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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about girls in boys clothing?

128 replies

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 12:50

Do you think there is a time when it starts to look as though people dressing their girls in very obviously 'boys' clothing are trying to make some sort of statement?

I'm asking this from the point of view that I do dress my 20mo in boys clothing. My personal taste isn't for soft pinks, dresses etc so she lives in leggings, jeans, and bright colours - looking at the other toddler girls I see, DD is dressed by far the least 'girly'/'feminine' of them all. What got me thinking today was I just ordered some winter stuff, most of it from the boys range, and most of it really quite stereotypically boyish - a blue ski jacket, Batman wellies, a dark beanie hat, that sort of thing. I can picture that at a first glance, especially if you can't see her long hair, she would look like a boy in her outdoor kit.

Now I don't particularly care what other people think - you dress your kid how you want to until they start expressing their own opinion, as far as I'm concerned. I buy what I like. I buy things like Batman wellies because they are cool, and DP will love them. But do you think, as children get older, whether other people do start to make judgements - things like "oh, they must have wanted a son" - and whether you are not doing your child any favours my putting them in clothes which to others scream a particular gender? I'll admit I have never seen a young boy in leggings yet, so no matter what top or colours a baby is wearing, I would see leggings and assume the child was a girl. Other people would probably see a blue coat and Batman wellies and assume the child was a boy.

Obviously there's a huge debate that goes alongside this about gender stereotypes for children, but that thought in itself makes me wonder if you can go too far trying to be gender neutral. But I'm looking at what I'm wearing at work today and, yes, it is gender-specific. Pretty much all my adult clothes are, regardless of their colour. So is this the same for children?

OP posts:
epic78 · 11/09/2013 19:12

My dd hates dresses and skirts. Often se buy girls shirts etc but ee do get zome boys stuff. At least these can be passed onto ds.
It is her choice though as she is older.

CeliaLytton · 11/09/2013 19:57

My dd hates dresses and skirts. Often se buy girls shirts etc but ee do get zome boys stuff. At least these can be passed onto ds

It seems many of us rebel against girls having to wear girls pink, flowers and bows but don't try to do the same for our sons, offering them flowery, feminine clothing. Women already have more freedom in society to wear what they choose, be it skirts, blouses, heels or trousers, tailored jackets and brogues.

Sometimes I think we are so busy trying to steer our girls away from the stereotypical feminine stuff we are doing our boys a disservice. Why do we not use our DDs old stuff for our DSs? Is it because someone has to be first? I hope that day comes soon, MrsDV children like your DS could be the ones to start real equality in clothing, but it takes a brave individual and an accepting society and I don't think we're there yet Sad

When we choose 'boys' clothes for our DDs because we prefer them, we are just projecting our preferences onto them. When we do it because we place a lower value on all things 'girly', we are making a statement.

DontmindifIdo · 11/09/2013 20:16

Celia - I think it's about the difference between childrens and adult clothes - the bulk of DS's wardrobe could quite easily be scaled up to adult sizes and wouldn't look unusual on DH. In fact, we were away last week and DH and DS (only 3, so still in toddler clothes) pretty much spent all week wearing long shorts with polo shirts (often the same colours, I had to make DH change a couple of times because it looked rediculously like he had a 'mini-me'). On the other hand, virtually none of the outfits DD wore looked like the sort of thing I would wear but smaller.

I don't know any adult woman who wear head to toe pink and glitter. I know lots of men who'll wear blue and green. The applique and sequins decoration of most toddler girls clothes would look like the per una range rediculous on an adult woman.

In order to dress your DD in clothes that look like a smaller version of nice adult clothes (rather than slutty ones), you do tend to have to look at expensive shops, go round Tescos children section, the boys clothes look like the adult mens clothes with a couple of t-shirts with cartoon characters on them (although I know enough geeks to know a lot of grown men would also leave the house wearing a cartoon character on their t-shirt), the girls clothes look nothing like the adult woman's section.

But mainly, a lot of girls clothes just aren't practical for messy, rough play, or staying warm in the winter.

mrsjay · 11/09/2013 20:26

When we choose 'boys' clothes for our DDs because we prefer them, we are just projecting our preferences onto them. When we do it because we place a lower value on all things 'girly', we are making a statement

I agree with this you can have girls in girls clothing without going for the pink and frilly I dont think dressing them in boys clothes is making any sort of statement it just seems to me that it is lessening girl babies in some way, so what if somebody wants to put their girl in a bow headband . I didnt like that sort of thing for my girls, but dd2 went through a pink girly phase

mrsjay · 11/09/2013 20:27

I managed in the 90s to get reasonable tough play clothes for girls

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 20:44

It's about projection, I think. I'm becoming aware that some people project their own opinions onto something as basic as how you dress your child. I got similar comments when I made a passing comment around friends that I was going to keep DD's hair in a bob as it was getting a pain to manage Hmm

For all that I'm saying this about girls in boys clothing, Celia is right and we're just not having as much of a debate about boys in girls clothing. Not that we shouldn't be having this debate, but it seems that you far less commonly come across boys dressed in feminine clothing than girls in boys clothing. And I haven't - though obviously I'm no anthropologist and I'm only talking about what I see in my town and what I read on MN - come across any parents who are deliberately dressing their boys predominantly in girls clothing or traditionally feminine colours.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 11/09/2013 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjay · 11/09/2013 20:47

there seems to be a want for girls to be tom boyish I think and tbh i can see why parents mums especially do it they dont want their girls to be seen as pretty little decorative things so they dress them unisex which is fair enough I dressed my dds similar but i quite liked purples and light colours, on them but they did have jogging bottoms tomas the tank clothes etc. I think it is a balancing act,

MurderOfGoths · 11/09/2013 20:49

Personally I don't make an effort to dress DS in "girlie" clothes, because they often seem really impractical. Whereas the boys stuff seems to be designed with play more in mind.

If I see girls stuff which is practical (and not too gaudy) I will buy it for him. He has some excellent zebra print stuff - which for some unknown reason is deemed just for girls.

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 20:51

I think that's right, it's probably a extraordinarily early reaction to not wanting your daughter to grow up as a decorative object. Obviously I'll be happy as long as my daughter is happy, but I can admit that when I look at teenage girls I would probably rather my daughter wasn't one of the girls with the bleached hair and the fake tan and nails at 14.

OP posts:
CeliaLytton · 11/09/2013 20:54

I just googled gender neutral clothes and was directed to the pinkstinks website. They recommended hei moose for gender neutral clothes, but there is still a section for boys and girls. In the girls tops section are all the tops that are in the boys section, 'hurrah for us, all PC, girls can wear anything boys can', and then a few extras in pink, because obviously boys can't wear pink Confused

Gender neutral my arse!

DontmindifIdo · 11/09/2013 20:56

MrsDeVere - they found they could make you buy twice...

I don't think I've ever seen a situation where the clothes aimed at girls are more practical than the versions aimed at boys - whereas I've seen several ranges of girls shoes that are all going to get the top of their feet wet when out in the rain when the boys range in the same shop all are covered. I've been in shops where the only warm, waterproof coats with hoods are in the boys range.

I've also seen shops where the only completely plain t-shirts are in the boys ranges. Why is it completely plain white t-shirts are officially 'boys' clothes? Seriously, we are raising a generation of girls who don't do plain and per una sales are going to sky rocket once those girls grow up.

DontmindifIdo · 11/09/2013 20:56

MrsDeVere - they found they could make you buy twice...

I don't think I've ever seen a situation where the clothes aimed at girls are more practical than the versions aimed at boys - whereas I've seen several ranges of girls shoes that are all going to get the top of their feet wet when out in the rain when the boys range in the same shop all are covered. I've been in shops where the only warm, waterproof coats with hoods are in the boys range.

I've also seen shops where the only completely plain t-shirts are in the boys ranges. Why is it completely plain white t-shirts are officially 'boys' clothes? Seriously, we are raising a generation of girls who don't do plain and per una sales are going to sky rocket once those girls grow up.

Trills · 11/09/2013 20:57

Up until they start being different shapes, I think it's a bit silly for us to even have different sections.

Thepoodoctor · 11/09/2013 20:58

Polarn O Pyret do lovely gender neutral clothes if you have ££ available or want to ask someone for a present Smile

DD has a gorgeous green winter coat from there. DS had a royal purple one last winter.

mrsjay · 11/09/2013 20:59

My girls now go to the boys/men sectionsometimes for hoodies the seem comfier and warmer and have blacks and greys

mrsjay · 11/09/2013 20:59

My girls now go to the boys/men sectionsometimes for hoodies the seem comfier and warmer and have blacks and greys

mrsjay · 11/09/2013 20:59

My girls now go to the boys/men sectionsometimes for hoodies the seem comfier and warmer and have blacks and greys

Trills · 11/09/2013 21:02

In the 90s I remember more tie dye and neon multicoloured stuff than "primary colours" :o

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 21:03

Interesting so far that the places which do good gender neutral clothes cost a lot more!

I'm a tight arse. £5 for a pack of three t-shirts or two leggings, thank you very much. They're only going to get covered in paint or mud anyway.

OP posts:
Seaweedy · 11/09/2013 21:03

I have a toddler boy, and damn right I am making a statement when I choose brightly-coloured clothes that aren't sludge-coloured, khaki or blue, that don't have slogans that say BOY, HERE COMES TROUBLE, DADDY'S LITTLE MAN, or LITTLE DEVIL, are decorated with tractors, cars, trains, builders, racing car drivers or 'boy' cartoon characters etc etc.

The statement I am making is that my son isn't, by virtue of his sex, stuck with a restricted set of interests, colours, and emotional range. If girls can (rightly) froth around in lilac frills with applique butterflies and stomp about in denim dungarees, then why is his 'choice' between navy blue, brown and khaki, and between various shades of macho? Why can't he wear a range of colours, and clothes that don't announce his masculinity to the world?He has no idea he is a boy. He is one, for heaven's sake. Also, gender aside, my child is not an advertising billboard for a brand.

That's roughly the statement I am making when I choose his clothes.

Skinheadmermaid · 11/09/2013 21:04

In some cultures blue is considered a 'soft' colour and used on girls. Pink, a hot colour used to be used for boys.
I hate all this 'oh i'm a girl so i have to wear bows and pink' shit. Blue was used for depictions of the virgin mary and thus was feminized.
Since when is Batman gender specific?! I've been collecting comics for twelve years and God dammit tomorrow i'm wearing my Wolverine t-shirt and no one can stop me!
-might have missed the point slightly-

RedToothBrush · 11/09/2013 21:08

What the hell happened?

I can give you the answer in one word.

Marketing

MrsOakenshield · 11/09/2013 22:24

'But mainly, a lot of girls clothes just aren't practical for messy, rough play, or staying warm in the winter.'

I haven't found this to be the case at all, DD is very active and all her girls' clothes last for as long as they fit, and she has a lot of 2nd, 3rd and 4th hand girls' stuff, still going strong. I can't actually think of a single garment that has fallen apart or not been up to the task.

Also, I don't want to dress DD like a minature adult - why would anyone, I don't understand that. And I do agree that many boys clothes are simply mini versions of their dads'. I love the fact that DD can wear crazy colours and mix things up in a way that an adult couldn't (or wouldn't, more likely).

H&M do plain girls' T shirts, in white, black, purple and pink - I get them to go under short sleeved stuff to extend wear into the autumn.

Maybe it's because I'm in London and the ranges are far wider but I simply don't get all this 'girls' stuff is so limited/not practical' etc. Though I shop mainly in Sainsbo's and Mothercare, not anywhere special.

pourmeanotherglass · 11/09/2013 22:37

I've often bought clothes for my older daughter from the boys sections if she/I can't find what we want in the girl side. She's now 11, but has hated pink since she was about 5. Sometimes, its hard to find things like sandals, raincoats, dressing gowns with no pink, so we buy the boy version. She also has a navy angry birds fleece from the boy half of next (she needed a fleece, and hated the girl ones), and a boys check shirt from john lewis (she liked the colours).

My younger daughter is a bit girlier and has always flatly refused to even consider looking in the boy section.

I imagine it won't be long until yours starts expressing opinions, but until then, you may as well enjoy putting her in colours you like.

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