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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about girls in boys clothing?

128 replies

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 12:50

Do you think there is a time when it starts to look as though people dressing their girls in very obviously 'boys' clothing are trying to make some sort of statement?

I'm asking this from the point of view that I do dress my 20mo in boys clothing. My personal taste isn't for soft pinks, dresses etc so she lives in leggings, jeans, and bright colours - looking at the other toddler girls I see, DD is dressed by far the least 'girly'/'feminine' of them all. What got me thinking today was I just ordered some winter stuff, most of it from the boys range, and most of it really quite stereotypically boyish - a blue ski jacket, Batman wellies, a dark beanie hat, that sort of thing. I can picture that at a first glance, especially if you can't see her long hair, she would look like a boy in her outdoor kit.

Now I don't particularly care what other people think - you dress your kid how you want to until they start expressing their own opinion, as far as I'm concerned. I buy what I like. I buy things like Batman wellies because they are cool, and DP will love them. But do you think, as children get older, whether other people do start to make judgements - things like "oh, they must have wanted a son" - and whether you are not doing your child any favours my putting them in clothes which to others scream a particular gender? I'll admit I have never seen a young boy in leggings yet, so no matter what top or colours a baby is wearing, I would see leggings and assume the child was a girl. Other people would probably see a blue coat and Batman wellies and assume the child was a boy.

Obviously there's a huge debate that goes alongside this about gender stereotypes for children, but that thought in itself makes me wonder if you can go too far trying to be gender neutral. But I'm looking at what I'm wearing at work today and, yes, it is gender-specific. Pretty much all my adult clothes are, regardless of their colour. So is this the same for children?

OP posts:
SalaciousBCrumb · 11/09/2013 12:53

If your daughter is anything like mine (and my son, come to that) you'll discover pretty soon that she has very strong ideas about what she wants to wear, and any questions about you "putting them in clothes" at all will become fairly academic.

I wouldn't buy either of my small children a dark beanie, because I think brighter the better, especially for outdoor winter clothes!

redskyatnight · 11/09/2013 12:55

When DD was little she got dressed in her brother's old clothes.
(realise this is not the point you are making).

Sirzy · 11/09/2013 12:56

I think your over thinking. I buy clothes for DS that I like, now he is nearly 4 he sometimes picks things himself he likes.

it only becomes an issue if you stop them having certain (otherwise suitable) clothes because they don't meet your ideas.

BarbarianMum · 11/09/2013 12:58

I think you are over-thinking a bit. Parents who use their children to make a 'statement' are odd. So if anyone is rude enough to think that is what you are doing feel free to ignore them.

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 12:59

Oh, completely, salacious, and I have a sneaky feeling that very soon the house will be full of pink and frills and bows, and that doesn't bother me in the slightest. But naturally as a parent you buy the clothes that appeal to you, don't you? I look at a rack of t-shirts and I am drawn towards the yellows, blues and greens rather than the peaches and lilacs and Tatty Teddy tops. At the moment I buy her Batman wellies because, damn it, they are cool. But I do seem to be in a distinct and rather tiny minority of parents I know who is defaulting in almost every item of clothing to the tomboy/boy style. It's a bit of a joke amongst them sometimes.

OP posts:
ebwy · 11/09/2013 13:02

eldest child is a boy, we have always dressed him in "boys clothes" and yet because he has blonde curls it's frequently assumed he's a girl.

I wouldn't worry.

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 13:02

And I know what you mean about over-thinking - I'm not overthinking about DD, but just in general - you know how threads about overly pink stuff come up on here quite often? I was just musing over whether it works the other way (and using my DD as an example).

OP posts:
GingerBlackAndOriental · 11/09/2013 13:04

I've bought stuff from the boys section before for my 18 month old. Everything in the girls section was candy puff pink or a variation of.Hmm

There were a lovely bright set of red and blue clothes in the boys section.

I prefer bright bold colours as opposed to pastels. I don't do it to make a point, and never considered others would think that.

SneakyBiscuitEater · 11/09/2013 13:07

My DD1 is making her own point (obviously heavily influenced by DH and me) by dressing in 'boys' clothes. She is 4 and was invited to a Pirates and Princesses party she chose to be a pirate, the only female one there. She looked great, and in her words princesses are rubbish.

I don't think people assume we'd have rather had a son, we have a long haired 7yo son who loves to draw and paint and read Enid Blyton.

DD1 was horrified by her new school uniform that you wear a dress and socks and nothing over the top of your knickers. She would have preferred shorts like the boys but it isn't in the uniform. Grrrr

partybags · 11/09/2013 13:07

I agree.

I bought what I liked (rather than what society expected) for my dc.

this meant that: dd1 had a lot of bright colours, and trousers/jumpers tended to be from the boys range (not necessarily 'overtly' boyish, as I don't like all the 'Cheeky Monkey' crap, but at the same time, if you want any colour other than pink/purple/lilac, you have to look in the boys' section, ime)

dd2 wore these too as a baby. she was, however tiny, and a slow grower, and so grew into an opinion (and loved pink/purple/glitter) quicker than she outgrew all the trousers. she also only grew into all the pink/glitter stuff after she went to school. before that, she was fine with bright colours, and loved yellow in particular.

ds (still a baby) wears what ever is to hand, as he doesn't need much new. incidentally, he is the only one of mine to wear leggings Grin. dd1 it was too cold, and dd2 opted for skirts/dresses from around 18 months. ds is today wearing a lovely pair of rainbow stripe leggings shunned by dd2 when she was about 2, and looks very fetching in them Grin

Saffyz · 11/09/2013 13:10

It's a very sensible way of making sure not everything is pink/sequinned/frilly/princessy. Not that many decades ago, there would be far more practical clothes available for girls.

If other people think a blue jacket shouts "boy" that's their problem - it doesn't.

LongTailedTit · 11/09/2013 13:14

I get what you mean, but I wouldn't give it a second thought if I were you.

DSs first day at preschool yesterday and I took ages to cotton on to the fact that the child next to us was a girl. Shortish curly hair, baggy jeans, striped top - only realised she was a girl when her mum called her by name! I had assumed boy as most people around here over-pink their girls. I then thought how nicely she was dressed Confused.

Most toddlers look fairly gender neutral, if it wasn't for their hair and clothes most of us couldn't tell boy/girl.

I sometimes wonder why we feel we need to know what gender babies/small children are, it means nothing at that age.

Scholes34 · 11/09/2013 13:15

Pink and frills and bows isn't necessarily inevitable. It wasn't for DD. I've always bought bright, deep colours, rather than anything pastel. DD has now dug out my 80s clothes from the back of the wardrobe and none of that is pink, or frilly or topped with bows.

RavenVonChaos · 11/09/2013 13:16

My dd's 8 and 12 routinely choose stuff from the boys section of h&m. Baggier shorts and t shirts etc. better colours and no girlie motifs. Long may it continue...

TerraNotSoFirma · 11/09/2013 13:20

Don't see a problem with it unless your DD was old enough to request a certain colour and you were 'making' her get a different one iykwim.
My DD is almost 2 years older than DS and I buy most things from the boys dept. so that I can hand them down to DS. Things like waterproof all-in-ones, wellies, duffle coats.

BrokenSunglasses · 11/09/2013 13:20

Yes, I think there does come a time when it looks like you are trying to make a statement by dressing your girl in boys clothes, because you can avoid all the pink frill if you want to and still buy girls clothes.

It really doesn't matter though, I can't see why anyone would care what you dress your child in as long as the clothes are weather appropriate.

SneakyBiscuitEater lots of the girls at our school wear white shorts under their summer dresses, like short leggings. I'd do that if I had girls, especially as they sit cross legged so much of the time.

EauRouge · 11/09/2013 13:21

Both my DDs have a fair amount of "boy" clothes, for several reasons-

A lot of it is more practical
They like dinosaurs and Spiderman
We get a lot of stuff second-hand so there's not so much choice

If anyone thinks that we dress them that way because we wanted a son, then Biscuit to them.

HandMini · 11/09/2013 13:23

I have a 26mo girl. I shop for her in the girls sections, but I do avoid pinky / girly / frilly stuff. I buy plain tops and leggings. There are plenty of spots / stripes / plain brights. If I saw a top or leggings I liked in the boys section, I would buy it

I would avoid overtly "boyish" logos, like Batman, because I think that's my choice not hers, and I think an obvious conclusion is that she / we (her parents) are steering towards a "boy" choice and that's not the case. Equally I wouldn't buy her an obvious "girl" choice like Hello Kitty because, again, i dint want to steer her (or steer my own thinking towards that).

I don't think its hard to buy clothes that are fairly gender neutral.

noblegiraffe · 11/09/2013 13:23

Surprised that you're claiming the boy section is full of bright colours, many threads on here moan about how clothes for boys are all sludgy brown with "I'm a little shit" emblazoned on them.

I was worried from reading threads here about how my DD would be forced to dress in pink, but so far it has been quite easy to avoid without having to head to the boys section.

HandMini · 11/09/2013 13:24

When she's old enough to choose, I will show her clothes / logos from all sections.

valiumredhead · 11/09/2013 13:24

I think you are over thinkingGrin

Sirzy · 11/09/2013 13:25

I have never had any problems finding bright coloured clothes for DS, he rarely wears jeans we have chinos in a variety of colours instead.

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes · 11/09/2013 13:26

I have 2 sons and the smaller one (1 year old)often wears leggings, in fact come to think of it my older ds (5) asked for leggings of his own when he saw them and has a black pair(from girls dept) he likes to wear to his drama class and elsewhere. I warned him that some daft people might tell him leggings are just for girls but he didn't care. I've also bought older ds skinny jeans from the girls section of H&M which hilariously my ex didn't like him wearing because they had a leopard print lining on the waistband - on the INSIDE where you couldn't even see it. Bright clothes are much nicer than pastels and if I had had a daughter or if I have one in future I'm sure I'll do the same as you and put her in whatever clothes are nicest/most practical regardless of which section of the shop they come from. It's all just a load of culturally constructed bollocks really anyway isn't it?
Your daughter sounds cool.

WilsonFrickett · 11/09/2013 13:27

I think it's a real shame that everything has to be gendered. So much so that, instead of being able to make a choice to simply dress your child in the colours you like, your preferences have to take you over to the 'boys' side of the store. Do you see what I mean? Why are clothes for 20mo children even organised like this in the first place? Why can't there just be a rainbow of clothes that you can choose from, without having to assess along gender lines?

So although I think you're overthinking it to an extent, I'm not surprised that you are, iyswim. Because you always, as a parent, have to think about what 'section' you're in when you're clothes shopping.

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes · 11/09/2013 13:28

Both my sons are so beautiful(slightly biased obv.!) with such long lashes that they are often assumed to be girls no matter what they're wearing.