mostly for tax reasons....

MummyBeerest · 12/09/2013 01:11

Oh! Damn slow typing. ..congratulations Queen!

GoshAnneGorilla · 12/09/2013 01:17

YANBU. I cannot understand why people are so fixated over big weddings, it's marriage that is the important bit.

BraveLilBear · 12/09/2013 04:06

Marriage is much more important than a wedding. But part of a wedding is asking those present to help support the marriage- which is just as it should be.

Yes you can get married on a shoestring, but many people believe in doing it the once, and doing it properly.

It may wrong for families to force expectations on couples, but often the expectation comes in the form ofexpecting an invite. When big families are involved the pressure is immense. And frankly it wouldn't feel right for us to get married without having our large families present.

Even ruling out anything fancy it will take us a couple of years to be able to afford a modest wedding.

YABU. But I can see how it would be annoying to keep hearing someone whinge about it.

CairngormsClydesdale · 12/09/2013 05:18

YANBU.

"Doing it properly" means spending xk? Oh the humanity!

Mind you OP, some people are just dumb as rocks. I once new a chap who said condoms were too expensive. Guess how that one ended!

frogspoon · 12/09/2013 06:05

YABU to judge them on their life decisions.

But if they moan about them all the time YANBU to get annoyed by the moaning.

SubliminalMassaging · 12/09/2013 06:16

YANBU. and I don't understand all this living together and having a couple of kids first and then having a huge white wedding a few years later.

MammaTJ · 12/09/2013 06:23

YANBU. and I don't understand all this living together and having a couple of kids first and then having a huge white wedding a few years later.

Luckily for you, I'm not asking you to understand it! My life is not your business!

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/09/2013 06:52

You would think that with the MiL. Childfree, have to invite my DNephews/Nieces, Family I haven't seen for X years, Estranged parents, Bride/guestzilla, didn't tell anyone we got married wedding threads on here. Posters would understand that organising a wedding/getting married to suit yourself is really quite difficult.

RafflesWay · 12/09/2013 06:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BraveLilBear · 12/09/2013 07:44

Raffles I'm sorry about your experiences. It's not always that straightforward though. My DP and I met when we were 30. Quite soon we realised we wanted to commit to each other and started looking at getting married. However when we realised that we would need to save up for years to afford a wedding we decided to have children first because at aged over 30, we didn't know if our fertility would be affected.

DS was born 7weeks ago. We're planning to marry in 2 years or so.

soontobeburns · 12/09/2013 07:54

Against the grain YABU.

I cant afford to get Married. Yes I could afford the wedding and all I want is an in and out job and would do it tomorrow if I could.....but I cant afford to be married.

Im working nmw and he isnt and we both live at home. So yes we could get married but we would have nowhere to live as we can't afford rent. I dont wanna get married and not live together in our own place.

flowery · 12/09/2013 07:58

" I was the product of an unmarried couple who split when I was under 5. Mother went on to marry someone else shortly afterwards. They had 2 children of their own - no contact with my "father" - and I was most definitely the odd one out."

Sounds like you had a rough time, but do you honestly think none of that would have happened if your parents had been married?

I do struggle to understand why people get engaged to be married if they have no intention of actually getting married.

RafflesWay · 12/09/2013 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PartyOrganisor · 12/09/2013 08:08

I would also say that in the UK, I would always be married if you have children, mainly because you are much better protected by the law (and your dcs too).

soon it is a different situation though isn't it? The Op is talking about a couple living together under the same roof, who have 2 dcs already.

Yes what it means is they can't have the big party they would like. But it does bear the question on whether they would be getting married for the marriage or for the party if they were to have the money to do it.

reggiebean · 12/09/2013 08:12

YABU. It (should be) a once-in-a-lifetime event, and if you want a big do, that's your right. Yes, you can technically get married for very little, but many people want their family and friends as part of that day, so it's not unreasonable to save up for it and put it off until you can have what you want.

However, if they're not actually saving towards it and just moaning about it, then YANBU.

ImpatientOne · 12/09/2013 08:12

YANBU and I agree with the other posters differentiating between marriage & a wedding.

I honestly think waiting/saving for a huge expensive wedding puts more pressure on people to have some perfect fairy tale event which is so stressful you can completely loose the meaning.

On numerous occasions when planning our wedding I was asked about our food, dresses, hotel etc. but very rarely were people interested in the actual ceremony plans. I find it sad that the ceremony can feel like the most insignificant part & something to 'get through' to get to the booze, food & presents...

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PartyOrganisor · 12/09/2013 08:13

Yes agree with Raffles too. You can separate the 'legal side of things' with a marriage at the registry office and the 'party side of things' to do later on.

When O got married, we had litttle money. We got married on a shoe string (I mean a lot of the things we did were on a 'swap basis'. You do the catering, we will do X for you type of things). We had family around and a small wedding. The important bit was the marriage not the party.

soontobeburns · 12/09/2013 08:13

Yes PartyOrganisor I suppose it is. Just my own annoyance that we cant ger married ourselves. I suppose thinking about in context of the op YANBU but devils advocate here

RafflesWay · 12/09/2013 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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